Finding Our Love To Restart It All
by wongksfbd
Summary: It's Dan, Serena all over again. Will school be the same? With Chair, Eric and Nate. Jenny will come in soon. Starts off a little more DS centric but shifts along with the chapters. R&R!
1. Dancing In Circles

**(A/N: Here's my newest fanfiction! Okay, I really apologise about chopping **_**It's Called Us**_** halfway, but I think that storyline was getting overrun, considering I actually wanted it to be a one shot in the first place, so yeah. This story is only sort of related to the show in the way that Serena is not in New York. I think that's all. Oh, I'm intending to make this a long one, 20 chapters at least, so it'll be a long-running story, with some one shots that I'll be throwing in if I'm bored and stuff. However, I don't know if I can make it last all the way, so I hope you guys like it. It won't be very DS-centric for the first part. XOXO)**

"Are you sure you're not returning to New York with me?" Blair held Serena's hands as she stood in front of the departures hall. It was just a fortnight before the new term at Columbia would start, and Blair had to go back. They had a great time touring Europe, hopping from Paris to London and a calming weekend in Wales. Serena looked away, then shook her head, biting her lip. "I don't think I can go back, not until..." She trailed off, unable to continue. She didn't know why she felt so afraid of going back. It was just a sense of dread and she didn't know how to face Nate, Dan; even her mum, Rufus and Eric. Blair glanced at the clock, and looked sadly at Serena. "I'll call you when I reach New York. Promise me, text me often, tell me where you go. Come back for Thanksgiving at the very least?"

"I promise." Embracing each other, they bade each other goodbye as Blair walked into the departures hall and Serena stood there, waving with a slightly forced smile. She turned around as Blair disappeared into the brightly lit shops, and wondered where to go. She had booked her hotel room in Paris until the next day, and she was feeling kind of sick of Paris. Where next, she thought. She knew she should really have been on this flight back too, her mum would be wondering why she wasn't; Dan would be too, would Nate? From the last that she had said to him, he must have been so disappointed, so hurt. But she knew it was for the best, not letting it drag on through the summer. She knew from firsthand experience, dragging it over the holidays was nothing but more trouble; it wouldn't solve anything, just compound it further.

* * *

_I don't understand why we do what we do to each other_  
_According to his word, we're all born sisters and brothers_  
_But we lie and we steal_  
_Fight and we kill_  
_Even though we know the way

* * *

_

She strolled out of the airport, and hailed a cab. She decided, she would visit Eleanor and Cyrus, before she would leave for Germany. No one would probably think about her going to Germany, she didn't speak a word of German. Not that she was intending to learn, since it would probably just be a short while for her to sort out her thoughts and everything. She looked at her phone, wondering if she should just text Eric and tell him that she was safe and well. Her mum and Eric must be so worried, she hadn't contacted them a single time since she left for France. She typed out a text, "Eric, tell Mum I'm safe and I'm not going back with Blair. Will call soon." and sent it.

The next day, she was at the airport once again, but this time with her luggage in tow, and passport in hand. She had scheduled a flight to Frankfurt, booked a hotel for a week. She wasn't entirely sure whether a week would be enough time for her to be clear about what she needed and wanted to do, but in case of that, she had already checked out hotels in Austria, since it was within close proximity of Frankfurt, just a train ride away.

* * *

_Why do we go dancing in circles_  
_when we know_  
_it never ends_  
_we come so close to loving each other and then_  
_we go dancing in circles again

* * *

_

Blair landed in New York, and Chuck and Dan were there to receive her. "What are you doing here, Humphrey?" Dan looked around, into the arrivals hall, and questioned, "Where's Serena? Weren't you two supposed to come back together?" She took a deep breath, then looked at Dan straight. "Serena says she doesn't want to come back yet, she's gonna tour Europe for a couple of days, possibly weeks." Dan creased his eyebrows, and clenched his fist in frustration. He thought that, perhaps, that once Serena was back, they could sit down and say what they had been thinking about all along. "Why didn't you tell her to come back with you? Why didn't you insist!" He demanded, his expression growing fierce.

"Hey, hey, chill, I'll send Blair home, you need a lift?" Chuck stepped in between Dan and Blair, trying to prevent anything from happening. Blair narrowed her eyes and glared at Chuck, "I haven't forgiven you yet. I'll hail a cab myself." She tossed her head, and walked towards the stand, ignoring Chuck's offer. Dan rolled his eyes and looked into the distance. Why hadn't Serena come back? What was keeping her away? Who was with her now? Where did she decide to go? When would she deem the right time to return? How would he find all the answers?

* * *

_All through the ages we try to share this world together_  
_turning the pages pretending we'll live here forever_  
_But we'll have to face our maker someday_  
_and reap what we've sown on the way

* * *

_

In the lift, Dan removed his coat and closed his eyes, wondering where Serena could possibly go to. Did Nate know they were supposed to be back today? Why hadn't he bothered to turn up? Had he really hardened his heart this time? 'Ding!' The lift doors opened, and he walked into the Van der Humphrey's apartment. "Dad? Lily? Eric?" He called, hoping that at least one of them could give him an answer. Eric came down the steps, smiling. "Hey, Dan! Long time since you came over, how are you?" "Eric, has Serena contacted you since she left? Blair's back. But she said Serena didn't want to. Where has she gone?" "Well, she did text me, but she didn't say where she was going, just that she was safe." He gave Dan a little smile, and shrugged.

If Eric didn't know, who else would? Clearly Blair didn't. "That's all right then, thanks so much, I'll drop by for dinner sometime, bye!" He grinned, and went into the lift. He took out his phone, and scrolled down his contacts list. "Hello, Nate? Are you free? Can we meet at the park?...Alright, in 10 minutes." He checked his watch, he should have enough time to grab a sandwich on his way.

"You wanted to meet me, Dan?" Nate walked towards where Dan was sitting, a stone bench where he had a beautiful memory with Serena. Dressed in a casual checked shirt and pressed bermudas, with cream loafers, hair stylishly ruffled, he grinned as he nodded towards Dan. "Hey, Nate. Uh, did you know that Blair's back?" Nate sat down, and looked at a kid feeding ducks, "Really? Oh. I didn't know that." "Serena didn't come back with her." "Really? Okay, so what does that have to do with me? We broke up, I didn't contact her, she didn't bother either. I don't know anything about Serena, not since she left." Sensing that Nate was disturbed by this, Dan swallowed, then muttered, "Alright. I thought you might. It's alright, have a nice day."

* * *

_Why do we go dancing in circles_  
_when we know_  
_it never ends_  
_we come so close to loving each other and then_  
_we go dancing in circles again

* * *

_

No one knew where Serena had gone. Perhaps, Eleanor would? Blair had said that they had spent some time at her mother's, maybe Serena would have dropped some hints on where she would be going. "Hello, Blair?" He called Blair, hoping that she would help him. "Did Serena really not say where she would be going?" "I've already said, no. If you really want to talk to her or see her, go and find her yourself, Humphrey." It hit him, he should do that really. "Could I have Eleanor's contact number in France?" "Alright, I'll send it over. Good luck." The line went dead, and Dan decided that by hook or by crook, he couldn't just wait for Serena to come back without doing anything. He would try everything he could.

* * *

_We know how so_  
_why can't we just get it right_  
_I pray someday we'll overcome all the damage we've done and we'll fly

* * *

_

_Because I want to tell you, my love, that you've always occupied this space in my heart, and there's no way, without a sound, I'll let us part. Promise me, we'll never end. This wait, is just so that we'll be even more beautiful. I need you so much, Serena. You're the girl of my dreams. The way I saw you before, like no other girl captured me the way you could and did. You're special, Serena. Even if no one else in the world thinks so, remember, I've always loved you. You're sexy as hell, alluring; and you're totally unaware of your effect on me. I'll run through Europe if I have to, but I swear that I will find you. Our hearts beat as one, let's make them beat side by side. I love you, Serena van der Woodsen. Regardless of what you've done before or what you're doing now. Please, stay the same, stay that girl I fell in love with, on October 8th, 2005. _

_I don't know where I'm going, why I'm on this plane. Why have these three years been so complicated? I thought I was starting life anew, but I'm repeating my mistakes, all over again. I'm running away, once more. Am I? Can I do this another way? Do I love Nate? Did I love him before? Did I love Tripp? DId I love Gabriel? Did I love Aaron? Did I love any of those guys that I said I loved them? Did I really love Dan? When we broke up, did that little part of my heart die with our love? Do I still love him? Will Germany give me these answers that I need? Am I repeating my past mistakes or am I doing what I should? Oh, I wish someone was here with me, by my side, telling me what was right.

* * *

_

"Could I have a glass of red wine, please?" Serena caught the attention of an air stewardess, and smiled. She needed to get to sleep. Red wine always worked, especially when she was worn out like this. She needed to sort everything out soon, if she wanted to do something fruitful this year. Technically, Blair had told her to come back by Thanksgiving, but that was too long. If a week in Frankfurt wasn't enough, she would spend a fortnight in Vienna. If that too wasn't enough, she would go somewhere else. Surely, somehow, she would find a place that could help her rediscover what was it that she once wanted and was now missing in her life. Surely, it was possible? She drank the wine slowly, swirling it in between drinks, and sighed as she pondered over what she could and would do.

He lay in bed, head propped against two pillows on the headrest, holding the stories he had written about Serena. He read 10-8-05 once again, and he realised, he had been so naive, so unsuspecting, so pure, in the past. With everyone, he had changed so much, no longer did he detest the Upper East Side in the same way. He had become friends with the people he had once hated, thinking they were simply heartless, rich brats with huge trust funds. But he knew what he once thought was no longer the case. In simple terms, he was, in a way, one of them. 3 years ago, he would have said, "Is that a joke?", had he been told he would have dated Serena van der Woodsen, lost his virginity to her, became great friends with Nathaniel Archibald, Chuck Bass and to some extent, Blair Waldorf. But now, it just seemed like it had been a breeze. He had changed, appearance wise, totally. But deep inside, he felt like Lonely Boy had never left. He missed Serena. He craved her scent, her smile, her childish laughter, that flirty gaze, the goofing up, the flip of the blonde strands of hair, the luscious lips, the _one hell of a sexy babe_. He wanted her back. "Serena...I swear, _by the moon and the stars in the skies_, I'll find you. I'll bring you back, and we'll talk about it till it never ends."

* * *

_Why do we go dancing in circles_  
_when we know_  
_it never ends_  
_we come so close to loving each other and then_  
_we go dancing in circles again

* * *

_

**(A/N: Wow. It's been a long chapter, huh. One of the best I've ever written, in my opinion. I enjoyed how this chapter flowed, it felt so easy to write, and I felt truly happy penning down all these dialogue, the thoughts, the words. It's 1am here for me, I'm exhausted, but wholly satisfied. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading this, I think it's been quite some time since I planned a chapter like this. And no, there won't be DS so easily like the past this time, I'm planning for them to go **_**Dancing In Circles **_**before letting them realise they're looking for true love, looking for each other. I love this song, **_**Dancing In Circles, **_**and it totally describes what Dan and Serena have been this season. **_**We come so close to loving each other and then, we go dancing in circles again.**_** Look for my next chapter! xoxo)**


	2. Look What You've Done

**(A/N: Hello, readers! I hope you guys liked the first chapter? I decided to continue my train of thoughts and I'm starting this on Thursday evening, US time. Which is, for me, Friday morning. So, I hope that you've enjoyed the use of **_**Dancing In Circles **_**in the previous chapter, I'll see what other songs I'll intend to use for this. As I said in my previous chapter, I want to make Serena realise she needs Dan, and not Dan chasing after her all the time, so just wait patiently alright? This story may be a little slow moving compared to my previous ones, maybe a little more detail into how they're feeling and everything, so just sit back, relax, and let the words rush around you. Remember to review after you've read, give me comments on how you wish this story to progress and all. Have fun, and please please please hit that review button, anonymous or not. xoxo) **

"Dorota, is Blair still in?" Chuck was at the door, holding a bunch of peonies, dressed in a sharp suit with a delightful baby blue tie, one that Blair had given him. His hair was slicked nicely, and he bowed slightly. "Mr Chuck, come in. Miss Blair is still sleeping." She smiled at the sight of Chuck, perhaps this was a sign of good things to come. She left Chuck in the living room, while she went to the kitchen to get a drink for him. Chuck sat on the couch, looking at some pictures of Blair taken with Serena in Paris. She looked so happy, so relaxed. She had put all the troubles of New York out of her mind when she was in Paris. Now that she was back, and he was here, was he only reminding her of unhappy times? Should he leave?

"Chuck. What on earth are you doing here! Dorota, why did you let him come in?" Blair stood at the top of the stairs, glaring at Chuck.

* * *

_Take my photo off the wall_  
_If it just won't sing for you_  
_'Cause all that's left has gone away_  
_And there's nothing there for you to prove

* * *

_

"Blair, listen. I need to explain everything to you. I know what I've done, but I swear I can explain why." He held the peonies in front of her, and looked into her eyes. "Peonies, Blair, they're for you. Hear me out?"

_I'm falling right into his trap again, but I can't help myself. _"Alright. I'll give you 10 minutes."

She sighed, and sat on the couch opposite Chuck, signalling to Dorota that she should leave the room.

"Blair, I didn't mean to sleep with Jenny. I didn't, I swear."

"I told you, don't mention her name!"

"Okay, I won't. Blair, before you came into my life, I can't deny. I was a jerk, a playboy, some rich asshole who didn't give a damn about the feelings of any girl I screwed. But that's all in the past, and I'm not like that now, not anymore. It was a mistake I made, but I'm willing to do anything to atone for it. Please, Blair. I'm not asking you to love me again, just don't hate me anymore." The sorrow in his eyes was undeniable, filled with pain, and he looked genuinely apologetic. He bowed, low, left the peonies in her lap. "I've said what I wanted, and I guess you want me to leave. Goodbye, Blair, if you do forgive me, I just want to say, I'll always be loving you." He gave Dorota a small smile, then walked towards the lift, sadly, wondering why on earth had he done such a thing. It was all his fault, really, and he had to face the consequences for it. But never had he imagined, it would be so painful, and that it would be so hard to reverse.

* * *

_Oh, look what you've done_  
_You've made a fool of everyone_  
_Oh well, it seems likes such fun_  
_Until you lose what you had won

* * *

_

"Miss Blair, why don't you forgive Mr Chuck?" Dorota looked at Blair, she could see the hurt, the longing to forgive him, but somehow Blair just held it all back. Blair looked at Dorota, but she wasn't really seeing Dorota, she was blank, she didn't know how she should react, didn't know what to do, her heart wanted to forgive Chuck and forget everything that he had done in the past that broke her heart again and again. But her mind told her that what he had done to her didn't deserve any understanding, let alone forgiveness. "I don't know, Dorota." Her face was filled with anguish, her expression pained, she finally understood why Serena saw the need to get away from everyone they knew, go somewhere quiet to sort out her thoughts. She had only two weeks to get herself together, though, she would start at Columbia then. People in Columbia would be expecting her to be Queen B again, but judging from how she felt now, it would be nearly impossible. Columbia. Something that involved Chuck Bass as well. She knew that perhaps, she owed that to Chuck, but somehow, she couldn't let go of what he had done wrong. Slept with Jenny Humphrey, of all people. Even though she no longer detested Dan Humphrey, his sister was still a bitch she couldn't tolerate.

Chuck got into the limousine, feeling like a failure. He thought that perhaps, he did have a chance of changing her heart, make her smile again. Could he let her go, let her out of his mind forever? The peonies, he thought they would make her realise that he wanted her back so much, and the tie, she didn't realise it was the one she bought for him? Part of his heart wanted to die and just give up, but he knew that without Blair, he would just go back to that soulless jerk that broke others' hearts, like how he had done to Blair. But he cared for Blair. Every time he saw her cry, a little bit of him cried along. When he took Blair's virginity, he knew what a big deal it was, and he felt bad. But somehow, he felt none of that towards Jenny. He lay back in the seats, and breathed heavily. Had he not lost that ring, he would have taken it out, there and then, perhaps she would have been moved by that, understood what he meant.

* * *

_Give me back my point of view_  
_'Cause I just can't think for you_  
_I can hardly hear you say_  
_What should I do, well you choose

* * *

_

Dan sat at his table, a pad of paper and a few pencils sprawled over his desk, he was supposed to be writing another chapter, for a book he wanted to publish. But his mind was elsewhere, he couldn't focus. Every time he shut his eyes and tried to think, all that came to his mind was Serena. Where was she? He took a pencil, and tried to write, but all that came out was '_I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to stay like this forever, until the sun falls down on me._' Savage Garden, of all bands, of all songs, why _Truly, Madly, Deeply_? He suddenly recalled that night they spent at the beach, it was beautiful, they were so blissful then. And the night spent in the gallery, so memorable. He couldn't just forget of all that and pretend it never happened. He knew he loved Serena, he knew he couldn't just let go of all the love they had shared in the past and pretend it never happened. He picked up his phone, he knew there was something he had to do.

"Hello, Eleanor? This is Dan, Humphrey. Did Serena visit you after Blair left for New York? ... She did? Did she say where she was going?" He was excited, perhaps Serena had dropped a clue or something. "She didn't? Oh... she left for the airport straight? Thank you so much! Goodbye, have a nice day!"

* * *

_Oh, look what you've done_  
_You've made a fool of everyone_  
_Oh well, it seems likes such fun_  
_Until you lose what you had won

* * *

_

Dan slumped on the desk. If Serena hadn't gone to the airport, it would have been so much easier. Just France was much smaller than scouring the whole of Europe, sans France. He tore a piece of paper from the pad and started scribbling down places where Serena would possibly go. London, Wales? Blair mentioned that they had a great time there, it was peaceful, it would be perfect had Serena wanted somewhere quiet. Italy? Milan was a shopping haven, Serena had mentioned that it was fantastic there, so that could be a possibility. Belgium? She loved the chocolates from Belgium, it could be that she would head there. Germany? She couldn't speak German. Frankfurt. He remembered that she said that she wanted to know how that place was like. Could she have gone there? Vienna. Though never one for classical music, Serena did say once that she would like to experience Vienna. Could she have flown there? He pored over the list, it wasn't completely exhaustive, but it was a start.

"Miss Blair, dinner is ready."

Blair glided down the steps elegantly, a small smile on her lips. The house was quiet, but Blair had given Dorota and Vanya, as well as precious little Anastasia, to stay with her while her mother and Cyrus dwelled in France. She felt empty, she didn't feel like eating at all, just sick. Seeing Chuck right in the morning, seeing the peonies, that expression on his face, she felt a sinking feeling.

* * *

_Oh, look what you've done_  
_You've made a fool of everyone_  
_A fool of everyone_  
_A fool of everyone

* * *

_

"You must eat something, Miss Blair." Dorota gave her a warning tone, knowing full well that Blair was considering skipping the meal altogether.

"I know, Dorota. I will. I will." She mumbled absent-mindedly, a little confused; her mind was in a whirl, she couldn't focus properly. Damn Chuck Bass, he took her breath away with his hot kisses, that she could understand. But simply seeing him in the morning took her sanity away, that was ridiculous. _Damn you, Chuck Bass. Damn you to hell. _She poked the food on her plate, sighing. _Every bone in my body tried to slow me, __every voice in my head screamed don't. But I didn't listen. I followed my heart because I love you.I can't deny that everything in our past has been complicated, but love makes everything simple._ Those words she said to Chuck, she meant every single syllable she enunciated, and it was painful as she recalled the feelings that she felt then. She took a few mouthfuls of food, then excused herself. She went up to the washroom, and let it all out. She knew it wasn't right, she had tried so hard to get over the bulimia, but just like how Serena resorted to running away, this was her only escape route. As each choking mouthful came up, flashbacks of Chuck ran through her mind. That mind-blowing day she lost her virginity to him, the time when she realised she loved him, the moment when he just told her he loved her. It was nothing, the pain of throwing up, compared to the agony of having to give up possibly the greatest love of her life. _Chuck, I miss you.

* * *

_

_Take my photo off the wall_  
_If it just won't sing for you_  
_'Cause all that's left has gone away_  
_And there's nothing there for you to do

* * *

_

_I'm Chuck Bass, what on earth can be beyond me? _That arrogance he held made every girl in awe of him, Blair Waldorf had been the only one to diss him. He was Chuck Bass, his father was Bart Bass. But Blair, was the only one who didn't care about what Chuck Bass wanted in those times and days, and that drew him towards her. At Victrola, she showed him that she wasn't a stiff girl, primly and proper; she had her wild side too. And boy, was she sexy when she was wild. Taking her virginity, it was low, but he loved her. And he hurt her so badly. They were ready to get back together, but he had to ruin it all. He spoilt their chances. He wanted to win her back, but he didn't know how. His trump card was gone. Her heart was hardening each minute, and he was afraid that soon, she would shut her heart on him. And when that happened, everything would be beyond hope. His sole love of his life, gone. _I promise, I love you Blair, I'll do everything and anything within my means to change your heart._

_Oh, look what you've done_  
_You've made a fool of everyone_  
_Oh well, it seems likes such fun_  
_Until you lose what you had won_

_

* * *

_

"Dad? I've something to tell you." Dan looked serious, and Rufus guessed that he had something really important to say. He was wearing a white buttoned shirt, and a pair of dark jeans, tying together the smart casual look. "I'm going to Europe to find Serena. I need to talk to her."

Rufus sighed, and his eyebrows creased as he considered Dan's proposition for a moment. It wasn't ideal with all their history, but he knew he son was stubborn enough not to budge when it came to Serena. His first love, as they all knew, and Dan had never really gotten over her all of the three times they had broken up. "Do you know where she is?" He shot back, guessing that since Lily hadn't said anything, she didn't know where Serena was, and Dan wouldn't know either.

"I don't. That's why I've come up with a list, and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to find her, somehow. I believe that it's possible." His eyes were glazing over, and Rufus knew, right then, that there was nothing that he could do to stop his son now.

* * *

_Oh, look what you've done_  
_You've made a fool of everyone_  
_A fool of everyone_  
_A fool of everyone

* * *

_

"I'll transfer some money over to you. When are you planning to leave?" Rufus was resigned to fate, and he knew the best thing he could do now, was to support his son. If he wanted to find Serena so badly, he would do his best to help Dan find her.

"I've checked. There's a flight to Paris in 4 days, that would give me enough time to settle some things here. I won't book a return flight just yet, but I'll come back if I can't find her within this month." He hugged Rufus, and smiled, as he walked out of the apartment. _I promise, when I find you this time, I'll never let you go again.

* * *

_

**(A/N: Hey. I'm using Jet's **_**Look What You've Done **_**for the chapter, I like this song, it's kind of a overplayed radio hit here in my country, and its often used in advertisements, but I thought it suited the chapter as it kind of applies to Chuck's case with Blair. I actually love writing this story at this moment, I feel really happy letting the story develop slowly. Compared to my past stories, it's slow moving, but in a way, there's less pressure to write it detailed, yet letting the story move quickly enough, if you get what my ramble means. I hope you've enjoyed this, and please review if you've any comments on how I can and should improve, writing wise? I think my writing style has changed compared to my first few chapters of my other stories, and perhaps you guys could tell me if it's for the better or the worse. **_**Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone. **_**They're all running away from what they need, what they've been craving for. What will happen next? I shan't say. xoxo, XODS.)**


	3. No Air

**(A/N: Hello, everyone! Are you guys hit by World Cup fever? At the time that I'm publishing this, Netherlands defeated Denmark 2-0, and Japan beat Cameroon 1-0. I won a bet with a friend! Italy's playing Paraguay afterwards, I'm thinking of watching it even though it's 1am here now. Insane, really. I hope my previous chapter, **_**Look What You've Done**_** was good? Perhaps, if you think it's lacking in any area, you should review and tell me, so I can improve on it. Tentatively, I will let Dan and Serena meet either by the end of this chapter or in the next, but how it'll happen, it really depends, because I tend to change my mind a lot. The song that I've chosen, is _No Air_. Excited? I hope so, but it'll start off as Chair-centric. I've got to clean that up a little, it seems a little sketchy at the moment, and I want to write it properly before I move on to Derena. xoxo)**

**

* * *

**

Chuck adjusted the collar of his shirt, and flipped through the ties hanging on a hanger, trying to find one that would look nice with his dark grey suit and crisp white shirt, without looking too dull or business-like. After some consideration, he settled on a silver-hued skinny tie, and texted the driver to come over. He had made up his mind, it was a now or never mission to get Blair back. He had yet another bunch of peonies in hand, a delightful bouquet that he had ordered, specially delivered to his suite right that morning. He had, too, gone back to the jeweller's, and asked them to make an identical ring to the one that the people who had mugged him had stolen, just that the words, 'I love you' were engraved finely on the inside of the ring, and the box was lined with soft pink silk and cotton pieces, scented of peonies. If this wouldn't move Blair, he didn't know what would. _I've done everything that I possibly can to win your heart again, please, my love, open your heart to me. _

As he sat in the limousine, he held the bouquet near to his nose and took a small sniff, the flowers smelt heavenly, and Blair would definitely love them. He held the ring box in his hand, feeling the velvet cover, and planned what to say to Blair. This was probably his last chance to convince her that he had truly regretted everything that he had done before. Closing his eyes, he hoped for the best as the car pulled up right outside Blair's penthouse building. "Mr Bass, we're here. Do you want me to wait here?" His driver, Bryan, looked into the rearview mirror and made polite eye contact with him, as Chuck considered the offer. He was hoping to stay for a considerable time, especially if Blair was moved by him. "It's alright. I'll call you afterwards. Go grab a coffee by the corner or something." Finishing, he got out of the car, peonies in hand, with the ring box in his suit pocket. He looked up the building, and hoped that perhaps, he would have gotten things right this time.

* * *

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air_  
_If I should die before I wake_  
_It's 'cause you took my breath away_  
_Losing you is like living in a world with no air_  
_Oh_

_

* * *

_

"Mr Chuck, you're here!" Dorota beamed, she was delighted that Chuck hadn't given up and wanted to try to convince Blair again. It was definitely for the better, Blair hadn't looked or behaved the same since Chuck had turned up days ago.

"Dorota, is Blair in?" Chuck smiled warmly, just saying her name out loud alone put a smile on his face, and the way that Dorota welcomed him was a good sign.

"Of course, Mr Chuck. She's having her breakfast upstairs. Do you want to surprise her?" Dorota laughed, looking at the bouquet of peonies that Chuck held in his hands.

Chuck looked at Dorota, a small smirk forming, as he leant towards her ear and whispered for a moment. She smiled, and put her fingers on her lips as she let Chuck in.

"Who's here to visit, Dorota?" Blair's voice came over the intercom, and Dorota looked at Chuck nervously, not knowing how to respond.

* * *

_I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave_  
_My heart won't move, it's incomplete_  
_Wish there was a way that I can make you understand_

_

* * *

_

Chuck quickly went upstairs, and opened the door to Blair's room. "A surprise, my lady." He bowed, low, and presented the bouquet of peonies to Blair, a sincere smile on his face. She opened her mouth to protest, but no words could come out, the sheer surprise of it all blew her away. He placed a finger on her lips, and smiled as he reached into his pocket. Blair saw the ring box, and gasped. Even though she was slightly shaken by his words the other day, this took the cake. "Blair, I'm not asking you to marry me right now. I know you're angry with me, and you have a good reason to be. But I promise you, this will never happen again. This is almost exactly like the ring I wanted to propose to you with, but that was stolen when I was mugged in Prague. Please, Blair, just look at it." He placed the bouquet of peonies on her lap, and passed the ring box to her as she held it tenderly in her hands.

Blair couldn't believe this. Chuck Bass, this was utterly and completely romantic. She opened the box, and tears sprung to her eyes without control. She lifted the ring up, looking at it through the light. It was definitely an expensive diamond, and as she saw the simple words engraved on the ring, she couldn't help but forgive Chuck completely. _I guess that's what love does to us, we can't help but get sucked back into it over and over again. _

"Chuck. This...this is"

"Amazing." He finished for her, and kissed her lightly on the lips, his eyes capturing her. She breathed in his scent, and he went for it another time, more passionately this time. Dorota was about to knock on the door and enter, but she saw Chuck, bent over towards Blair, no words said. She grinned to herself and closed the door silently, knowing that everything between them was settled. _Cause baby, when we're in love, every touch you give me takes my breath away. And that kiss that you deliver on my lips just blows me out of this world._

_

* * *

_

_So how do you expect me_  
_to live alone with just me_  
_'Cause my world revolves around you_  
_It's so hard for me to breathe_

_

* * *

_

"So how's the packing going?" Eric popped into the loft, where Dan was having his lunch.

"Not too well, Jenny took all the larger suitcases with her to Hudson, and I'm left with just two." Dan looked up and sighed, he didn't know how much clothes he would need actually. He had a list of countries that he would try, and it was pretty long. He had mapped out a plan, he would fly to Paris, meet Eleanor, visit the hotel that Serena was staying in, then to London, since Serena loved shopping in London; followed by Wales, where it was quiet. After that, he would try Germany. Somehow, he kept getting a feeling that she was there. There were trains from Germany to Austria, and he would try that too. He budgeted 3 weeks for himself, he prayed that it was enough, he didn't want to spend too long running around Europe but not finding Serena.

"Well, Europe has pretty great weather around this time, it won't be very cold or hot, jeans and bermudas should suffice. You could always use the laundry service at the hotels, so you won't need more than 10 shirts? Just in case it's cold, bring a hoodie or two, I doubt you'll need a winter coat. You won't need more than two luggages for that, plus a few pairs of shoes and slippers? You're all set, Dan." Eric poured himself a glass of water, looking quite pleased with himself.

* * *

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air_  
_Can't live, can't breathe with no air_  
_It's how I feel whenever you ain't there_  
_It's no air, no air_  
_Got me out here in the water so deep_  
_Tell me how you gonna be without me_  
_If you ain't here, I just can't breathe_  
_It's no air, no air_

_

* * *

_

Dan considered what Eric had said, and it was true. The laundry service would come in useful. And since he was travelling around quite a bit, it would be better to travel light. Smiling, he thanked Eric and started writing a checklist of clothes to bring and miscellaneous stuff. Eric left the loft, leaving Dan to pack his things, he would be flying off the next day and he was still quite frazzled, but after what Eric said, everything came clear. _Perhaps, I'll find you on my first day, baby. _Dan looked at the notebook sitting on his table, a shorthand journal, and decided to put it in his haversack, since he would probably be writing the details of his trip and show them to Serena, to let her know how hard he was trying just to find her. He tried calling her again, but somehow, she just refused to take his calls. Or anyone's for that matter. He began to pack properly, letting his mind wander into random thoughts of Europe.

Serena arrived in Bremen, after the flight to Frankfurt, she thought that perhaps she should progress from the city, and she spent a few days in Munich before flying to Bremen. She had heard some positive stuff about the Altstadt, or Old Town, and also the Marktplatz, Market Place, in Bremen. She had booked a hotel room in the heart of Bremen for 5 days, and hired a town car to take her about. She loved it that most people there did understand English, it wasn't completely necessary for her to learn much German, but she did make an effort to familiarise herself with some commonly used phrases. She had the intention of heading back to Frankfurt for a week or so, but for now, just walking around in Germany felt incredible. Released, relaxed, rejuvenated, invigorated; she felt like making her stay in Germany longer, compared to New York, it was wonderful.

* * *

_I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew_  
_Right off the ground to float to you_  
_There's no gravity to hold me down for real_  
_But somehow I'm still alive inside_  
_You took my breath, but I survived_  
_I don't know how, but I don't even care_

_

* * *

_

Without all the stress from everything and anything, she felt free for once in a long time. _If only you were here with me, _she thought. But somehow, she didn't know who was the one she was longing for so badly. She didn't know if that feeling she felt for Nate then, was love. She knew that the first one she had ever loved was Dan, and when they were in the hospital, there was definitely something that flew between them. Was it sparks of reignition? She needed to know how Nate felt about her. He had sent her a text after she had left for Paris with Blair, but she hadn't read it yet. Taking out her phone, she swallowed as she turned it on.

Dan had called her 10 times, texted her 8 times and left 5 messages. **(A/N: 10-8-05, heh) **Nate had only sent her that one message. Eric had left her 2 messages, and Blair texted her once. _Is it you? _She opened Nate's message, and it was cold, unfeeling Nate.

'Serena, I guess it's the end for us. I thought that after so long, we could finally be together, but perhaps the feelings we had for each other before you left for boarding school, they're all gone. I don't think you will want to reply this message, and even if you do, I don't know what to say. We can still be friends. But in case you might want to know, I've got Chuck's little black book. Have fun in Paris. Goodbye. Nate'

* * *

_So how do you expect me_  
_to live alone with just me_  
_'Cause my world revolves around you_  
_It's so hard for me to breathe_

_

* * *

_

Serena sighed, Nate really thought it was over, he didn't want to wait? The fact that he was in possession of Chuck's little black book said it all. That book was a work of evil, it contained so much information that she didn't want or need to know. She read Blair's message, she reminded Serena not to hook up with any random guys, and Serena couldn't help me crack up at that one. Just three summers ago, that would probably be what she would do. Eric sent her two messages, updating her on NYC, and reminded her to return soon. She wondered if she should read Dan's messages, she was afraid they would be too emotional for her to take. Leaving it for later, she called the town car driver, asking him to drive her to her hotel. Perhaps it would be a better place to read Dan's messages and hear his voice.

Back in the hotel, Serena changed into shorts and a long, comfortable shirt. She took out her phone, and opened Dan's messages, one by one.

* * *

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air_  
_Can't live, can't breathe with no air_  
_It's how I feel whenever you ain't there_  
_It's no air, no air_  
_Got me out here in the water so deep_  
_Tell me how you gonna be without me_  
_If you ain't here, I just can't breathe_  
_It's no air, no air_

_

* * *

_

'Where are you, Serena? Why did you leave without a word, I have so much to say to you. Call me when you can. Love, Dan.'

'Serena, are you having fun in Paris? Take this time to relax and enjoy yourself with Blair. Be happy always, sunshine. Love, Dan.'

'It's been two weeks since you left, Serena. I wish you would reply me and tell me you're safe or something. Enjoy yourself and never be sad. I miss you so much. Love, Dan.'

'Three weeks now, Serena. Are you having a lot of fun? Bought a lot of clothes? Do you miss New York? Do you miss your family? Do you miss me? Love, Dan.' _I miss you too._

'A month, Serena. It's been so long since I heard you voice, seen you face to face. It's like my life is missing something without some Serena van der Woodsen drama. Please come back soon. Love, Dan.'

'I know I texted yesterday. Today, I was reading Gossip Girl's old posts from a couple of years back. I saw one that said, Are Lonely Boy and S together? I wish it was true now. Love you always, Dan.'

'Serena, why haven't you replied any of my texts? Are you alright there? Where have you been and what have you been doing? Don't you miss New York? Love, Dan.'

'Blair's flying back tomorrow, Serena. Are you coming with her? I hope you'll be. Love, Dan.'

'You should be on your way to board the plane now, aren't you, Serena? I miss you so much I will be at the airport to pick you up. Hope to see you soon, my love. Love, Dan.'

'Serena, I wish you were back. No one knows where you are, my love. I will find you somehow, our hearts will bring us together. Send me a sign, and I'll appear in your mind. I love you so much, if I find you, I'll never let you go. Love, Dan.'

* * *

_No air, air_  
_No air, air_  
_No air, air_  
_No air, air_  
_No more_  
_It's no air, no air_

_

* * *

_

Reading all of Dan's messages, tears found their way down Serena's cheeks. Dan had ended every one of his messages with 'Love, Dan'. It was crazy, even miles away, days ago, Dan could make her tear ducts spill. It had been so long since he had said 'love' in relevance to her, and it felt fantastic. She tapped on her audio messages, 5 of the 6 from Dan, with one from Eric. Deciding to go with Eric's before the tears gave up on her, she tapped the screen.

'Serena, I received your message. Not too sure why your phone is off, but Mum insists that I call and tell you not to go to crazy areas. Have fun, and come back for Thanksgiving. Blair said you promised!'

Amidst the tears, a tame giggled escaped her lips as she couldn't help but see the faint humour within Eric's message. Looking at her phone again, she tapped on Dan's first message.

* * *

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air_  
_Can't live, can't breathe with no air_  
_It's how I feel whenever you ain't there_  
_It's no air, no air_  
_Got me out here in the water so deep_  
_Tell me how you gonna be without me_  
_If you ain't here, I just can't breathe_  
_It's no air, no air_

_

* * *

_

'Hey, Serena. It's me, Dan. When I told you to enjoy yourself in Paris, I wasn't telling the full truth. I want you to have fun, to be happy; always. But I want you to miss me, I want you to come back and love me. Please answer my calls, reply my texts, give me any sort of response, please? I love you.'

'Serena, Blair's back. I went to the airport hoping to see you and pick you up, but you weren't there. Why didn't you come back with Blair? What's keeping you away from New York? Where are you going to, if you're really leaving Paris? I've got a million and one words to say to you, Serena. Take very good care of yourself and come back soon, promise? Loving you always, Dan.'

'Serena, it's me again. Eric said you texted to say that you were safe. Why didn't you say where you were going? I miss your laughter, your smile, all the memories you left me, Serena. Please call me back and tell me where you are. Love, Dan.' _I should have checked my inbox instead of just dismissing it. I would have seen all these and I would realise how much you needed and wanted to say. _

'Serena, I've made up my mind. I'm going to Europe to find you. Please drop me a hint to tell me where you are, let me find you and kiss you; I miss your love so badly. Where is the love bringing you to, Serena? Do you love me too? See you soon, stop melting my heart. Love, Dan.' _I think, I just might. _

'It's me again, Serena. I wish you would just call me and let me hear your voice, I miss it so much. I'm taking a flight to Paris tomorrow. Wherever you are, just stay there. I'll find you, I can feel it in my bones. I love you Serena, I just want you to know that no matter what, I'll always stand by you. Love, Dan.'

'You have no more messages in your inbox.'

* * *

_No air, air_  
_No air, air_  
_No air, air_  
_No air, air

* * *

_

Serena shut her eyes and lay on the bed, everything that Dan had said, it was overwhelming. All the love he felt, all poured out, she wished she could reciprocate right that moment. Should she call him? Give him a hint? Would Dan spend all his time scouring Paris and end up not finding her? _I can see in the stars, all the pain we had all the scars; but tell me that was all in the past, this time our love will last. Whether we are meant to be, I shall leave it up to fate, but my loved one, please don't disappoint me. _

Dan suddenly felt his eyelids twitching, _Serena is that you? I hope it's you, darling, I hope you've finally seen or heard my messages. I meant every single word that I said. Please, let me find you. _He closed his eyes and lay on his bed. And suddenly, it dawned on him. _If one day I should need to find a place to hide, I'll go to Vienna. Why, he had asked. Because it's where all the classical music is, and classical music makes me sleep. You'll sleep and forget all your troubles, won't you. Yes, was her answer. _

He sat up. Austria. He would take a flight to Austria from Paris. Dan quickly turned on his laptop, hoping to find the earliest possible flight to Austria from Paris.

Serena looked at the map of Germany, and decided to fly to Frankfurt the next day. From there, she could take a train to Austria, she had the sudden longing for a long train ride, and perhaps Austria would be beautiful. And maybe, Dan would be there, waiting for her.

* * *

**(A/N: I know, this is incredibly long. The longest chapter I have ever written, to be exact. I decided to use the song **_**No Air **_**by **_**Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown **_**since Chuck makes Blair breathless, and Dan, we all know what Dan does to Serena. I hope you all have enjoyed this long chapter, and please review it. It really gives me the inspiration to write more. Thanks! xoxo, )**


	4. Realise

**(A/N: Thank you to those who read and reviewed my previous chapter! Yeah, I guess it was pretty lengthy and hard to sit through, it being so long. I didn't plan it to be that long, wasn't quite intending to include all his messages and stuff, but decided it would be a lot more touching that way. Hope you guys liked that part, it felt quite good to make Serena realise that Dan still loves her, a lot. Relieved to close up the Chair part, needed to get that down before Dan leaves for Paris! This chapter will be an interesting one, I assure you. I intend to make it as sappy as possible, but you never know, I tend to be quite unpredictable as my story unravels, especially in this story, somehow what I intend to keep in, gets kicked out. Oh well, enjoy! The song is **_**Realise **_**by **_**Colbie Cailat**_**, I like this song, it always reminds me of these couples that break up and then get back together, and she's a brilliant singer. Remember to review after you've read, even anonymous reviews are welcomed. If you will realise, I'm changing the format where the song lyrics are, in order to maximise readability. xoxo)**

**

* * *

**

_Take time to realize,_  
_That your warmth is. Crashing down on in._  
_Take time to realize,_  
_That I am on your side_  
_Didn't I, Didn't I tell you._

_But I can't spell it out for you,_  
_No it's never gonna be that simple_  
_No I cant spell it out for you_

"You're flying off today, Humphrey?" Chuck looked at Dan, wearing a hoodie and jeans, carrying two luggages. The entire extended Bass-van der Woodsen-Humphrey family was around, at the apartment, as Dan bade goodbye to his dad and Lily. It would be the first time Dan was setting off on such a trip, and Rufus couldn't believe that Dan was doing this in the first place. Blair slipped her hand into Chuck's, and smiled at Dan, somewhat surprisingly. "Find Serena and bring her back, soon. Don't take any longer than two weeks!"

"I don't have any guarantees, but I have a pretty good gut feeling that I can find her soon. Alright, everyone, I think the driver's downstairs, I've got to go." Dan took a deep breath, and gave everyone a reassuring smile. In actual fact, no one really expected him to be able to find Serena easily. She hadn't called at all, just a text message, and she didn't say where she was going. Europe was huge, and she could have left for somewhere else without informing anyone.

"I'll go down with you." Rufus stood up from the couch, he had been sitting there quietly the entire time, not knowing what to say. His boy had really grown up now, he was a man already. "Dan, take care of yourself in Europe, there's not going to be anyone there looking for you, you've got to really watch yourself. Here, take this cash. Good luck, son."

Dan let the driver put his luggage in the back, while he hugged his dad. "Dad, I'll be back soon. I promise. See you!" He turned, and got into the limousine, Chuck's to be exact. He waved goodbye, as he thought about Serena. He had booked a flight from Paris to Austria, but he would have to stay in Paris overnight, but hadn't found a hotel. Deciding to take a short nap before he reached the airport, he put his phone aside and adjusted the privacy screen, then shut his eyes with Serena in mind.

* * *

_If you just realize what I just realized,_  
_Then we'd be perfect for each other_  
_And will never find another_  
_Just realize what I just realized_  
_We'd never have to wonder if_  
_We missed out on each other now._

"Do you have a flight to Frankfurt today?" Serena queried at the counter, she had asked to be driven to the airport, she had the sudden urge to go to Austria, and she knew that she could take a delightful relaxing train ride from Frankfurt to Vienna.

The lady at the service counter looked at Serena, then quickly typed something. "Well, Ms van der Woodsen, we have a flight to Frankfurt that's available, but it's tomorrow. Are you intending to travel somewhere from Frankfurt? A lot of countries you travelled to recently here in my record."

Serena smiled, and nodded. "I was thinking of taking the train to Vienna from Frankfurt, I read about it. Is there a flight to Vienna then?"

The lady laughed, and typed a few words, before shaking her head. "All the flights to Vienna today are fully booked as well, but I can get you a Business Class seat for the first flight to Vienna tomorrow."

"Sure, that'll be good. What time's the flight?" Serena twirled her hair, thinking about the imminent exploration of Vienna. Although the lack of a train ride was disappointing, at least she could have a great time in Vienna. From what she had heard and seen online, it was a beautiful place to visit.

"It's four in the morning. We could get you a room at the airport hotel, would you like that?"

"Yes, definitely. Thank you!"

* * *

_Take time to realize_  
_Oh-oh I'm on your side_  
_Didn't I, didn't I tell you._  
_Take time to realize_  
_This all can pass you by_  
_But I can't spell it out for you,_  
_No its never gonna be that simple_  
_No I can't spell it out for you._

Dan sat in the lounge, waiting for the announcement to board. Rufus had made him book a business class ticket, insisting that since it was a long flight, he might as well have it comfortable, and especially after he rejected Chuck's suggestion of the private jet. He opened his notebook, and grabbed a pencil.

'Dear Serena, I'm writing this at the LaGuardia airport, I'm going to board my flight soon. I'm flying to Paris to find you, Serena. I won't stay in Paris long, but I'm going to Vienna. I remember the time when you said you would go to Vienna, because it's where you will be at peace. I miss you so much Serena, I hope to see you soon. Will we meet in Vienna?' He heard the announcement calling for all passengers for the flight to Paris, and proceeded to the queue for Business Class passengers, praying that he had made the right gamble after all. _Serena, where are you. Do you know that I'm going to Europe to find you? Did you miss me? When we were at the hospital, talking, did you mean what you said? Did being strangers really make it so much easier for us to be together? I wish that message hadn't came in, and I had been brave enough to kiss you. Perhaps, if I had, you won't be in Europe, and I won't be here now. I love you so much._

_

* * *

_

_If you just realize what I just realized_  
_Then we'd be perfect for each other_  
_And we'll never find another_  
_Just realize what I just realized_  
_We'd never have to wonder if_  
_We missed out on each other but._

**(A/N: I will not elaborate on the details of the flight and all, it restarts from Serena now, she has landed in Vienna.) **

Serena stepped out of the arrivals hall, taking in a lungful of Austrian air. _Ah, this feels wonderful. I wonder how Vienna will be. Where's Dan, will he be here? _Looking around for signs, she headed for the information counter. "Good afternoon, may I know how to I get to the Haus de Musik?"

"Hold on, I'll check it out for you." The guy at the information counter had a thick accent, and she looked around the airport as she waited.

"Hi, do you know where I should go if I'm interested in knowing the stuff about music?" Serena heard a voice, so distinctly familiar, just opposite her.

Without looking to see who it was, she took out a brochure from her bag and walked over. Tapping the guy on the shoulder, she smiled and said, "Try the Haus de Musik, it's really amazing, it's a museum dedicated to music."

"Serena. Serena. I found you." Dan turned around, and pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead over and over again. He couldn't believe his luck. He hit the jackpot on his very first try.

She buried her head in his neck, breathing in his scent. "Dan," she let out. _What do I do, when fate wants me to be with you. _He took the brochure from her, and put her luggages with his on the trolley. Walking over to some seats at the waiting area, he was about to say something, but she interrupted him with a kiss.

"How did you know I'll be here." She looked at him, and her heart melted. He could guess where she was going to go, and it was a last minute decision. Didn't he say he was going to Paris? How did he know to fly to Austria?

"I remembered that you said that if one day you should need to hide, you'd go to Vienna. I knew I'd find you in no time. Everyone told me to take care, they expected me to take weeks to find you. But our hearts beat as one, and no one's denying that again. Did you hear my messages that I left? Oh, and I have something for you to read. I wrote it at the airport." Dan smiled, the passion burning in his eyes, all the love he felt for Serena, it was wonderful. Reunited finally, and just seeing her face, hearing her voice, breathing the air together, he felt so relieved. He delved into his bag, and took out his notebook.

"What's this?" Serena looked at Dan, he was smiling proudly, that silly lovestruck look all over his face. _I miss your goofiness, Dan. _

"It's just a collection of thoughts that I had when you were away. Shall we go find a car to bring us to a hotel?" Dan took her hand and his heart melted away with each breath she took and each glance she gave him.

"Are we gonna stay in Vienna for long? I promised everyone I would bring you back. Imagine how impressed they would be if I brought you back just three days after!" Dan laughed as Serena changed in front of him, they were just too comfortable for privacy. She didn't respond, but pulled on a long shirt from his luggage bag, and unbuttoned his shirt, one button at a time. Seductively, she nibbled on his ear, and kissed the back of his ear, right to his forehead.

"Let's make this one night count."

* * *

**(A/N: I know, this chapter is so short compared to my others, but I thought this was how it should end. The next chapter, I intend to get it up by Friday latest, got most of the skeleton down already, just need some elaboration and formatting, and of course, I need to sort out some of the details. If you haven't understood by now, this story will not be like my previous ones, I'm not going to dive right straight into fluff. It's going to be quite a awkward development, the next chapter. That's partly why I titled the first chapter **_**Dancing In Circles, **_**there's a reason, you know. And actually, I'm feeling pretty down now, so if this doesn't sound as happy as it should be, tell me. I can always change it afterwards, but I thought you guys deserved an update since it's done. Have a great day ahead. xoxo)**

_It's not the same_  
_No it's never the same_  
_If you don't feel it to._  
_If you meet me half way_  
_If you would meet me half way._  
_It could be the same for you._

_If you just realize what I just realized_  
_Then we'd be perfect for each other_  
_And we'll never find another_  
_Just realize what I just realized_  
_We'd never have to wonder_  
_Just realize what I just realized_

_If you just realize what I just realized_

_Oh_

_Missed out on each other now_  
_Missed out on each other now_

_Realize_  
_Realize_  
_Realize _**  
**


	5. The Man Who Can't Be Moved

**(A/N: Alright, I shall try to make this a more satisfying chapter to read, since some of you commented that it was a little short. Spain's playing tonight! I love Spain, really, not just because the players are awfully hot, but because they play football that's nice to watch! I'm glad that all of you enjoyed Dan and Serena meeting each other and getting back together, that was nice to write too, especially since we all know they're meant to be always. One reader commented that they shouldn't go back to New York just yet, and to let them explore Europe together. Well, my original plan was to have them return to New York, but I will incorporate some travels of Europe in this chapter before they go back, either by the end of this chapter or in the next. Tentatively, that's all I've got down, and the song that's gonna be used, is **_**The Man Who Can't Be Moved **_**by **_**The Script**_**, this song shouldn't be unfamiliar for all of you, it's a hit. Enjoy this, and review! I've got 15 reviews at the moment, so help me increase them! xoxo)

* * *

**

They had the hottest sex in a long time. Nate was good-looking, sure, but Dan, unsuspecting as he looked, was great. He didn't push too hard, he didn't force anything, but their bodies moved together in perfect time. Serena woke up, looking at Dan's curls resting on the pillow, his arm around her, their toes touching. It had been so long since they had woken up side by side, knowing that everything was fine. She kissed his forehead lightly, snuggling into his chest as Dan held her with both arms, tightly. Taking in his musky scent, and the soft flannel singlet he wore was so comforting to burrow her head in.

_Going back to the corner where I first saw you_  
_Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move_  
_Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand_  
_saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"_

"Hey baby, time to wake up." Dan breathed into her ear, and Serena pouted, her eyes on Dan. He winked at got up, licking his lips adorably, "I'm not falling for that, babe, we've got to go for lunch! I made an appointment for us, somewhere." He sat up for a moment and stretched, then rolled off their bed, smiling. Serena frowned, biting her lip gently, and gave Dan a sad look.

"I promise, you'll be delighted!" Dan grabbed a shirt and a pair of dark jeans from his luggage and walked into the bathroom, leaving Serena some time to get ready as well. He was still buzzing with excitement of finding Serena so quickly, it was quite amazing how he could read her mind. Knowing that Serena had wanted to go to the Haus de Muzik, and he intended to fulfill that wish of hers. _I've been waiting so long, running in every direction just to search for you, my love. I promise I'll make you happy, I'll ensure that every single moment you spend with me will be a happy one, and if you're sad I'll carry all of it on my back. Because I love you. _He was about to take off his condom, but realised he hadn't worn a condom at all. _It should be fine, Serena takes contraceptives, she's been on the pill for some time. What can happen anyway?_

_Some try to hand me money, they don't understand  
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man  
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do  
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you  
_

They walked to the lift lobby on their floor, arms linked together, and Dan kissed her nose lightly, teasingly. Serena placed her hands around his neck, and he automatically placed his around her waist. "A dance? Here?" He looked at her expression, she looked perfectly serious, but her smile was warm as always. He hummed a tune, and they swayed together, rounds and rounds, people walked by, but unusually, they didn't give them weird stares, but rather friendly nods and smiles.

"I love you so much, Dan. Thank you for helping me realise that I've been running away, round and round, when the one that I love, is the one I couldn't get over so many times." Serena threw her arms around him, his shoulders felt so much more muscular than the previous time she had done this, he had been working out considerably.

"I love you too, Serena. More than you'll ever know. Every time I see you smile, my heart smiles along with you, baby. Promise me we'll never break up, never again?" He stuck out his pinky, tongue poking out of his lips as he studied Serena's expression. "I promise, my love." She hooked her pinky around his and he pulled her towards him as he kissed her. First lightly, then harder, melting against each other's lips, tongues searching. _When I'm with you, I'll make every second count._

_Cause if one day you wake up and find your missing me  
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be  
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet  
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street  
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving  
_

"Has Dan called back yet?" Lily slipped her hand into Rufus', smiling as he flicked open the newspapers and drank his daily coffee fix. She sipped her tea a little, then took the papers away from Rufus, a strong sign that she wanted and needed to talk. Rufus took the hint immediately and downed the rest of his coffee and placed the mug on the counter. Placing his palms on the table, he smiled at Lily as he showed that he was ready to listen. "Aren't you worried about Dan? It's been three days since he left, and he hasn't called back. Not once. The same happened to Serena, and I'm kind of worried here, Rufus." She folded her arms, and her eyebrows creased as she looked at Rufus.

"Dan's a good kid. He'll call when he can, when he needs to. Perhaps he hasn't found Serena, and he doesn't want to be embarrassed because he hasn't found her yet. Give him a couple of hours, if he doesn't call by then, I'll call him. Is that okay?" Rufus put Lily's hands between his and grinned, as she sighed, conceding defeat. _I'm worried too, deep inside. But seeing LIly like this, I don't want to worry her further. If I tell her that I've tried calling Dan so many times, and he hasn't picked up once, she'll really panic. Damn it, Dan, pick up. _"Is Eric in his room? I need to ask him something." He thought of an idea, hoping that Eric would be able to help him.

_Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"_  
_I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"_  
_Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows_  
_If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go_

"Eric, can I come in?" Rufus knocked on his door, he could hear some faint music playing in the background. He could distinguish some chords, it was light guitar strumming, quite peaceful and inspirational-style. _He's such a sensitive kid, that's wonderful music. _"Eric?" He knocked again, and tried the doorknob. It wasn't unlocked. Eric had large, DJ-style headphones over his ears, it wasn't a wonder why he couldn't hear him. **(A/N: Sorry, I'm a huge fan of DJ headphones myself, couldn't help but put this in hehe) **Rufus tapped his chair lightly, and Eric jumped ever so slightly, and turned around, shocked.

"I'm so sorry, Rufus, I didn't hear you knock! Is there something you need to talk to me about?" Eric smiled cheesily, blushing a little as he pulled the headphones down around his neck. He ruffled his own hair slightly, messing up the hair that had been pressed down by the large headphone band, and spun his chair around to face Rufus. He couldn't help laughing, Eric's hair looked incredibly messy, yet his actions were just amusing as a whole, and he struggled to hold back the awkward snorts. "Yes, actually. Could you track Dan and Serena?" Eric did a double take, not quite understanding what Rufus meant, maintaining his puzzled look.

"There's a way, isn't there? Through the passports and stuff, could you help me find out how?" Rufus looked at Eric, his eyes were sad, Eric could tell that Rufus was truly worried about Dan and Serena, Serena hadn't called or texted since Blair came back, and Dan hadn't contacted them at all since he left, even though he promised to take care of himself, it was so unpredictable. Moreover, Dan was trusting, and he could understand why Rufus was in such a frenzy. "Well, Rufus, I really hate to say this, but both of them are about 18, and therefore, I don't think it's possible. I'm sorry... I'll try to get to them, I promise. Don't worry so much." He gave Rufus a small smile, knowing it made little difference apart from making himself feel better about not being able to do anything.

_Cause if one day you wake up and find your missing me_  
_and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be_  
_Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_  
_And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street_  
_So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,_  
_I'm not moving, I'm not moving_

"Oh, alright. Thanks anyway, Eric." Rufus could barely muster the joy to turn the edges of his lips upwards, and only managed a friendly blink, as he turned and left Eric's room, his mind even more boggled than before. Where on earth did Dan go to? Was there no connection where he was, or was he simply unwilling to be contacted? Had he found Serena? Was he safe? Could he be lost? Did he leave Paris or was he travelling around France now? _I just hope you'll tell me, son._

_People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl  
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world  
_

"Oh my goodness, Dan! This? Really?" Serena hugged him as Dan presented her with a Vespa outside their hotel. Pressing a hundred into the hand of the Austrian security guard who was standing next to the Vespa, he kissed her on the lips tenderly and looked deeply in her eyes as he whispered, "What my love wants, my love gets. I couldn't get you a Vespa three years ago, but I can now. Put this on." He handed to Serena a helmet, a well-polished white one with a tinted visor, and crammed his own over his mass of curls, which he had allowed to grow out since Serena had left, and it was perfectly fitting for his indie musician/writer style. He swung a leg over the Vespa and got on, shifting himself so that there was space for Serena, winking at her as she adjusted the helmet carefully, not wanting to mess her hair too much.

"I'm gonna be the only guy who's seeing that hair, and it's always beautiful, baby. Don't worry so much about it, hop on, otherwise we're gonna be late. I can't guarantee I can speed on a Vespa too." He cracked a joke with a completely straight face, but his eyes soon gave him away, and Serena couldn't help but giggle uncontrollably, leading to teases about her childlike giggles. She got on the Vespa, and wrapped her hands tightly around Dan's sculpted core muscles as he started zooming off, his curls flying with the wind, and his delightful cologne engulfed her as she breathed in his scent and kissed his back, just under the shoulder blade.

_Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved_  
_Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news_  
_And you'll come running to the corner_  
_cause you'll know it's just for you_  
_Im the man who can't be moved_

_I love you, Dan. No guy has ever done what you've done for me, no one has ever changed my life in this way you've made possible. Before you, I didn't know how to love myself, I didn't cherish the people in my life enough. I didn't know myself. But you've been the difference in my life, and I can't blame myself enough for ever letting you go. Thank you for coming back into my life and making me feel like I'm special again. I'll love you with all the passion you've ever showered on me, I won't ever let you down again. Promise me, Dan, that this time we can prove to my mum that when I told her we were forever, I was really telling the truth. I love you so much. _

Hugging Dan from behind as the wind raced through her hair felt just right, like how a dress fit nicely on her but wasn't constricting. Beautiful, yet totally within her comfort zone, he didn't care if her hair was in a mess, whether she was wearing a gorgeous dress. Complimented when necessary, spoilt all the time. He was the best guy she could ever ask for. Romantic and sensitive, she loved his writing so much. "Where are we going, Dan?" She yelled, fighting the onrush of wind that blew right in her face, it was slightly chilly but the warmth from Dan's back felt amazing.

_Cause if one day you wake up and find your missing me_  
_and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be_  
_Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_  
_And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street_  
_So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,_  
_I'm not moving, I'm not moving_

"I said it was a surprise and I'm not gonna spill!" He shouted back, trying to get his voice to cover the wind. _I want you to be amazed, baby. I know you'll be surprised, I'm not trying this time, I'm meaning it, I want it so badly. You're meant to be mine and you know it too, honey. Let's not deceive ourselves anymore and face the truth now. Because I don't want to lose you ever again. I don't think my heart can take that anymore. I love you more than words can describe, mi amor. _

Dan heard the GPS system fixed to the Vespa start to beep, and he looked to the direction the arrow was pointing. It was a pristinely white building, and Serena was right when she said it was a great place to visit. Without going in, he knew it was fantastic. _It's gonna be perfect, I can feel it. _"We're here! Didn't you want to come here?" He turned around to face a surprised Serena, smiling as she leaned in for a kiss. _Cause when I'm kissin' you my senses come alive, almost like the puzzle I've been trying to find. _Electricity sparked between their lips as the magic struck them, tongues endearing. As they slowly pulled away, the expression in their eyes mirrored the other's, and Dan was licking his lips slowly the way Serena did.

"Is this the surprise you said?" Serena looked at Dan, who nodded slightly, though his eyes betrayed otherwise. They walked into the museum, the interior was even more impressive than the exterior, it was vibrant and bright, unlike the dull classical feel they were both expecting. "Speak of tranquility and peace still?" Dan whispered in her ear and kissed it lightly, as she giggled and shrugged, walking ahead of him, teasing him, looking absolutely stunning in those killer heels.

Dan went off to the washroom for a moment, as Serena waited for him at the classical area, large headphones over her ears as she listened to some brilliant Mozart pieces, not that she was a huge classical fan or anything, but it was simply genius. She tapped her fingers on the posters, wondering why Dan was taking this long.

_Cause if one day you wake up and find your missing me_  
_and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be_  
_Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_  
_And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street_  
_So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,_  
_I'm not moving, I'm not moving_

Suddenly, a hand covered her ears. It smelt exactly like Dan. She took out the headphones and squealed as Dan teased her, placing his fingers of her lips and shushing her with a cheeky tone. She spun around, and Dan got down on one bended knee, holding a bouquet of pink roses wrapped in white cotton-tissue, with a few stalks of baby's breath entwined with the roses. She couldn't speak a word, it was beyond description, the shock she felt.

"Serena, I know that this has been fast, but this week that I've spent with you here in Europe, I know that you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Everything about you captures me, everything. I don't want to lose you anymore, I love you, Serena. I'll do anything for you, even if it means catching a star for you. Please, Serena, will you please, marry me?" He opened the ring box, it was beautiful. Not a large diamond, but it shone brightly in the light and the band was simple and delicate. He removed it from the box and held it over her hand and looked at her, hopeful and loving. She couldn't speak a word, but she smiled and nodded as tears streamed down her cheeks as he slipped the ring on her finger, it fit perfectly.

Entwined in an embrace, locked in a kiss; they couldn't believe this. Happiness.

_Going back to the corner where I first saw you_  
_Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move_

**(A/N: I completed this chapter after dwelling on it for 2 whole days! Can't believe it, normally I'm quite inspired, but I guess this turned out kind of different from I was expecting from myself, really. I love this song so much, it's beautiful. I guess you'll realise that my songs aren't always related to my story, and this is really one of the best examples. The only common thing is that this guy in the song is so crazily in love with her. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews from all of you! Is it a little much from me to demand 20 reviews before I upload my next chapter? Anonymous reviewing is enabled, in case you guys don't know! Enjoy this chapter, before I put on the next one! I daresay you guys will be quite surprised/shocked by the next one really. xoxo!)**


	6. Three Cheers For Five Years

**(A/N: WOW OH WOW. I didn't expect to hit 20 reviews so quickly! More than 20, even! Thank you, everyone who has reviewed! weedude, nope, they are NOT going to get married in Europe. THAT WOULD BE WAY TOO FAST. Plus, it totally doesn't fit with what I intend to do. The song I'm using in this chapter is **_**Three Cheers For Five Years **_**by **_**Mayday Parade**_**, I love this song a lot, and decided to use it after listening to the **_**Punk Goes Acoustic II **_**album. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and listen to the song while reading the chapter, it does help you get into the mood pretty much! I would like to warn you all in advance, this chapter may not be what you would have expected, after such a fluffy chapter 5, but this was necessary in order to prevent the story from becoming dull. It hurts me to write this too. Enjoy this chapter, and do be objective when reading! xoxo, !)**

**

* * *

**

"Hello, Dad? It's me, Dan."

"Dan? Son, why have you only called back now? I was so worried about you, you know! Have you found Serena yet?"

"Yes, Dad. I found her the first place I tried. We're going to the airport now, we've booked the flight that should fly into New York around early morning tomorrow. Serena wants to speak with Lily, so bye Dad! See you soon!"

As Serena took the phone to speak with her mum, who she clearly felt guilty about not contacting at all, Dan went to the lobby of their hotel and waited for the driver to arrive. They had booked the town car to fetch them to the airport, and he checked their luggages as he waited. A shiny, laid-back black car, polished to perfection, drove into the sheltered walkway and stopped. The chauffeur got out of the car, and politely half-bowed to Dan and Serena as he proceeded to put their luggage into the car boot.

_I swear that you don't have to go_  
_I thought we could wait for the fireworks_  
_I thought we could wait for the snow_  
_To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt_

_I wonder how they'll all take the news. It'll be a huge surprise, for certain. But I love her so much, and I know she's happy too. _

"Lily! Dan called!" Rufus burst into their room, where Lily was looking through her wardrobe, trying to find a suitable dress for a function that week. She immediately brightened up, and closed the wardrobe of gowns. "Dan called? How is he? Is he with Serena already?" She was overcome by a flurry of excitement, finally, after a week of silence on Dan's side, they finally heard from him. _Please let Serena be with Dan, please. I don't think I can endure another long spell of not knowing where she is anymore. Serena, come back. _

"He's with Serena. They're flying back today! He said they're flying back today, and Serena's on the line, she wants to speak to you." Rufus handed the phone to Lily, and smiled as her face lit up, just by hearing Serena's voice. Lily had been suppressing all her worries and yearning for Serena's return, and now that Serena was finally coming back after her extended holiday in Europe, he could see the relief that was coming over Lily. _Dan, I wonder how you did it. Are you two happy? Are you both back together again? Will it last, this time, after so many times of heartbreak, you both deserve a forever. I give you my blessings, no matter what._

_I thought I could live in your arms  
And spend every moment I had with you  
Stay up all night with the stars  
Confess all the faith that I had in you  
_

**(A/N: I'm not intending to elaborate on the happenings of the flight from Austria to New York, that would make it a little overly detailed, and that would be kind of TOO fluffy and not very interesting to read! I hope you guys don't mind too much, Dan and Serena will resume, as the plane touches down in New York.)**

"That was a terrible landing, my head hurts." Serena leaned back into the seat as most people got up to take their hand luggage from the overhead compartment. She closed her eyes and shook her head as her mind started to spin, and Dan looked on worriedly. "Are you alright? Just take your sweater, I'll handle the bags." He gave her a small smile, and took down the two bags that they had taken with them on the plane.

They got into the limousine, Lily had told Chuck to tell his driver to pick them up, Bryan was early and waiting for them already. "Dan, I don't know how things will pan out, now that we're back together, engaged, and we're back in New York. It's not gonna be like Austria, people here will constantly be on the lookout and Gossip Girl, I really don't wish to be the target of her blasts anymore. Her blasts always shake us up, I dread to think that will happen again." She looked at Dan, he was in a thoughtful mood, his expression showing that he was drifting away, thinking of the situation that she had laid out in front of him.

_Too late, I'm sure and lonely_  
_Another night, another dream wasted on you_  
_Just be here now against me_  
_You know the words so sing along for me baby_

"I promise you that none of that will happen again. If Gossip Girl wants to send out blasts about us, let's just make sure that every one of those blasts will make every boyfriend out there seeing us, completely jealous." He kissed her on the lips, softly, comforting. He knew that coming back to New York, would be difficult. With Nate so bitter when he asked him about Serena, he didn't know what to say to the man who had become one of his closest friends. With the added complication of their parents being married to each other, sharing a sibling; the exact reasons why they broke up before, he knew that it was a hell of a mess to deal with. But he had been prepared for all this before he even left New York, it was a tough time that was lying ahead of them. Full of judgement, assumptions, disgust, contempt; everything that they dreaded awaiting their return, but they would have to face it, no matter what. _At least, this time, I'll be the one that's going to be by your side, and I promise you I'll never break your heart again._

Serena looked at Dan, a sense of security embedded in him. He didn't need to be rich, didn't need to be from a wealthy background or have a trust fund; but he was the epitome of security. That was what she needed the most, after a torrid few years of teenage years. She didn't want to face all this that she knew they would have to, but at least, there was some comfort in the knowledge that all the shit that they needed to walk through, Dan would be with her, holding her hand through it all. _I wouldn't know what to do, if it wasn't for you. _"Thank you, Dan." She whispered the words in his ear, kissing it lightly, endearingly, she couldn't help this love that she felt.

_For heaven's sake I know you're sorry_  
_But you won't stop crying_  
_This anniversary may never be the same_  
_Inside I hope you know I'm dying_  
_With my heart beside me_  
_In shattered pieces that may never be replaced_  
_And if I died right now you'd never be the same_

"For what? You don't need to thank me at all. Love doesn't take apologies, it doesn't take thank yous, it doesn't tolerate anything else apart from its purest form. You changed my life, Serena. Don't say anything. The only words I want to hear from you is 'I do.' and 'I love you.' All the rest, it's negligible." She was about to inject in her own words, but he stopped her with a finger on her lips. Pressing the button to activate the privacy screen that Chuck had added on to his limousine for good reasons, he pulled her onto him as he breathed in her scent, a flurry of love washing over him.

"Serena and Humphrey are coming back today." Chuck stated matter-of-factly, as he bit into his bread. Sitting opposite Blair in her penthouse unit as Dorota stood by, he felt a sense of peace.

"Since when? Why didn't I know! And why do you know?" Blair was surprised, she did not expect Dan to be able to find Serena within the week, and he had definitely surpassed her expectations by far. She looked at Chuck, his face neutral, this man she would soon to come to address as her husband, and she no longer saw the playboy she saw a couple of years ago, but a man who had been forced to grow up too quickly, one who was still searching for himself. But under it all, he was sensitive beyond what he seemed, and after that romantic proposal, she had started to see Chuck in a completely different light, a varying kind of romanticism that she had thought of him before.

_I thought with a month of apart_  
_Together would find us an opening_  
_And moonlight would provide the spark_  
_And that I would stumble across the key  
_

_Or break down the door to your heart_  
_Forever could see us not you and me_  
_And you'd help me out of the dark_  
_And I'd give my heart as an offering_

"Lily told me. They're borrowing Bryan for the morning. Serena didn't call after all, huh." He downed the rest of his drink and got up, holding his briefcase.

"Wait, if they borrowed Bryan, how are you gonna get to work?" Blair stood up, and kissed Chuck on the cheek, and fixed his tie slightly. She looked at him, as he slicked his hair back.

"That's why I'm not going to work now. I'm going over to Lily's, and Bryan's gonna drop them off there. You want to come along and talk to Serena afterward?" Chuck looked at the disappointment that was on her face, she was obviously completely unaware that Serena was back, and hurt by the fact that Serena hadn't called to tell her. He put a hand on her shoulder, and nodded slightly, to tell her that he understood. She held up five fingers, and went upstairs to change.

Too late, I'm sure and lonely  
Another night, another dream wasted on you  
Just be here now against me  
You know the words so sing along for me, baby

"Dan and Serena should be arriving within the next half an hour, I guess?" Rufus glanced again at his watch, the fifth time he had done so that last ten minutes. He was so glad that his son was back this quickly, he couldn't help but feel uneasy that he and Serena would be coming back together. He wasn't completely sure if they were a couple now, but even if they weren't, it was bound to be awkward. He was unsure if he was ready to have the 'You can't date a girl who's mother is your stepmother' talk with Dan, they had been willing to give up their relationship the previous time, but he had this deep feeling that things were vastly different this time.

"Mr Humphrey, Ms Van der Woodsen, you said you wanted to go to the loft first?" Bryan's voice came over the hidden speaker in the limousine, and Dan was taken by surprise.

"Yeah, we just need to drop off our luggage, we'll get off there. You need to fetch Chuck, don't you? We're not exactly in much of a hurry really. The loft will do." Dan squeezed Serena's hand, smiling. He knew they had to plan what they would say to Rufus and Lily, otherwise they would just screw everything up and start rambling. _You and me, against the world. But it's enough, really. Love overcomes everything, and I believe in miracles, darling._

_For heaven's sake I know you're sorry  
But you won't stop crying  
This anniversary may never be the same  
Inside I hope you know I'm dying  
With my heart beside me  
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced  
And if I died right now you'd never be the same  
_

"Bryan. Why aren't Mr Humphrey and Ms Van der Woodsen here?" Chuck stared at his driver in total disbelief, convinced that Dan and Serena hadn't been picked up after all. He put down his briefcase, adamant to get his point across to Bryan, who had a neutral expression, not trying to defend himself.

"Mr Humphrey and Ms Van der Woodsen asked to be dropped off at their Brooklyn loft, and they said they would be over on their own afterwards. Mr Bass, to the office?" Bryan bowed slightly, and picked up Chuck's briefcase.

As all of them slumped in disappointment that Dan and Serena had chosen to go back to the loft first, Blair particularly disappointed. Serena didn't think it was important to tell her that she was back? Or that she came back with Dan Humphrey? _I thought we were friends beyond secrets. _Lily had been awaiting Serena's return with excitement, after so long that her daughter had kept away, she still didn't want to come home even though she was back in New York. She didn't know which was worse. That Serena was with Dan, her husband's son; or that Serena didn't feel the need to tell her mother that she decided to drop in Brooklyn before returning home. _I don't understand, I can't read your mind anymore, my daughter. Why?_

_And I will always remember you as you are right now to me  
And I will always remember now  
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side  
Sleep alone tonight  
_

"I think my dad's gonna flip when he knows that we didn't go there directly." Dan kissed Serena, and whispered to her in between breaths.

"I miss pancakes." Serena ignored Dan's statement completely, she didn't know what to say; Rufus would definitely be worried, and she didn't even want to think about how her mother would respond. She sat up, and lay on Dan's shoulder as they stopped and stared**(A/N: Stop and Stare! OneRepublic!)** into the air, both not knowing what was the best thing to end the silence.

"Let's go for pancakes then, we can go to your mum's after that." Dan stood up, and pushed the sleeves up on his hoodie, walking to his room to change into something that wasn't as warm, as Serena pouted, lying down on his couch. Moments later, he walked out, in a white and grey striped long-sleeved tee and jeans, the sleeves pushed up casually. Serena's heart skipped a beat, he looked so handsome, even when he wasn't trying. "Stop making me want to kiss you." She looked at Dan, his newly-chiselled chest that looked amazing in the tee, and kissed him. Slowly, passion burning. He cupped her face with his warm hands, and licked her teeth, grinning. "Come on, didn't you say you wanted pancakes?"

_How does he feel, how does he kiss_  
_How does he taste while he's on your lips_  
_How does he feel, how does he kiss_  
_How does he taste while he's on your lips_  
_How does he feel, how does he kiss_  
_How does he taste while he's on your lips_  
_How does he feel, how does he kiss_

**(A/N: I really hate to write this part, but I guess, it had to happen.)**

They walked out of the little cafe by the side. The pancakes had been superb, as always. Somehow, when they were just in love like that, everything tasted perfect. _Like you. _Dan took Serena's hand, and they laughed simultaneously. _Like you, rather. _Kissing her, Dan licked her lips, the pancake and syrup still present. _No, you. _Serena pulled away playfully and crossed the street, turning back, teasing Dan.

A car was incoming, and it was going fast. Serena was right in the direction where the car was heading, and Dan had just enough time. He took three quick steps, each for the reason why he did it in the first place. Pushing Serena out of the way, he threw himself where Serena had been, just managing. She was out of danger, the car missed her by a clear two metres. But Dan took the hit for her, sent flying by the left bumper of the car. The driver screeched to a halt, turned around. Dan was sprawled on the ground, bleeding. The driver got back into his car and drove off without a word, leaving a near-hysterical Serena leaning against the side of another car, looking at Dan's lifeless body. His eyes were flickering, and his lips moving just so slightly.

Serena put her head near his mouth, and she could only make out four distinct words out of a ramble of others. Whispered, and the only words he could muster the energy for. It was all he was living for, this past weeks. The only thing that gave him the reason to fly somewhere with the rationality of a kid. The sole reason why he could give up everything. The one possibility for which he risked the wrath of everyone else. One reason why he would be willing to endure the judgements and doubt of others.

_Inside I hope you know I'm dying_  
_With my heart beside me_  
_In shattered pieces that may never be replaced_  
_And if I died right now you'd never be the sam_e

"Serena…." He uttered a scramble of words she could barely make out, only her name. She was in tears, someone had called the ambulance. "I..love...you."

_I can't forget you_  
_I know you want me to want you_  
_I want to_  
_But I can't forgive you_  
_So when this is over don't blow your composure baby_  
_I can't forgive you_  
_I know you want me to want you I want to_  
_But I can't forgive you_  
_So when this is over don't blow your composure baby_  
_I can't forgive you_  
_I know you want me to want you I want to _

**(A/N: I'm ending this chapter here. No idea when I'll be updating again, my work attachment is over, and I've got quite a few projects to be rushed out. I think that some of you might kind of hate me, why did I let this happen to them. Well, I can tell you that ONE day, Dan will be fine. But how long it'll take, well, that's something I haven't quite decided yet. I hope you guys like this song, it's really quite something, the acoustic version in the **_**Punk Goes Acoustic 2 **_**album was really amazing. Thanks for reading, as always. Comments and reviews are always very welcome! xoxo)**


	7. Down Without You

**(A/N: Yes, I know the previous chapter was sad. I actually felt quite into the mood when I was writing the last few paragraphs, it came really easily. I know that was quite a depressing part to read, and I would like to warn you guys that this next chapter will possibly be quite sad as well. There will be greater exploration of Serena's feelings in this chapter, as she deals with the reality that Dan could be gone any moment, towards the end of the chapter. It may not be my best work to date, but I really hope you guys will enjoy it. For the record, the lyrics used in this chapter is **_**Down **_**by **_**Jason Walker, **_******as featured in The Vampire Diaries and One Tree Hill; **_**and Without You by Hinder**_**, it's one of my favorite songs to get over a breakup. Really beautiful song, these two. Alright, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and continue to review and comment on my writing, cause I think it's really helping me to improve on it! xoxo)**

"Lily, we've got to go to the hospital now. Serena just called, Dan's in the emergency room." Rufus came into the living room from the balcony, his expression grim, hair obviously ruffled through. Blair's face was pure shock, she couldn't believe it. Just an hour ago, they were expecting the two of them. And now, Dan was in hospital? What on earth had happened to him? _I wonder how Serena's feeling now, this must be complete hell for her now. _

Lily was startled, she couldn't imagine how her daughter was feeling at that moment. Grabbing her coat and purse, she stumbled into Rufus' arms as they bundled out of the apartment and hailed a cab to get to the hospital, Blair and Eric just behind them. Not knowing the exact situation that Dan was in, they could nothing more, but just hope for the best. Rufus was in shock, but he knew he had to be strong. Judging from Serena's shakiness when she called, he was prepared for the worst. It didn't sound good, but he prayed that the good Lord would be merciful and spare Dan's life. _You have a long way to go, my son. Be strong, for the ones you love._

_I don't know where I'm at  
I'm standing at the back  
And I'm tired of waiting  
Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing.  
_

Serena was distraught, sitting outside the operating theatre where Dan had been wheeled into an hour ago, she hated herself. She shouldn't have ran onto the road, and then Dan wouldn't be here right now. No matter how she tried to see things, it seemed that she couldn't escape from taking responsibility for it. It looked like a bad bang, he had been knocked clear and flying. She prayed hard, that the words he told her before he lost consciousness, wouldn't be the last words she would ever hear. The words, 'I love you', she couldn't help but recall the first time he said it to her, just hearing his voice in her mind brought tears to her eyes. _I love you so much Dan, don't just go like this, I won't be able to live without you. We're supposed to be happily engaged, facing troubles about breaking the news, not like this. Don't go, Dan. Don't go. Stay strong, my love. _

Rufus, Lily, Eric and Blair came round the corner and saw Serena, sitting on a seat with her head bent low and her hands clasped together in a prayer, and Lily couldn't help but cry. She had never seen Serena this way, her sobs uncontrollable and so distraught that she had resorted to prayer, she wasn't a religious person. Blair sat next to her and put her hand on Serena's shoulder, comforting her. Squeezing her shoulder gently and whispering 'It's okay', it did nothing but make Serena tear more. It was exactly what Dan would have done had he seen her like this.

"What happened." Eric was the only one who dared to say it, and he knew that if he didn't, no one would ask. He had a slight feeling it had been an accident, and it was probably the case, but only Serena would know.

_I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down_  
_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_  
_Never know why it's coming down, down, down._

_*Flashback: _

_They walked out of the little cafe by the side. The pancakes had been superb, as always. Somehow, when they were just in love like that, everything tasted perfect. Like you. Dan took Serena's hand, and they laughed simultaneously. Like you, rather. Kissing her, Dan licked her lips, the pancake and syrup still present. No, you. Serena pulled away playfully and crossed the street, turning back, teasing Dan._

_A car was incoming, and it was going fast. Serena was right in the direction where the car was heading, and Dan had just enough time. He took three quick steps, each for the reason why he did it in the first place. Pushing Serena out of the way, he threw himself where Serena had been, just managing. She was out of danger, the car missed her by a clear two metres. But Dan took the hit for her, sent flying by the left bumper of the car. The driver screeched to a halt, turned around. Dan was sprawled on the ground, bleeding. The driver got back into his car and drove off without a word, leaving a near-hysterical Serena leaning against the side of another car, looking at Dan's lifeless body. His eyes were flickering, and his lips moving just so slightly._

_Serena put her head near his mouth, and she could only make out four distinct words out of a ramble of others. Whispered, and the only words he could muster the energy for. It was all he was living for, this past weeks. The only thing that gave him the reason to fly somewhere with the rationality of a kid. The sole reason why he could give up everything. The one possibility for which he risked the wrath of everyone else. One reason why he would be willing to endure the judgements and doubt of others._

_"Serena…." He uttered a scramble of words she could barely make out, only her name. She was in tears, someone had called the ambulance. "I..love...you." *_

_Not ready to let go  
Cause then I'd never know  
What I could be missing  
But I'm missing way too much  
So when do I give up what I've been wishing for.  
_

As she poured out everything that had happened while it repeated in her mind, the anguish in her voice was distinct, and she knew it had been all her fault. Blair and Lily were in tears, they knew how Serena was feeling, thinking that it had been her fault. Eric leaned against the wall, it broke his heart, knowing that Dan's last words said were that way. What if it were his last words? It would kill Serena if Dan died this way. He looked at his sister, distraught, leaning forward in the seat, her hands clasped together. Something was reflecting light. Moving nearer, he realised that Serena was wearing a ring on her left hand, on the ring finger. Had Dan already proposed to her in Europe? If that was the case, that would explain why she felt like this.

Rufus paced up and down the corridor, his arms folded. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling that Dan would be fine. _You're strong, my boy. You love Serena, and you're breaking her heart like this. _He sent a short text to Jenny, informing her about Dan's accident, and looked at the sign outside the operating theatre, hoping that he would be fine. _You're my only son, Dan._

___I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down_  
_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_  
_Never know why it's coming down, down, down._  
_Oh I am going down, down, down_  
_Can't find another way around_  
_And I don't want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found._  


Moments later, the light on the 'operating' sign went off. The doors opened, and a male doctor wearing scrubs walked out. "Which one of you is Dan Humphrey's family?"

Rufus stepped forward, "I'm his father, we all are. How is my son?"

The doctor removed his face mask and let it hang by one side, then gave them a small nod of acknowledgement. "We have tried our best, and Mr Humphrey is out of danger for the time being, but due to the knock that he suffered on his head, he will be unconscious for an extended period of time. We cannot confirm when he will regain consciousness, but there is no sign of clotting in his brain. He will be fine, if he does regain consciousness within the week, but if he doesn't, we cannot confirm anything. Do be prepared though." Shaking Rufus' hand, he walked away, leaving them shell-shocked.

___I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down_  
_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_  
_I never know why it's coming down, down, down._  


"Dan's unconscious. Unconscious, Mum. He can't be fine if he's unconscious!" Serena broke down, unable to control her tears as they streamed down her cheeks. Sobbing, she buried her head in Lily's shoulder, she couldn't believe this. Dan would be in a coma, and it was all her fault. Had she not been playing, on the road no less, they would be happily having tea now. _Dan, please be fine and wake up soon, we're supposed to be frantic telling them that we're engaged, not this. Please, Dan. I love you so much, don't leave me alone._

As Dan was wheeled into a ward, a single ward, Rufus and Lily couldn't do much. Serena was inconsolable, tears streaming down her cheeks like there was no tomorrow. Blair got up, "I'll get going, there are some things I've got to do. I'll come here later. Eric, you?"

Eric nodded, and left with Blair, as Serena faced Lily and Rufus squarely. "I'd prefer, if I could have some alone time with Dan. I know he's unconscious, but there's a lot I need to say to him, and…" She trailed off, knowing she had gotten the point across, and she couldn't continue. _Dan…_ Lily and Rufus exchanged a look, they knew that considering Serena's state, that wasn't the best solution, but they knew they should respect her wish as well. "Well, alright. We'll be back later, in the evening. Don't worry, Dan will be fine. My son's a strong man." Rufus put his hand on her shoulder and nodded, before walking away with Lily, whose face was full of sorrow and worry.

___I shot for the sky_  
_I'm stuck on the ground_  
_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down_  
_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_  
_Oh it's coming down, down, down._  


Serena sat next to Dan, his head was bandaged heavily, scratches on his arms and legs, pretty bad gashes on the elbows, her heart ached as she traced his injuries with her fingers gently. She put two pillows on either side of him, and pulled the chair closer to the bed. Holding his hand gingerly, a drip attached to him, she couldn't help the tears that came down repeatedly.

Meanwhile, Eric and Blair were in a cab, both remaining quite silent. "Blair, did you notice something about Serena?" He probed, hoping he wasn't the only one who had noticed that Serena was wearing a ring, and was quite possibly engaged. That kind of pressure, was something her didn't quite want to handle. He fiddled with his fingers, as Blair considered his question. What kind of different was Eric driving at?

"No, not really. She's upset, but we can't blame her. Apart from the sudden togetherness she has with Dan, but no." Blair couldn't quite get what Eric had noticed.

"Serena was wearing a ring. On the ring finger, of her left hand. Didn't you see it?" Eric stated, matter-of-factly, as he realised Blair hadn't noticed, and most likely his mother as well. _Maybe they're too absorbed in their own happiness they won't notice. But I'm not sure if it's a blessing. _

"Dan proposed to Serena in Europe? That would make a lot more sense. Oh no, then how is Serena going to take this? We really have to be here for her." Blair cursed herself for not noticing that her best friend was engaged, for not being able to console her best friend.

_I just wanna be alone tonight  
I just wanna take a little breather  
Cause lately all we do is fight  
And every time it cuts me deeper  
_

Serena kept a watchful eye over Dan, perhaps he would wake up any moment and tell her all was fine. A week. How fast was a week? They had spent a week together, and it had breezed by, it was a wonderful week. This week, was different. Completely. "Dan, I don't know why this had to happen. I can't imagine a world without you anymore, Dan. Don't leave me here alone in this world, don't go. Why. Why only do this to me when I've realised you're the only one I want to be with in this life. Could you be strong, for me, fight it out, come back to me. If you leave, I don't see any meaning in this life anymore."

She gripped his hand, it felt warm, it felt alive. He was still alive, but he couldn't respond. Serena sobbed, as the machines attached to Dan ticked, each of them making a different sound, reminding that he was very much alive, just unable to speak to her, just unconscious. What if Dan never woke up? _I don't know what to do, I don't have an aim in my life, Dan. My only wish, as of when we came back from Europe, was to spend time with you, in our blissful married life. _What if there came a time when the doctor told her to decide whether or not to end Dan's suffering? _I don't want to be the one told that I could pull the plug anytime, I'm wearing your ring, but we'll never have a wedding? I don't even want to think about life without you, don't do this to me. _

_Cause something's changed_  
_You've been acting so strange_  
_And its taking its toll on me_  
_Its safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave_

She took the ring in her hand, kissing it and putting it between her hand and Dan's. "This ring, Dan. This is the reason why you have to wake up, you promised me. You promised me we'll never be apart. You promised me that you'll never leave me behind, no matter what. I'm supposed to be your Mrs Humphrey. Wake up soon, Dan. I'd gladly be in your position if it means that you'll be alive." She put the ring back on her finger, it was the best memory she could have of Dan, should he, one day, really have to go. They might never have the chance to walk down the aisle together, to the cheers and applause of everyone they knew and loved. She might never have the chance to be addressed as, Mrs Humphrey. Dan could be gone any second without saying goodbye. His last words, would be for her, but she didn't want those words to be the last. They couldn't be.

_I can see the light, it's shining so brightly in front of me. Where am I? He could see his reflection in the mirrors along the tunnel. He was in those clothes he had worn out, to have pancakes. I remember Serena and I were walking out of the pancakes place. She was on the road… What happened? Why am I here?_

_Without you, I live it up a little more everyday  
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently  
I didn't wanna believe it then  
But it all worked out in the end  
When I watched you walk away  
Well I never thought id say  
I'm fine  
Without you  
_

Serena drew the curtains closed, and gave Dan a lingering kiss on his lips, as she got up. "I love you, Dan. Please don't leave me. I'll be here, waiting for you."

"_I love you." The words reverberated around the tunnel. Serena? It was her voice, it was vibrating around him. Silence echoed her voice. Where are you, Serena! He shouted, but no words came out of his mouth. Trapped in silence, he couldn't speak. He could hear her voice, it was so clear, but unable to respond. "Please don't leave me." He heard her voice again, and he ran up and down the tunnel in anger. Where was she? Why couldn't he see her, but only hear her voice? What was this damned place that he was in? "I'll be here, waiting for you." Her voice seemed to be teasing him now. Tears burst out of him in frustration, he couldn't understand what was happening to him. Could it be, that is was where people went, when they died? Had he died? No, this couldn't be happening to him. He was supposed to be marrying Serena, soon. Not stuck in this forsaken place which was full of cold, evil. I want to get out of this place, he shouted. And this time, he heard himself._

_Called you up cause' it's been long enough  
And you said that you were so much better  
We have done a lot of growing up  
We were never meant to be together  
_

Serena left the room to go the washroom, this feeling was overwhelming her, she couldn't take this sorrow anymore. Stressed out, she ran into a cubicle and sat on the seat, crying her heart out. Her eyes were swollen and her make-up was all smudged, but it didn't matter. _"I'm the only one who's going to see that hair." _It was like Dan's voice was clouding her memory, compounding the hurt she was going through.

"When the time comes to let go, I won't."

_I shot for the sky,  
I'm stuck on the ground,  
So why did I try,  
I know I'm gonna fall down._

_Cause something changed, you were acting so strange  
And it's taken its toll on me  
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave  
_

**(A/N: I decided to end the chapter here! I wasn't sure how was the best way to continue it, so I guess this is the end of chapter 7, hope you guys enjoyed it. The song's beautiful, isn't it. I wish Gossip Girl had featured it too, it's so wonderful. I know, this part about Dan dying, I'm actually considering that possibility, it would give a really huge twist to the entire story, so we'll see how everything goes. What did you guys think of this chapter? Hated it? Review and comment please, I really appreciate everything that you guys say. The last bit after this, is just a short thing I wanted to write, give me some comments perhaps. xoxo)**

_I'm thinking back to the first time that we met,  
When I didn't know you existed yet.  
I thought you were some guy I knew,  
Never did I know guys like you were few.  
You showed me what was love about,  
I didn't know what I had been living without._

_Don't leave me now,  
Don't leave me like this.  
I'm loving you forever,  
Be my hero,  
My knight in shining armour. _


	8. Still, Stop Crying Your Heart Out

**(A/N: This is the eighth chapter of **_**Finding Our Love To Restart It All**_**, and this chapter will be a chapter for you to interpret, definitely. The song I'm using in this chapter is **_**Stop Crying Your Heart Out **_**by **_**Oasis**_**. I love Oasis, they have some of the most amazing songs I've heard, definitely. There will be some inserts of **_**Jonathan Jones' The Stills **_**as well, I love this guy's voice. He's the lead singer of the now-defunct Waking Ashland and We Shot The Moon, which I featured in another chapter. I used some lyrics from **_**Every Avenue's Tell Me I'm A Wreck **_**as well. There will be time jumps here and there, so I will include short bolded lines here and there. Alright, I have a distinct feeling that this will be quite a long chapter, actually. Read slowly, it's the best way to enjoy it. I hope. Sorry about taking so long to get this up, SCYHO lyrics are in italics, and The Stills' lyrics are underlined. Thanks for reading this, and please review! xoxo)**

**Note: I had put this up at first, but decided to take it down and change it. Sorry about that, and the story that you might have read when this first went up is a little different. **

"Serena's still at the hospital?" Chuck got back from work, and removed his jacket. He had been told of Dan's plight, and they had decided to visit Dan right after their dinner. It was the only thing they could do, and Blair felt guilty, for she was Serena's best friend, yet there was little she could do to cheer her up. She didn't even notice that Serena was wearing a ring, for goodness' sakes. Chuck pulled on a sweater, and took off his tie, and instantly went into after work style, giving Blair a tired smile. "Does Nate know?" He looked at Blair, who avoided his gaze. She had tried to contact Nate, but his voice message was a deterring "I'm with Chuck's black book. Call me later.", and she had no idea how to get him to answer his calls.

"Nate doesn't know? I'll call him now." Chuck was insistent that in this time when Serena needed them most, they had to be there for her. And that included Nate, no matter how bitter he was about their breakup. Blair knew it was useless trying to tell Chuck anything, and he was probably the only person would be able to convince Nate to go with them. Anyhow, Nate and Dan were friends, even through Serena's relationship with him, Dan had been supportive and understanding. He had to be there for the friend who hadn't done him much wrong, apart from being the one that Serena loved.

"Was it okay to leave Serena on her own with Dan in the hospital? I just feel that we should be there, it's quite a huge blow. Especially knowing that it was saving her that landed him like this, I don't know, Rufus, I don't know what to say to make my daughter feel better when I'm not even confident myself." Lily leaned against Rufus, who took her in his embrace, he knew exactly how she felt, just worse. The heartbreak that Serena felt, he felt it ten times harder. His son, could be gone any second. But he couldn't face Dan, cause every time he saw the bandages around his head he just felt that somehow, perhaps, there had been something along the way he could have done to avoid this entirely.

_Hold up_  
_Hold on_  
_Don't be scared_  
_You'll never change what's been and gone_

"Nathaniel, it's me. Where are you now, I'll pick you up. There's somewhere we've got to go to now." Chuck spoke urgently into his phone, his tone stern and formal, as Blair looked on in the background, hoping that whatever Chuck was going to say would convince Nate to go visit Dan. Or at least, succeed in blackmailing him to visiting Dan. It was only human, after all. They were friends, regardless of all the shenanigans regarding Serena and the complicated love triangle they had drawn.

Serena sat in the hard chair next to Dan's bed. The machines hummed and beeped constantly, but it filled the silence in the air as she studied Dan's face. He looked at peace, a small smile even? Her heart was heavy and she couldn't help but wish that somehow, she was the one lying there and him healthy and well. "Dan, you've been sleeping the entire afternoon. That's a long enough nap, darling. Wake up already, alright? I'm hungry, let's have some dinner? I miss your spaghetti, baby." She held his hand gingerly, his was warm and pulsing, hers felt clammy and cold in comparison. Holding it to her face, she let his fingers brush against her face. Her tears had all dried up, she had no more to spare, she could feel the sinking, but no tears came.

"Can you hear me, Dan? I'm calling you. I'm waiting for you to give me the term Mrs Humphrey. Wake up, Dan. Don't sleep anymore. I don't want to see you sleep anymore." She sobbed, and the tears started again, rolling down her cheeks. Blair, Chuck and Nate were standing outside, they had arrived a couple of minutes ago, but seeing Serena like that, none of them knew what to say to her. "Why didn't you guys tell me earlier." Nate let out, his voice losing all the spite that he had before. "Why. How did this happen to him." Blair explained, and Nate held his head in his hands as he realised how much Dan loved Serena, so much that he was willing to sacrifice himself for her. _My friend, you deserve her. I give you two my blessings, Dan, wake up, for her. You love her, you won't want her to see like this, will you?_

_May your smile (may your smile)  
Shine on (shine on)  
Don't be scared (don't be scared)  
Your destiny may keep you warm  
_

As they saw Serena, crying like they had never seen before, they knew that they had to do something to get mind off things. Blair walked into Dan's room, seeing Serena holding his hand, crying. "S, go walk outside for a while and get some fresh air with me. It's good for you. Come on." She pulled Serena out of the room, while Chuck and Nate entered, giving Serena sympathetic smiles as she drifted past them. Her eyes were soulless, like she was seeing them, but not really seeing. Nate saw her, and she looked about as lifeless as when she broke up with Dan. Worse, even. _I can't do anything, can I. I couldn't even come here when it happened. _

"Dude, you've got to wake up. Even if not for yourself, you've got to do it for her. She's crying her heart out for you, can't you hear it?" Nate murmured, looking at Dan, bandaged and all. "Nate's right, Humphrey. Get back up like a man, don't let a woman cry over you any longer. Serena needs you."

_Cos all of the stars_  
_Are fading away_  
_Just try not to worry_  
_You'll see them some day_  
_Take what you need_  
_And be on your way_  
_And stop crying your heart out_

**(A/N: Alright, this is when I'll have a time jump) **

A week had passed, and Dan hadn't woken up from the coma yet. The doctors told Serena that since Dan had passed the window period and was fine, it would be entirely up to him when he would wake up. He was out of danger, just unconscious. She sat next to him, the curtains were drawn open, fresh flowers in the vase on the table. "It's been a week, honey. When will you wake up and tell Rufus and my mum that we're getting married? I can't do it on my own." She had been visiting Dan every day, Blair and Nate had started back at Columbia, Chuck was busy at the office, Eric was in his final year at St. Jude's. She had given up on everything else, and spent every bright hour in the hospital, either with Dan or with the doctors, trying to find out if there was anything they could do just to help him get better faster.

Serena took a wet cloth and cleaned Dan's face gently, Rufus had been helping him shave, and he looked as handsome as ever. However, the light in his face has disappeared, that brightness that was on show in Europe, was drained from him. _"When you tell me I'm a wreck, You say that I'm a mess, How could you expect anything less, You latched on to me then cried I strung you along." _She sang softly, hoping to get a response. All week, she had been trying anything and everything. But so far, nothing worked as much to get even a flicker of his eyelids. Her mother told her she shouldn't spend so much time in the hospital, it was terribly demoralising, but she knew, she wanted to be the first one Dan would see, when he woke up. _He will wake up soon, Mum. I know it. The first one he sees, I want it to be me._

_Get up (get up)  
Come on (come on)  
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)  
You'll never change  
What's been and gone  
_

"Nate, Chuck and I are going to visit Humphrey. You wanna come along?" Blair caught Nate in the corridors, and stopped him. She had not been to the hospital much, preferring to see Serena at night, when she went home.

"Sounds good to me. Outside, in ten?" Nate nodded, knowing that they should at least do this for Serena.

"Serena, hey." Nate opened the door to Dan's room, Serena was leaning back in the chair, just staring at Dan's face. She could have been doing that for the past few hours, but none of them knew. "How's the man doing?" The minute the words left his lips, Blair kicked him in the heel, it was the wrong thing to say, judging from Serena's face.

"He's past the window period. I don't know."

**(A/N: Time Jump.)**

Two months went by, it seemed like eternity for Serena. Every single day, she had made her way to the hospital dutifully. _And the days have gone long, I sing the same song. _She wiped Dan down, the bandages removed. All the gashes on his arms and legs had healed. Like the doctors said, his body was ready. All that was left was his will to wake up, or to give up and let go. Religious volunteers in the hospital had come by often, and said a prayer or two for Dan, perhaps it was working, because he was completely fine. The unconsciousness, to some extent, was inexplicable.

_Cos all of the stars_  
_Are fading away_  
_Just try not to worry_  
_You'll see them some day_  
_Take what you need_  
_And be on your way_  
_And stop crying your heart out_

Her phone rang, it was Nate. It was a surprise, it had been so long since Nate had contacted her, and the only time they had met was when he came with Chuck and Blair occasionally to visit Dan, and even so, they had barely spoken.

"Hello? Nate?"

"Serena. Hey, is this a good time? I think, there are some things we never spoke about, and I would rather clear it all up than let this friendship go to waste."

"Well, I guess it's fine, the doctor won't be coming around for another couple of hours. Is it okay for you to come down to the hospital? We could talk in the park or something, I don't really want to leave this area."

"Alright, I'll be there in an hour. See you."

Why did Nate suddenly think that he needed to clear things up? It was a messy breakup, definitely, she regretted the manner in which it had happened, but then again, there wasn't much she could avoid with regards to Nate. They had been good friends for too long, then when he cheated on Blair with her, somehow it just bit on her conscience, and she couldn't do that to Blair. Not to the one who was her best friend. Then again, when they had gotten back together later, she had been in love with Tripp, ditched and dumped because of his political reasons. Did she really love Nate then? A wave of confusion swept over her, as she absent-mindedly twisted her hair around her finger.

I thought it over but I still don't know  
If your feelings changed just let this go

Serena sat on a bench in the park, watching the other patients, dressed in hospital garb, walking around freely, or with the assistance of nurses or loved ones. _I wonder when you can walk around here and admire the flowers with me. Will it be soon? _

"Hey, Serena." Nate interrupted her thoughts, and gave her a small smile, as he sat next to her. Some time ago, suddenly hearing Nate's voice would have made her heart flutter and put a beam on her face, but he no longer had that effect on her anymore.

"Nate." Serena responded with a polite nod. "You said, there was something you wanted to clarify?"

"Yes, actually. I just wanted to tell you, when I broke up with you, or rather, when you broke up with me, I wasn't thinking straight. I should never have let you go. I know now isn't quite the right time, with Dan like this and everything, but I feel that you should know that, I have never given up on you, Serena." Nate put his hand out to touch hers, and smiled at her, that alluring smile that would melt the hearts of many young girls like her before, but Serena knew very clearly in her heart, Dan was the one and only one for her. She pulled her hand away jerkily, and shook her head at Nate.

"Nate. Can you respect me, at the very least? I can't be anything other than a friend to you. Not just now, but forever." She held out her hand with the ring clearly on her fourth finger, and blinked slowly as Nate stared at her in disbelief. "We got engaged before we came back, but I can't tell anyone, not yet. Dan needs to be the one to do it. I hope you will understand, no, I expect you to understand. Friends, and just friends. I'm sorry." She got up from the bench, leaving Nate sitting there alone, as she walked towards the hospital wing where Dan was.

_I thought Nate was coming, to offer an apology of sorts, or rather, talk about our friendship. That was completely out of hand, I could never expect Nate to be doing that._

_Cos all of the stars  
Are fading away  
Just try not to worry  
You'll see them some day  
Take what you need  
And be on your way  
And stop crying your heart out  
_

Serena sat back down on the couch in Dan's room, it felt comforting and warm compared to the sterilized hospital air she was breathing nearly all the time. Looking at the peaceful expression on Dan's face, she wondered, when would it finally be the right time, as he felt it, to wake up. Had it not been long enough already?

Rufus went to the storeroom, suddenly feeling nostalgic for those Brooklyn days that he missed so badly. His guitars were in the storeroom, and as he opened the wardrobe, he recalled the times when he would serenade Allison as well as Dan and Jenny. Picking out his favorite acoustic guitar, a black beauty, and one of his oldest picks, he sat down on the stool in the kitchen, and started to play. A song, one that Dan had loved so much, and just playing it reminded him of the simple past he used to have with his children, when everything they went through felt so trivial compared to what they endured now.

(The ship is going down)  
I put my dance shoes on  
And make the best of what's gone wrong  
Where do I fit in?  
I do believe we've reached the end

_Cause I'm holding your hand and walking you through life, I'm there for every moment afraid that you won't survive, guiding you around the corners and helping you above the skies, because you're my child and I want the best for you. Not just the good, not just the great, but the best that you could ever have. _

Serena was reading an article that she saw in the newspaper, regarding unconsciousness suffered by motoring accident victims, just like Dan. There was a story, of this young man, who had a promising career laid out right in front of him. But all it took, was one moment of carelessness, one moment of drunkenness, and there went his future. He had been in a coma for more than five years, and never showed any sign that he would regain consciousness. Not a single sign. His family had never given up on him, though, his parents refused to even hear anything about pulling the plug and letting him pass, they believed that one day their boy would wake up and walk again.

_Would that happen to you too?_

_We're all of us stars  
We're fading away  
Just try not to worry  
You'll see us some day  
Just take what you need  
And be on your way  
And stop crying your heart out  
_

She couldn't help thinking about it, what if she was in that position herself? What if Dan would never wake up again? What would she do? For the past two months, her entire life had started to revolve entirely around him, and her days were nothing but the hospital, home, and occasionally, lunch or tea with Blair. That was all she was doing, and every single moment, she was unconsciously thinking of Dan, hoping to receive a call from the hospital telling her that Dan had regained his consciousness. But it never did come, did it. Would it ever?

So please don't drag me along  
It's so very wrong  
When I took the time off to see you  
And the days have gone long  
I sing the same song  
And I know I'm just a fool for you

So many instances, where motoring accident victims went into a coma and never woke up, even though there were positive ones too. There was a case, this young girl of twenty, who was in a coma for eight years. She came around, and her memory of the day's events were eerily accurate. But Serena knew that she didn't want to wait eight years for Dan to wake up again, it couldn't be, could it? Of course, there were some who woke up, but had no recollection of the past, and all sorts of negative effects, but she hoped that the best possible scenario would turn out.

_You promised me, Dan. You promised that you would never leave me behind, you promised me that you would be here for me no matter what. Where are you now, Dan? Will you ever come back to me? _

That night, it was terrible weather, a huge storm was brewing, and Serena was sitting in her room quietly, reading something that Dan had written before, a short story that spanned barely ten pages. The thunder roared and lightning flashed across the windows through the curtains, but somehow, Serena was immune to it all.

_Stop Crying Your Heart Out  
Stop Crying Your Heart Out _

"What's that sound…." _Where am I?_

And tell me what you're after if it's not my love  
Where's my explanation gonna come_?  
_

**(A/N: Hey everyone, I know some of you might be wondering why I re-did this, but I realise that this story had jumped way too far forward, and the question mark over Nate had not been completely addressed. I don't think I will be updating as frequently as I did for the previous month for this couple of weeks, cause I have exams coming up and lots of stuff to be done. I have a feeling some of you are Chair fans, and this chapter has been seriously devoid of Chair action. I will consider having more Chair involved in the next chapter, which will have the featuring of Nate more prominently, especially how now I can exploit some of the likely awkwardness between Nate and Serena. They may have a short fling together, depending on your reactions. **_**The Stills **_**is a truly beautiful song, I hope all of you enjoyed the song, go listen to it if you haven't before, I really love that song. **_**Tell Me I'm A Wreck **_**is available on Fearless Records' free Summer Sampler, so if you haven't listened to it, or you love it and want it, it's free. Of course, **_**Stop Crying Your Heart Out **_**is one of Oasis' few ballads, and personally, I really love that song to the death. I totally disagreed with Oasis' disbanding. I hope you enjoyed this, and please review after reading and drop me some comments. Yours, XODS. xoxo) **


	9. Sing To You

**(A/N: I have actually started to type this on 6****th**** July, let's see how long it takes me to get this up. Amazing, it actually took me more than a week! As most of you have probably read from the previous chapter, there's this part I ended with, that is kind of a free-to-think-as-you-like part, and so, I will reveal what really happened. I hope you guys love this chapter, it's a mix of happy and bittersweet really, so I wouldn't say it's dull. Perhaps the Chair action that I promised in the previous chapter won't be quite fulfilled, I realized that this would be quite incomplete otherwise. This chapter, is for Amely's **_**Sing To You**_**, they released this song quite recently actually. I love this song, it has chalked up so many plays on my iTunes already, so support Amely and listen to this song on their MySpace! Enjoy this chapter and review! )**

"Hey, wait up!" Serena was about to close the lift doors, she had just come back to the hospital after lunch with Eric, her mother, and Rufus. She jammed on the 'open' button, and a tall young man with dark blond hair, wearing a Columbia hoodie and carrying a messenger bag, casually slung on his left shoulder, dashed into the lift. "So sorry about that, the 5th floor, thanks." He paused to catch his breath and adjusted his hoodie as Serena laughed.

"Nate? What are you doing here?**" **She was taken by surprise, she wasn't expecting to hear from Nate anytime soon, not after that awkward meeting they had had. They exited the lift together, Nate choosing not to respond to her question. _How do I tell her I can't forget someone I have been loving for so long? I don't wish to be a terrible friend, not when she was engaged to one of his best friends. But I can't fight this feeling anymore. _Serena stopped outside Dan's door, and looked seriously at Nate, her eyes were focused, and she shook her head slightly. "Nate, I made my point very clear that day, didn't I." She opened the door, and reiterated her statement. "I love Dan, and I'm not ever going to leave him, even if he never wakes up again, I will only love him."

_Do you ever feel like you're dying?_  
_Got the same dream on repeat_  
_It's like a song you can't rewind, _  
_And though you try it only makes you see_

"Serena. Where are you, can you turn on the lights? It's so dark in here." Dan murmured, he was leaning against two pillows on the bed, and he looked lost.

"Dan? Dan, when did you…" Serena was in tears, she couldn't believe it. Her prayers had come true, Dan had woken up from his coma. But, why did he say it was dark? Nate didn't come into the room, and when she glanced out of the window, he was gone. Had he decided that he would respect her decision? Whatever it was, Dan was the priority now. She rushed to his side, and held his hand gently. "Serena, why is it so dark? What happened? Where am I?" Dan sounded like a little kid, he sounded so afraid, she feared the worst but hoped that it was nothing but a false alarm. _Please, don't take Dan away from me like this, don't take him away from me when he has just come back. I can't do without him._

_These are the chords that you have chosen  
This is your favorite melody  
And even though you're all alone  
I've got a way of changing everything  
_

"Doctor, here he is." Nate ushered a doctor into Dan's room, and did a quick check, as a tearful Serena watched on in tears, leaning on Nate for support. Moments later, she found herself walking into the office of Dan's doctor, an experienced Dr. Warrens. The doctor gave her a curt smile, as she took a seat. Dr Warrens had a serious expression at all times, and as she flipped through papers that looked like Dan's medical report, a rather comprehensive report, she narrowed her eyes.

"Ms Van der Woodsen, I'm afraid, Mr Humphrey's case is more complicated than we had anticipated. Apparently, there is a blood clot that has formed in his brain within the past two weeks, and it is affecting his eyesight, which is causing the blindness. We cannot confirm if it will be temporary or permanent, but the blood clot seems to have been easing quite a bit, and it shouldn't be a major problem. However, we will need to conduct an operation in order to be certain of what should be the next cause of action. For that, we will need Mr Humphrey's consent, which I hope you can inform him of."

_Dan needs an operation?_

_So go it alone or stand by your side  
At least you can say I've tried  
To throw it all away or keep you locked inside  
_

Nodding her head, slightly hesitant, Serena exited the doctor's office, and stepped into the corridor, exhausted. Nate was standing outside, slightly jumpy. "What did the doctor say? Dan's gonna be fine, right?"

Completely ignoring Nate's questions, Serena just stared ahead of him and spoke slowly, her voice entirely devoid of emotion. "Just leave me alone, Nate. I need some quiet time with Dan. This isn't a good time to talk."

She tried to smile, as she walked into Dan's room, trying to kid herself into thinking that Dan was fine, he would be fine. But just looking at the confusion all over his face, creased in worry, that empty feeling that she had hardly ever seen in his eyes, her heart broke. _I'd rather see you unconscious, unable to respond to me, than like this. Why, Father, why do you do this to us? _He must have heard her come in, for a small smile brightened his face up a little, and he tried to feel for her, pulling himself up with the railings on either side of his bed.

"So what did the doctor say? I will recover my sight, won't I?" Dan's face looked so hopeful, but Serena didn't know what to say. Would it be better to tell him the truth and prepare him for the worst, or to lie to him and make him happy? Honesty was brutal, she realized how true that was. She didn't want to lie to Dan and give him false hopes, from what the doctor said, they weren't sure either. Hesitating, she held his hand tightly, and patted it lightly, before choosing her words very carefully, not wanting to hurt him. "Dan, the doctor says, that you'll need an operation, they'll, need to do some follow ups."

_When you're standing in the rain_  
_And you see me standing by you_  
_When nothing goes your way_  
_You feel me right behind you_  
_I will take away your pain_  
_You know I'll make it better when I_  
_Sing to you_

Dan leaned back into the pillows, thinking. "It isn't good, then. It's alright, I'll recover my sight soon, I'm sure of it. For you, because I don't want to walk down that aisle without seeing how beautiful my bride is." He kissed her softly, absorbing her sadness with a passion so strong it burned through her, his hands so familiar, cradling her head and pulling her in towards him gently. Tears started to stream down her cheeks, she felt so helpless, there was nothing she could do for him, and he ended up comforting her, this wasn't how it should be.

"Hey, don't cry. Why are you crying? Have a little faith in me at least, Serena. I promise you that I will recover my sight soon. Don't cry. Reserve those tears for the joy in our lives." Dan hugged her tightly, engulfing her in warmth that made her smile again, she couldn't help the happiness that ran through her, simply because Dan was there to tell her everything she needed to hear. _I don't know what will happen, and I don't dare to tell you, this is too hard. Just be okay, please? _

That night, as Serena slept peacefully on the couch, Dan sat up on his bed, thinking. _What did the doctor say to Serena, to the extent that she was at a loss for words? Why did she cry, didn't I tell her that I would definitely be fine? Is she not telling me something that she knows will upset me? Is my condition worse than what Serena has been saying? How bad is it really?_

_You say your heart don't beat without me  
Am I making sense to you?  
I wish I could, you know I would,  
But it's a major minor kind of tune  
_

A few days later, Dan was scheduled to have an operation to remove the blood clot in his brain. Serena lingered by his side till he was about to enter the operating theatre, unwillingly to let go. "Serena, don't cry. I can't see your tears, but I can hear the sobs. Don't cry, I will come out perfectly fine like before, I promise you. Be patient, and when I come out I'll be as good as new." He patted her clammy hand lightly, and could still muster the courage to smile. "Promise me? I love you, Dan. I can't do without you." Serena wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and held his hands tightly, kissing them softly.

"I promise. Wait for me, darling. I love you." The nurses wheeled Dan into the operating theatre, as Rufus put a firm hand on Serena's shoulder. She sat down next to him and Lily, and Eric, Chuck, Blair and Nate were sitting on chairs opposite them.

"Don't worry, Serena. My son's a brave guy, he'll be fine." Rufus tried to assure her, knowing that she was gripped with worry and was afraid that something would go wrong. He looked at the sad look that was in her eyes, and knew that no matter he said, it wouldn't make much of a difference, should anything go wrong, she would be completely shattered. _All that I can do now is to pray for divine intervention. Son, you have to be fine. What would we all do, without you?_

_So listen to me I'm gonna make you proud  
Keep your high from ever touching ground  
I'll be your strength when you are feeling down  
_

"Serena, calm down. Dan's going to be fine, he'll be perfectly okay when he comes out, we all have faith. Smile." Blair gave Serena a hug, and gave her a wide smile, trying her hardest to cheer Serena up.

"I'm scared, Blair. I'm scared that Dan, something wrong will happen, and I don't know what will the operation result in. What if he never gets better? What if, the operation only makes it worse? I don't think I could deal with that, Blair, I can't." Serena buried her head into Blair's shoulder, trying to kid herself into thinking that the darkness would take all the unhappiness that she felt away. But she knew, that it didn't work. It wasn't meant to.

"Chuck, I need to talk to you." Nate stood up, and he kept his voice low, as he looked intently at Chuck. He looked so serious, and his back was arched straight. Chuck glanced over to Blair, still drawn into a hug by Serena, and she smiled, as he stood up as well. Nate shuffled towards the stairwell, and they both stood in silence. Nate suddenly turned around, and his clear blue eyes were glazed over. "I still love Serena. I can't just stand by like this, I love her. I don't want her to go through all this. She doesn't deserve to, Chuck." Chuck crinkled his eyebrows, this was getting complicated. He held Nate firmly by the shoulders, and shook him hard. "You've got to get that out of your mind, Nate. Serena is engaged, to Dan. If you didn't know that before, now you do. You can't come between them, they deserve nothing but happiness now. Dan's your friend, Serena's engaged to him, and that's flat. There's nothing you can and should do about it."

Chuck let go, and Nate leaned against the wall, breathing hard. _So Chuck, you don't understand me either. i thought perhaps you would be the one person that would understand what I'm going through, I can't help this. All I want is for someone to understand, but is it that difficult to? Do I really have to pretend that I don't love Serena and be happy that she's engaged to one of my best friends?_

_Girl this is the reason  
And even though I'm leaving  
I won't ever be too far  
Turn on the radio  
You'll hear in stereo  
You will always be my star  
_

"What did Nate want?" Blair took a bite of her sandwich, not that it was all that tasty, but because she was starving, it was long past lunchtime, but Dan was still in the operating theatre. and Serena refused to budge from her seat, so they had to take turns to grab some food. Chuck and Eric sat opposite her, they were at the cafe in the hospital, and they all had club sandwiches, it was the only thing that seemed remotely appetising. Chuck stole a look at Eric, who shrugged and smiled, hinting that he wanted to hear more. "Nate still likes Serena. Well, in actual fact, he said love, but you know Nate." Chuck slowly put down his knife and fork, clearly disgusted by Nate's audacity to claim that he loved Serena, when she was already engaged to Dan. As a friend, that was something that he couldn't and shouldn't be doing.

"Doesn't Nate know that Serena's engaged to Dan?" Blair was confused, she didn't quite get, how Nate could still love Serena? It didn't make sense, he had been totally indifferent to her going overseas then, it couldn't be that absence really made his heart grow fonder, could it? Eric frowned, and looked to be in deep thought, as he fiddled with his fork, prodding his sandwich without cutting it. _Nate still loves her? If he did, he wouldn't have just let her go like that. Gosh, what on earth is going on?_

_When you're standing in the rain  
And you see me standing by you  
When nothing goes your way  
You feel me right behind you  
I will take away your pain  
You know I'll make it better when I  
Sing to you  
_

Eric pushed his plate aside, and glanced at his watch tentatively. "I think we should go upstairs, it's been more than 3 hours, Dan's operation should be over soon." He didn't have the appetite to eat, simply thinking about how Dan's operation was going. _Please be fine, Dan, I don't want to see my sister heartbroken all over again. _

The light above the doors went out, and the doors opened slowly. Nurses wheeled Dan towards his ward, and moments later, the doctor emerged. All of them quickly stood up and Rufus asked, "How's my son, doctor?" Worried faces all around, the doctor gave them a reassuring smile, and continued, "Mr Humphrey is fine, we have successfully removed the clotting in his brain, and he should regain consciousness in a couple of hours, once the anesthetic wears off." Rufus patted a relieved Serena on the shoulder, and thanked the doctor, smiling brightly.

Moments later, Dan opened his eyes slowly, Serena was holding his hand. "Gee, it hasn't been this bright for a long time."

**(A/N: I'm sorry that this has taken so long to come up, I was really short of ideas for this chapter, not sure what to write, didn't want it to become too dull and all, but somehow it still seems inadequate. If I do get some fresh ideas, I will take down the chapter and edit it a little, so do drop some comments and stuff! I hope you guys listened to this song, it's really amazing, and I love it! Thanks for reading this chapter once again, and I will try to get the next chapter up in a week or so!)**


	10. Coffee Break

**(A/N: I'm so sorry for the slow updates recently, I may only be able to update once every three weeks for the next two to three months, cause I have finals coming up in late September to early October, and I've currently a few projects on hand as well. I hope you guys have enjoyed the previous chapter, and this chapter will contain lyrics from the song **_**Coffee Break **_**by **_**Forever The Sickest Kids**_**. It's a wonderful song, so I hope you guys will listen to it! I love FTSK, and they are so awesome! I wanted to attempt writing a little more Chair, but failed miserably, it's highly Derena centric still. But then again, they are so awesome, so why not? I'm loving the set pictures that have come out these few days, I sense the coming love sparks from Dan and Serena for Season 4! Hope you like this!)**

"Are you ready to go? Chuck's chauffeur is waiting for us downstairs. It's not me, Rufus and my mum insisted." Serena walked into the room with a huge smile on her face, as Dan stuffed a gray hoodie into the carrier that was on his hospital bed. He touched his black skullcap self-consciously, his head had been shaved when they had to operate, and Rufus had brought him the skullcap to cover the lack of hair and scars. The stubble on his head was awkward to say the least, and the scars were so brutal that Serena's heart ached to see them there. "Yeah, are all the paperwork stuff done? Does my head look weird?" He had his skeptical look, and frowned as Serena laughed and rubbed his head affectionately.

"I thought about that", and she took out a white beanie from her bag, continuing, "and I decided a beanie would look so much better, it looks like you actually mean to wear it." She smiled, and pulled the skullcap off his head, grimacing slightly as the horrific scars stared back at her. Dan noticed her expression, and quickly pulled on the beanie, glancing at his reflection in the mirror, adjusting it so that the shaved parts and the scars were well hidden from view. Winking at Serena, he grabbed the carrier, and put his arm around Serena's shoulders, and they walked out the room, smiles all over their happy faces, it had been so long, they had been waiting for this moment.

_I'm two cups into my coffe break._  
_I'm sitting alone in the café from the way._  
_Reading all by myself_  
_Turning my cell off just to breath_  
_And everyone I know just keeps calling me._  
_And I just need a little time._

Dan and Serena emerged from the hospital's front doors, a gust of fresh wind hit them, and Dan laughed, as he held her tighter. "It's been too long," he muttered, as he pulled down his beanie further. Bryan got out of Chuck's limousine, wearing a heavy parka, and quickly put Dan's carrier in the back before opening the door for them.

"Mr Bass instructed me to drive to Mrs Van der Woodsen's, it's that fine with you both, Mr Humphrey? Ms Van der Woodsen?" Bryan looked at them through the rearview mirror, and bowed his head slightly. Serena glanced at Dan, who shrugged his shoulders, then nodded. "I guess there isn't much we can do about that." She sighed, and pushed a button at the side to raise the privacy partitioning. _I just wish to get back to the loft and relax, I miss the times when we did that. The last time we did that, even. It seems like years has passed since then. _

Dan pulled Serena closer towards him, hugging her, as she snuggled towards him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Why the glum face?" He looked at her, staring out of the tinted windows, a blank expression on her face. She looked into his eyes sadly, and tried to smile, but something was clearly holding her back. "I don't want anything big, Dan. I just want to go back to the loft, just you and me. It's been so long." Dan ran his fingers through her hair, and smiled, "We're going to have plenty of you and me time. Maybe your mum has something to tell us? Or maybe, we have something to tell everyone."

Serena sat up straighter, cocked her head and looked at Dan, her eyes narrowing a little, as he grinned brightly, looking proud of himself. "You're really going to announce it today?" She couldn't help but smile, as he nodded, putting both hands atop his beanie. "I should have made this announcement ages ago. It's only right. But I don't get how none of them have realized. I mean, this is big." Serena leaned on his shoulder, and murmured softly, "Maybe they do know."

_Cause I'm overcommiting myself._  
_I guess this is growing up_  
_I'm sleeping so little these days._  
_I guess this is growing up_  
_I'm feeling things are about to change_  
_I'm guessing this is growin up _  
_Yeah I'm growing up._

Dan's shoulder was so warm, comforting; and he ran his fingers through her hair lightly, deep in thought. Their expressions mirroring each other's, both of them were so exhausted from all the drama that had been snowballing the past few days, and the least that they wanted was more questions. _I can't give Serena the life that Lily wants for her. How do I answer, when she asks what we're gonna do? _Serena suddenly turned to face him, and it was like she had read his mind. "Don't care about what my mum will say. It's my life, and I wanna live it with you, and you only."

Dan looked at her, the indignant expression still fixed, and she shook her head slowly and whispered, "I don't want you to be troubled by the expectations that my mum has and always will have. Being with Rufus has changed her, but there's still something there, that won't change."

He held her hand, and placed it on his chest gingerly, a smile breaking across his face. "I know. Feel my heartbeat. It's so obvious that my heart beats for you. Whatever your mum wants for you, I'll do it. Cause you're worth it. Maybe not immediately, maybe not now. But one day, I'll work hard enough. For now, all I have for you is my heart, myself, and my words." Taking her face in his hands, her smile soft, his kiss on her lips was light, sweet, and everything about him that Serena loved.

"You should really patent that kiss." She giggled, sweeping the strands that had fallen over her eyes to the side.

Dan laughed, and raised his eyebrows, in a way that only he could, the sheer skepticism expressed. "I don't need to. I'm the only one who can kiss that one person like that. It's one of a kind, there's no need for a patent."

The car slowed to a halt, and the privacy screen was wound down, somewhat hesitantly, and Chuck's driver looked at his steering wheel, embarrassed, afraid that he had interrupted something he shouldn't have. "Uh, Ms Van der Woodsen? Mr Humphrey? We're here." Serena burst into peals of laughter, as Bryan scratched his head, still unwillingly to glance into his rearview mirror to find out what was going on behind. "It's alright, Bryan, nothing's going on. Thanks for the ride anyway!" Dan slapped a hand on his shoulder reassuringly and got out of the car. Realizing that he had just made himself look incredibly stupid, the chauffeur hurried out of the driver's seat, and handed Dan's carrier to him.

Bryan tipped an imaginary hat in their direction, giving them a wry smile, as Dan broke into a grin, he never quite understood the need to tip a hat, especially when he wasn't even wearing one, but it was good amusement all the same. Serena looped her arm through his, and leaned on him as they slowly went up the stairs. The hesitance in their steps were mutual, neither of them quite wanted to face their parents, knowing that they needed to inform them of an important event that would take place, and at the same time, knowing that they would be grilled and shot repeatedly.

Dan put his hand around Serena's shoulder and squeezed it lightly, giving her that warm, reassuring smile that made her feel precious, and loved more than any other. "Whatever that's said or done later, it doesn't matter, as long as we're together." He murmured, but the expression that he sported suggested he didn't really think that way.

_And my mom hates my guts._  
_She has every reason to_  
_From all the things I do._  
_And it breaks me just to know_  
_That I have torn her apart so many times._  
_So many times_

The lift doors opened, and they stepped out tentatively, glancing at each other, silently willing each other strength. "Serena, Dan, you're here." Lily sipped her tea, looking as poised and cold as always, Rufus sitting on the adjacent couch, looking a lot more casual in a pair of understated pants and a faded grey shirt. Eric emerged from the kitchen, holding two glasses of drinks, and gave them a friendly 'hello' as he handed the drinks to them.

"Actually, Dad, Lily, Serena and I have something to tell you guys. Something that had we said months ago, nothing like all that would have happened." Dan held Serena's hand tightly, and gave her his twitch of the eyebrow, smiling slightly. Eric looked on encouragingly, knowing exactly what he would be talking about. Lily put down her cup of tea and leaned back, looking relaxed and prepared. His father had a smile, as he had had ever since he emerged from the operation unscathed. Well, largely unscathed, apart from the ugly scars that remained, a battle reminder.

"I proposed to Serena in Austria. And she said yes."

"I've been wearing Dan's ring all along. But no one asked me anything, or even pointed it out, so I didn't say anything. When he was… I didn't know if it was the right time. I didn't know if we would even have a chance."

Dan looked at Serena, and knew she had done so much for him. Over these months, how hellish each day had been for her. Not knowing when he would wake up, not knowing if everything she did was in vain. Not knowing, if he would ever call her name again. And she took it all in her stride, and through all the obstacles that they had to climb through, he realized, it hadn't been so bad for him; he had been riding through it on her back, all the pain that he was supposed to feel, she took it all on his behalf.

"I'm going to marry her, and we may not have the biggest place to live in, but we'll be very happy in the loft. I hope you'll give us your blessings." Dan finished, and hugged Serena tightly, as they awaited the response from their parents, who had maintained a stony silence throughout.

_'Cause I've over committed myself_  
_I guess this is growing up_  
_I'm sleeping so little these days_  
_I guess this is growing up_  
_I'm feeling things are about to change_  
_I'm guessing this is growing up_  
_Yeah, I'm guessing this is growing up_

"We knew about the engagement, right from the start." Lily's expression was even, and she had a small smile, a twitch at the sides of her mouth. Eric was taken by surprise, his mother had not shown any signs of such knowledge, but realized, she was so good at hiding what she thought and felt, it wouldn't have been possible for him to notice, had she even expressed anything physically.

"It's fine if you want to live in the loft, Dan. But Serena isn't used to living in such a, cosy place." She said cosy as if it wasn't a proper word, and her tone hinted to Dan that she didn't quite approve of that decision. "Your father and I had a long discussion about this matter, and it's fine if you love the Brooklyn area, it does have its charms." Rufus tried to hide a grin, but it was too obvious that the rationale behind that wasn't Lily's.

"Mum, I love that loft. It's understated, it's beautiful. We're not moving. It's perfect." Serena was adamant, her expression stony and stern, mirroring that of her mother's. She knew her mother wanted to have the final say on every single thing, but surely, she would at least respect this decision of theirs? She held Dan's hand tightly, and they sat down on the couch, preparing themselves for a lengthy discussion of sorts, as Rufus and Eric remained in neutral, mediating positions.

"You will have to, for a while at least. I bought the unit next to your existing one, and we'll hack down the walls to make the apartment larger. The designing, we'll leave it to you guys to decide, hire a designer, or do it yourself, it doesn't really matter." Lily's tone was firm, closed, and it was clear that she was quite certain of her decision and wasn't going to budge. Folding her arms, she took another sip of her tea as Dan and Serena contemplated what she had said.

_We don't need a larger flat, it's fine just the way it is. Why must Mum interfere in every single thing I do, and stamp her authority over everything? Even this? _Serena was sick and tired of her mother's controlling behavior, it was their flat after all, they had to have some freedom this time. She was going to live with Dan, so why were any further changes even required? She was about to protest, but Dan interrupted her with a wry smile. "That's great, Lily. But I do live in the loft all the time, I've chosen to not live in NYU's student hostel while I await my application results. And Serena needs a place to stay too."

"Of course you'll be staying here son, there's plenty of space! Jenny's not due back from Hudson for a couple of months, Serena can take that room, and there's a room upstairs for you. You can move in anytime you want!" Rufus laughed at Dan's silly comment, as he smiled goofily. Of course there was plenty of space, how on earth could he have forgotten! He struggled to smother a yawn, and realized how tired he was.

"Mum, Rufus, we'll get going. I think Dan needs a lot of rest, he just came from the hospital, and I think he's dying to get back to the loft and breathe in the loft air." Serena said with a forced smile, glancing at a beaming Dan. He nodded, and after a quick goodbye, left the apartment. Serena quickly walked out of the lift, ahead of Dan. Her strides were long and brisk, shoulders squared and her hair flew wildly as the breeze came by. Dan was taken aback by her sudden movement, and quickened his steps to catch up.

_I don't wanna change_  
_I wanna stay_  
_Lying were I lay_  
_Eyes closed set down on the pillow_  
_Better change, before it's too late_  
_I'm guessing this is growing up_

"Serena, hey, slow down!" Dan called after her, not knowing what was wrong. He ran a few strides, and caught her arm lightly. "Baby, what's wrong?" He had that tender frown on his face, one Serena couldn't bear to see, it was the exact frown that he had when he couldn't see, and just seeing it brought back nasty memories she never wanted to have to recall again.

"I don't want to let my mum make all the decisions. It's our life, it's going to be our apartment, so I don't see the point in that." Serena folded her arms, as Dan ushered her to the side of the pavement, out of traffic's way. Her eyebrows were knitted, and the pout she gave displayed all the emotions that Dan needed to see.

"I know. But she just wants you to live somewhere she deems fit for a van der Woodsen. I understand completely, it's the life I can't give you."

"Yet, you mean."

"Perhaps, it's something that your mum wants to do for you, something I don't see a problem with, and we should just accept her offer. Either way, it's bought, and it's a great idea. Apart from the fact that your mum owns it, technically." Dan tried to reason with Serena, he actually fancied the idea of a larger apartment, although he didn't quite like the thought of living in an apartment that Lily had bought, he would much rather have bought it himself, but of course, he didn't have the money to.

_Now I'm done with my coffee break_  
_I turn on my phone now that I've grown up_

_Dan doesn't understand this time, it's a matter of principle. Mum's obviously looking down on our abilities, and thinks that she has to do this? _Serena sighed, and continued walking, at a slower pace. Dan took her hand and held it in between his palms, giving her a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood, but the disappointed gaze that she held in her eyes said it all. The nice October weather was cooling, not too chilly normally, but she had on just a light jacket that did little to keep her warm, but Dan's reassuring hands sent a soothing tingle all over.

Perhaps, she could live with her mum's decision. Dan seemed happy enough, and it was a sort of relief for him that Lily had not confronted him for not being able to fulfill certain 'criteria' for her daughter's hand in marriage. Instead, she had decided to buy them the apartment next to their existing one. Thinking about it, her mother had changed considerably. Rufus had made her happier, more honest, and somehow, more humane. Maybe giving up their love in the past, when she and Dan were younger, less mature, when they weren't quite ready to have a serious relationship like this, was a good decision. Rufus and Lily were more deserving of a chance then. After all, true love knew no bounds, and nothing would or could stop them either way.

**(A/N: I'm really sorry for taking this long to update, it's been nearly a month, goodness. I tried to write this a few times, but was so busy, and had no ideas, school has really drained me completely. As I mentioned, I'll probably be taking a longer time to update for these couple of months, but after that, I promise I'll update REALLY QUICKLY. Perhaps the good old days of a chapter a day might come back, who knows? FTSK is a truly awesome band, Coffee Break is one of the most played songs on my iTunes, and I love how it goes. Thanks for reading this, and I hope it was up to your expectations! Do drop me a review or a comment, much appreciated! xoxo )**


	11. Something More

**(A/N: It's been around a week since the last chapter went up, and I decided it was time to start working on this chapter, since my productivity has gone down considerably since June. It's the 11****th**** chapter, this one, and it's becoming the longest fic that I have ever written, which is good, since I usually have my plots run out by the 8****th**** chapter or something. The song for this chapter will be **_**Secondhand Serenade's Something More**_**, it's from the latest album, **_**Hear Me Now**_**, and I love this song, it's the most played song on my Tumblr, actually. In this chapter, it starts off with a little Chair, which hopefully is some good news to those Chair fans who are reading this, I apologise if the development of their relationship isn't like what you want, but I hope you enjoy it either way. Yes, Nate will be back pretty soon, I'm deciding what role he's gonna take in this fic, so just wait a couple of chapters, I guess? Thanks, and do comment on this chapter!)**

"Is Blair awake? Don't wake her up if she isn't, I can wait." Chuck's low, distinct voice could be heard, he was downstairs talking to Dorota, and she could just barely make out a jumble of words in Dorota's Polish accent. After a moment's silence, she heard faint footsteps coming in her direction. Smiling, she pulled down the covers slightly, and leaned against the headrest. Sure enough, Chuck pushed the doors open gently, and came in with a bouquet of peonies, wearing a sharp but slightly casual suit, and his tie was a gentle lavender. He had a little smirk on his face, and Blair took the bouquet in her hands, taking a tentative sniff. Light, but beautiful.

"That's what you're wearing later? It's a formal event, Chuck. It's the auction of the year. Everyone's gonna be there. You can't get away from wearing a tux." Chuck laughed, the serious expression on Blair's face was stern, and she seemed genuinely convinced that he was going to wear this everyday suit to an auction. It was bordering on obsessive, in fact.

"I haven't exactly chosen. I thought I'll accompany you to pick up your gown afterwards before I picked out mine, and if I can't find one, I've got all the assistants on standby. All ready to run the errands." Leaning over, he kissed her lightly, then removed his suit jacket, moving closer, as she let herself be absorbed in his touch, for a few seconds. Those few seconds felt like heaven, and she felt awful, as she pulled away slightly.

"What's the matter?" Chuck straightened his shirt and pulled on his suit jacket, while Blair got out of bed quickly.

"It's nearly nine. We need to be there at six. I still need to pick up my gown, get ready, and everything. There isn't enough time, I'm sorry Chuck." She gave him a quick kiss, and ushered him out of the room, smiling sheepishly. "Give me twenty minutes, I'll be right down."

_I lie awake again, my bodies feeling paralysed_  
_I can't remember when_  
_I didn't live through this disguise_  
_The words you said to me_  
_They couldn't set me free_

"Are you sure you really want me to be there tonight? It's a big event, Nate." A small lady, her frame was slight, and her flowing auburn locks flew wildly as the gusty wind blew by. Under the morning sun, her pale skin was glowing, but the high school kid that was eavesdropping on that mysterious girl's conversation with Nate had no clue who she was. Snapping a quick picture, she fired it off to Gossip Girl, hoping that she would be to identify the person in question. Who was she? Why was Nathaniel Archibald asking her to a major event on the Upper East Side?

"That's a beautiful dress. You've got everything else you need?" A smile lit up Chuck's face as Blair stepped out of the dressing room in a elegant black number, it was wonderfully cut, with a slim, hugging shape. She didn't need to say anything in response. Her smile, the light in her eyes, said it all. It was the auction of the year, it would be a bang for sure. As she changed out of the gown, Chuck was doing a mental recollection of the tuxes he had, trying to think of one that would complement Blair's gown perfectly, after all, she was to be his star.

_I'm stuck here in this life i didn't ask for_  
_There must be something more,_  
_Do we know what we're fighting for?_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_And all these masks we wore_  
_We never knew what we had in store_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_Breathe in breathe out_

"Serena, darling. You two are going to attend the auction tonight, yes?" Lily walked into the dining room, everyone was having a Humphrey special. Dan had squeezed some fresh orange juice, and Rufus' waffles smelt fantastic, as always. Serena stole a quick glance at Dan, who was fidgeting nervously, she knew he hated such events, he disliked having to pretend to be interested in random dull conversations, she knew he hated the fake smiles that everyone had plastered on.

"Mum, we haven't exactly decided if we're going, I mean, it's…"

"We're going." Dan interrupted, a forced smile coming across his face, as Rufus looked on in surprise. _Dan's actually willing to go to the auction? Hadn't he been reluctant to the idea just yesterday? _Eric and Serena exchanged hesitant looks, they both knew that Dan only agreed because Lily had brought it up, there was no way he really wanted to go. Lily beamed, she was completely oblivious to Dan's pretence, and she narrowed her eyes slightly at Serena. "Better get going quickly if you need to pick up the gown."

"Dan, why did you agree? I thought you didn't want to go." Serena ran a comb through her hair and quickly applied some lip gloss, they had to pick up her gown and his tux as well, there wasn't much time left for them to prepare. Dan slipped into his cream loafers, shrugging. "Your mum wants us to be there. Everyone's going to be there. It's alright, I think I can handle the auction just fine. It's not a dance." He wiggled his eyebrows knowingly, and Serena laughed, his eyebrows did the most amusing things ever. _I hope it'll be fine, what if everyone starts bombarding him with questions?_

_The storm is rolling in  
The thunders loud it hurts my ears_

__

Im paying for my sins  
And its gunna rain for years and years

_I fooled everyone and now what will i become?  
I have to start this over  
I have to start this over  
_

Eric switched on his computer, and it stirred into life quickly. Jenny had replied his email rather quickly this time. Ever since she had left for Hudson, they had maintained email correspondence, and she seemed pretty happy there. 'I assume senior year's a breeze then, but so, seen anyone special lately? Plenty of understated hotties here.' Her replies were short and sweet, but they always made him think more than he wanted to. He had seen someone at a cafe recently, but he had only walked past him twice, and he certainly seemed straight. Sure, he dressed well, a little too well, with the delicate scarves a little odd, but surely, he couldn't be?

He paused for a moment, considering his words. 'It's alright. There's an auction tonight, and Dan's actually going, surprising, isn't it? Well, there is one guy I've seen around, but I'm pretty sure he's straight, so that's about it. Either way, aren't you supposed to be focusing on your academics at Hudson?' He quickly typed out a reply, and sent it back. Glancing at the clock on the table, he realised, he had barely two hours before they had to leave the apartment, and powered down his laptop.

"It's been awhile since we attended such an event as a family." Lily was wearing a simple gown in a dark violet shade, her hair done up in an elegant bun, her hand atop Rufus'. He looked nothing like the former indie musician he was, with a closely-shaved stubble adorning his chin, in a sharp suit and understated formal shoes. Eric had certainly toned down a little on the formal emphasis, he was in a well-tailored grey suit, with a black skinny tie and a tight-fitting white shirt that showed off his lean frame, and his hair was mussed in a light, groomed fashion.

"That must be the reason why we're running late. Eric, where's Dan and Serena? They were supposed to be waiting for us a good ten minutes ago." Rufus leaned back into the seat of the limousine, glancing at his watch. Traffic in New York was absolute hell in the evenings, and there was no way they wanted to be stuck in a jam and be late.

"Oh, there they are! Wow." Eric looked towards their apartment building, Dan and Serena were walking quickly in their direction, slightly sheepish grins on their faces. Dan had opted for a dark tuxedo, it was slim fitting and fit his frame perfectly, with slight lifts to ensure Serena wouldn't be towering over him in her heels. Her dress was a gorgeous indigo piece, modest at the front, but the back dipped to the waist, and the necklace she wore was beautiful, it was a heirloom from CeCe, but Serena carried it off like no other. Her hair had been let loose and blown out, her golden-blonde tresses were shiny, and she looked absolutely radiant and happy.

**(Much apologies for the rambling, got a little carried away)**

Their chauffeur quickly opened the door for them, and Serena stepped in carefully, afraid of creasing the dress. "I'm so sorry, Mum, Kevin was late, and I couldn't do anything else if my hair wasn't done, so we kind of ran over." Serena apologised, and bit her lip tentatively.

"I was nearly expecting you two to bail at the last minute."

"Mr Bass, we'll be arriving in ten," Bryan glanced into the rearview mirror, and Chuck responded with a curt nod. Blair briefly touched up her makeup and smiled. She loved events like this, it was where she had the opportunity to build up her profile, and the Columbia board would be there, she was hoping to make a good impression on them, hopefully it would land her a spot among Columbia's elite.

The limousine stopped outside the lobby, and Bryan positioned himself next to the door, awaiting Chuck's cue. He adjusted his tie slightly, then gave Blair a quick look-over, before nodding slightly. Bryan was able to see his cue through the heavily-tinted windows, just barely. The door was swung open, and Chuck stepped out confidently. His self-assurance was bordering on arrogance, his expression kept perfectly neutral, and he turned back to help Blair out of the limousine. Some reporters were there, snapping pictures, and they obliged for one, but declined any interview of sorts.

"Well, it's certainly well-organised." Blair took a quick scan of the place, there were some great art pieces that adorned the walls.

_I'm stuck here in this life i didn't ask for_  
_There must be something more,_  
_Do we know what we're fighting for?_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_And all these masks we wore_  
_We never knew what we had in store_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_Breathe in breathe out_

"Mr Humphrey! Can we take a family shot?" One reporter approached Rufus with his camera, and without waiting for a response, started snapping away. After five or so shots, Rufus raised his hand, his expression grew hard, and the reporter backed away cautiously, checking the pictures. Eric smothered a laugh, it was amusing how Rufus could do that when he wanted, but he never did unless he had to.

Serena slipped her arm through Dan's, and whispered, "I'm so sorry, I'll have to do some introductions. You don't mind, do you? I promise we'll go off early." Dan grinned, the uncertainty on her face was adorable, and shook his head slightly. "Oh, silly, of course not. Wait, isn't that Blair? With the secretary of the Columbia alumni board? Wow, she's really laying the foundations, isn't she." Serena broke into a smile, it was typical of Blair. Then again, Columbia students were usually those with old-money backgrounds, connections, political power or all three. Blair wanted a headstart, and it was no wonder that she jumped at every opportunity she had.

A girl, dressed in a simple but well-made yellow gown, smiled at the couple, and walked towards them with a grace that hinted that she had attended similar grooming courses like Serena. Serena nudged Dan forward, and embraced the girl with a formal hug. "Anna, meet Daniel Humphrey, my fiance." Dan flinched at the use of his full name, and he realised, that was the extent of the formality here. These people were probably the extremely wealthy and powerful, like Bart Bass had been. "Dan, meet Anna Evans, she's the granddaughter of one of CeCe's cousins." Dan shook her hand, and was surprised to be greeted with a firm handshake, and studied Anna carefully. She wasn't gorgeous like Serena, but her eyes had a firm gaze in them, one that was a clear sign of a businesswoman.

As they walked towards the drinks table, Dan lowered his voice into a murmur, "That Anna Evans person, what does she do?"

"She works in finance, that's all I know, but she's well known in the industry for being terribly ruthless. I'm sorry I had to say Daniel, but you know."

Rufus and Lily walked past acquaintances, friends, and stopped time and again to exchange polite greetings, it was getting dull so early in the evening. Eric went over to the drinks table, where Dan and Serena were, holding glasses of champagne. They scanned the crowd, softly introducing Dan to many of the wealthy and influential who had decided to attend the event. All of a sudden, they heard some whispering, and turned their heads towards the door to find out who was the one that had attracted so much attention.

_I fooled everyone and now what will i become?_  
_I have to start this over_  
_I have to start this over_

_There must be something more,_  
_Do we know what we're fighting for?_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_Breathe in breathe out_

Nathaniel Archibald. He was dressed in a tuxedo, stunning as always, but it was his companion that surprised many. A slightly-built girl, in a strapless pale silver bronze gown, with auburn curls falling past her shoulders and hiding the small of her back. Her features were gentle, and next to Nate, they looked every bit the perfect couple. "Serena, any idea who's that?" Dan was surprised, Nate hadn't mentioned that he would be attending as well. Thinking about it, he had barely been in contact with Nate since he left the hospital.

"No, I've never even seen her before." She quickly looked for Blair, and found her with Chuck, standing by an artpiece, studying Nate and his date intently. Nate walked towards them, a smile on his face, and his mysterious companion had her arm through his.

_And all these masks we wore_  
_We never knew what we had in store_

_Breathe in breathe out_  
_There must be something more_  
_Breathe in breathe out_  
_There must be something more _

"Hey, everyone. Meet my date, Olivia Lawrence."

**(A/N: HA. Yes, a slight cliffhanger, mainly because I haven't updated in ages, and I don't think I'm gonna get much inspiration for awhile. Don't you think it's a good idea? Anyway, you can come up with a reason why Olivia Lawrence is with Nate. Any crazy idea is welcomed. I haven't even decided who she is and what role she'll take on, actually. So yes, thanks for reading, and do review! :D)**


	12. For The First Time

**(A/N: I'm going to be on a five-week hiatus or so for a while, my major exams are coming, and I don't think I'd be able to write anything, so I thought I would just do one last update before that. My friend gave me a great idea for Olivia Lawrence, so I thought, hey, let's use it. In addition, Gossip Girl is starting tomorrow, I really can't wait! The song for this chapter is **_**For The First Time**_**, by **_**The Script**_**! I love The Script, they're one of my favourite bands, and they've just released their album, _Science & Faith_, do check it out if you have the chance to. I spent around a week or so writing this chapter, so, I hope you guys like what I've written, and do leave me some reviews!)**

Everyone looked at Olivia, she didn't look familiar, there was no way she could be from New York. Blair eyed her, sceptical, who was this girl? She hated it when someone unfamiliar turned up without warning, like Dan had in the past, but this girl had an air of arrogance about her that Humphrey never did. Serena and Dan exchanged surprised glances, it was clear that they had no idea who Nate's companion was. Eric had a neutral expression, he didn't really care who Nate had brought to the auction, but Blair had the strongest reaction of all.

"Nathaniel, surely, you could do a better introduction than that." Chuck intoned, his eyes were steely, his dealings in Bass Industries had trained him to not show his feelings through his eyes, and he looked disinterested. Nate, despite Chuck's cold tone, remained smiling, and showed little hesitation in his face. There were some advantages in being a little slow at times.

Laughing, he held Olivia's hand, looking at his friends evenly. "Olivia's from LA, she just transferred to Columbia, she's going to be studying here for her second half of her year. Transfer student. She's doing fashion design, so I was thinking about introducing her to Eleanor, is she here?" He looked at Blair expectantly, his dazzling smile on show. Blair sighed inwardly, but nodded. "Of course. I'll introduce her. Come on, Olivia, I think Eleanor's speaking to some people that way."

_She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart_  
_While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar_  
_And we don't know how we got into this mad situation_  
_Only doing things out of frustration_

"Blair looks awfully pissed." Dan chuckled softly as he and Serena moved towards the auction area. She nudged him playfully, it was very obvious that Blair didn't want to introduce Olivia to Eleanor, but Nate looked so hopeful, and as friends, she couldn't just turn him down like that.

Blair was slightly taller than the petite Olivia, who seemed like an okay character, unfortunately, she was awfully chatty and her slightly high-pitched voice got annoying. Her over-enthusiasm was uncalled for, and although she tried to be accommodating, it was getting increasingly difficult. The girl was an obvious admirer of Eleanor, and the sucking up was more than she wanted to hear. "I can't believe Eleanor Waldorf is your mum! Wearing her newest designs must be fantastic! I practically worshipped her when I was studying modern in high school! Even though she isn't so well known in LA as here, she's still fantastic!" Blair tried her best to play along, smiling sweetly, even putting a good word for her in front of Eleanor before leaving her to deal with Olivia alone.

"Gosh, that girl is unbelievable! She talks non-stop, it's getting to my ears. How does Nate put up with such an airhead?" Blair complained, as she slid into the seat between Serena and Chuck. He kept his gaze straight, looking at the host, but a smirk betrayed his attempt at keeping his expression neutral.

"You do know that our friend Nathaniel Archibald isn't the brightest spark around."

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_  
_She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time_  
_I've got a new job now in the umemploymentline_  
_And we don't know we got into this mess it's a gods test_  
_Someone help us cause we're doing our best_

Like most days after an event, the streets were quiet, and even the roads were pretty much devoid of cars for once. Dan and Serena, dressed down, her in a light sundress, and him in a casual plain button-down and light bermudas; were strolling along the pavements, enjoyed the rare silence. "NYU begins its second term next week." Dan sighed, he knew he had a lot to catch up on at school, having missed the entire first term, and second year was always a crucial one in university. At the same time, this was the most relaxed that he had been in a long while, and the thought of being apart from Serena during the weeks just made him dread going back even more.

Serena looked at him, he had that sad look in his eyes, and she knew she hadn't quite considered what she was going to do. There were many options, definitely, but there wasn't anything that was crying out for her to take up. "I know, but NYU's close by, you won't be staying in the hostel right?" She squeezed his hand tightly, trying to put away some of the awkwardness that was sparking.

"I'm not that worried about that.. Dad and Lily's place is a little far from NYU, especially if I'm late or anything. I'll probably have to stay in the hostel until the renovations for the loft's done. But what will you do?" He murmured softly, looking her gently in the eye, it was a complicated question to answer, Brown had actually sent her two letters, offering her a place, but she had declined their offer. She wasn't sure she really wanted to go to Brown, when she left Constance, it had seemed really important that she studied at an Ivy League, and Brown was the choice, but now, getting a top class education seemed little more than trouble.

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_  
_But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_  
_Sit up talking up all night_  
_Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_  
_We're smiling but we're close to tears_  
_Even after all these years_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time_

"I don't know. I turned down Brown, it's not where I really want to be, not at this point in time." Serena was finally able to get rid of the knot in her throat, she could at last let it out. Lily would be furious if she knew, she had used connections to get Serena a place, and if she found out, she would definitely blow her top. But Dan's face was a mixture of surprise, disbelief and disappointment, he thought she would want to at least complete her education. Turn down Brown? Few even managed to get a look into Brown, much less dare to turn down an offer. If Serena wasn't intending to pursue an education, what would she do? True, Chuck had opted to go straight into the business, but he had little choice then - there was simply no one capable and trustworthy enough for him to let them take over Bass Industries, even if it was only temporarily.

Like she'd read his mind, Serena interrupted his thoughts. "Mum and Eric suggested I take a course in film journalism **(fake, I have no idea if it exists, but whatever, I need something to go in!) **, the film industry was interesting when I was working with that publicist, and it wouldn't be a difficult course to get into." She found herself becoming defensive, as if she was trying to convince herself too that it would be a wise choice. Serena bit her lip unconsciously, studying Dan's expression changing. The last thing she wanted was her fiance's disapproval, and it was difficult to read his face. He looked thoughtful, but his eyes, usually the telltales, were glazing over in an unpredictable manner.

_She's in line at the door with her head held high_  
_While I just lost my job but didn't lose my fight_  
_But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts_  
_When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt_

"NYU has a couple of students in that course, it would be amazing if you could study there…"he trailed off, his eyes shining. Serena heaved an inward sigh of relief, he clearly loved the thought of them both studying in NYU, he only had a year and a half left officially, but probably would want to extend for another half a term to fully cover what he had missed, and film journalism was a typically short two year course. It would be perfect, they couldn't have asked for much more.

"That's it then, I'll send in my portfolio tomorrow, they'll have little reason to reject me. You're going tomorrow to sort out some stuff right? I'll go with you." She smiled, and they both knew that Constance, despite some of her undesired blips in her sophomore year, had given her a glittering resume, perhaps because they wanted and needed to uphold their reputation. Throw in a couple of extra credit assignments that she had done senior year, and she had a perfect high school record.

Nate awoke to the sounds of rushing water coming from the bathroom, and realised that he had spent the night with Olivia. It was his suite, and their clothes were strewn all over. He had a terrible headache, it must have been the vodka they had downed late last night, it was amazing how she had shaken off all that alcohol and woken up so early. He hadn't really considered a relationship with Olivia. She was beautiful, sweet, but not that far. Cursing to himself, he wrapped a bathrobe around himself, it was the only thing hanging in the wardrobe nearest to the bed, and padded to the bathroom in warm fuzzy slippers.

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_  
_But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_  
_Sit up talking up all night_  
_Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_  
_We're smiling but we're close to tears_  
_Even after all these years_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time_

At that moment, Olivia stepped out, wearing a pair of short shorts and a light tee, towelling her hair dry. An awkward smile was exchanged, as Nate was caught for words. Deciding that he should freshen up first, he quickly washed up, hoping that Olivia wouldn't just leave without a word.

"Nate. Last night.." Olivia started, somewhat hesitantly.

"I guess neither of us expected that huh. I'm cool, I mean, if you're offended by it, I'm sorry, we both had a lot to drink, I'm still a little hungover from that vodka, actually." Recalling how they had downed bottle after bottle, it was astounding that she had managed to wake up clear-headed, she must have drunk as much as him, or if not, more.

Olivia glanced at him, in a slightly dismissive manner. She gave him a curt smile, "I'll be seeing you around, then." She phrased it as a statement, and the frozen look in her eyes were uninviting, Nate, in his hungover state, could come up with nothing but a smile and nod. She picked up her purse, and before she left, spun around, her glossy hair tossing neatly over her shoulder. "Could you have someone send my dress over afterwards?" She flashed a grin, and Nate moved forward. He kissed her cheek lightly, and in the manner he knew no girl could resist, "Of course, I'll see you on Columbia campus next week then?"

_Drinking old cheap bottles of wine_  
_Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_  
_We're smiling but we're close to tears_  
_Even after all these years_  
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_  
_For the first time_  
_For the first time_  
_Oh, for the first time_  
_Yeah, for the first time_

Olivia let out a soft laugh, then looked him with mock seriousness. "You mean you're not going to ask me out before next week?" With that, she turned on her heel and sauntered towards the lift lobby. Nate let the door shut itself, he was so out of it that he couldn't hardly think straight. Olivia was occupying a suite a floor up, but he wasn't quite sure what room. His mind flashed to the time they met, the first time, they were at the front desk, she was checking in, he couldn't remember the number that the receptionist had muttered. She was beautiful, and he couldn't help being drawn towards her, she had this undeniable charm about her. She didn't deserve to be a one-night affair and just friends. It was meant to be more.

Chuck had asked to talk in the study, which was unusual, normally they just talked in the living area or her room, so she expected this to be serious. She pushed open the heavy doors, and Chuck was already waiting. "Blair, I have something to show you. Some things, actually." Chuck took out his sleek MacBook and a thin black folder from his bag, powering on the machine, and flipped open the folder before handing it to her. "I had people run up some checks on Olivia Lawrence." That sentence alone piqued her interest. She had seen Chuck on the phone a couple of times, speaking secretively, but she hadn't expected Chuck to check up on Olivia.

Olivia was actually from Texas, but moved to Los Angeles three years ago. She had certainly concealed her Texan accent well, it was practically impossible to discern. According to the folder of information, she had two siblings living in Texas, but there was no mention of her parents at all. Orphan, perhaps? There was no record of her attending any high school in LA, but in fact, there was paperwork noting that she had worked as an intern at a couple of high street labels. A rather impressive resume, considering her qualifications. Flipping further, she looked at a few photographs of Olivia, and they looked nothing like the Olivia Lawrence she was introduced to. Some of them were obviously from a few years back, she probably had braces down, and something done on her chin and nose. She wasn't a natural auburn girl, but had dark brown curls, they didn't look too charming, definitely. Those sparkling green eyes she dazzled Nate with, were fake too, she had ordinary brown ones, colour contacts perhaps.

"Why would someone go to such extents to conceal who she was? She looked plain, but there wasn't a need for an extreme makeover, was there? Contacts, dyed hair, faked history, surgery?" Blair looked at Chuck quizzically, and he smirked. "Exactly. I have some of her medical records here, but it's only the recent ones, unfortunately. She's not even Olivia Lawrence." He turned the computer to face her, and scrolled through the page quickly, before opening a second document, a pdf file of her birth certificate. "Ashley Hallinan?" Why did that last name seem so oddly familiar?

Chuck recognised that confused look that came over her, and sat down on the chair, crossing his left leg over his right, an old habit he couldn't shake off. "Georgina has an uncle that has the last name, Hallinan. Remember that weird uncle of hers, Luke Hallinan?"

"Olivia Lawrence is Georgina Sparks' cousin?" Blair's tone was incredulous, this was getting so twisted, and somehow, it made sense. Georgina had a feud with them, and targetting the least suspecting of all, Nate, well, Serena would have been an easy target if not for Dan; was exactly what Georgina Sparks would do.

"I'm not entirely sure, though. Her records don't show any trace of Luke Hallinan, then again, her life is a lie. I'll get people to check up further, if they can. It's just a guess though, but Hallinan isn't exactly a very common surname, I'm quite sure I can get some results by the end of the week. Whatever it is, this Olivia Lawrence person has a seriously fishy background." He shut his laptop screen and tucked everything back into the bag, then gave her a reassuring smile. "Forget that for now, I'll follow up. Just wait for my news. Dinner?"

_Oh these times are hard_  
_Yeah they're making us crazy_  
_Don't give up on me baby_  
_Oh these times are hard_  
_Yeah they're making us crazy_  
_Don't give up on me baby_

"Lily, have you seen my notebook?" Rufus called from the study, he had been looking for it for a couple of days now, but with the auction and everything, it sort of slipped his mind. He went into their bedroom, about to start his second round of hounding.

Lily opened a drawer in the dresser, and took out a thick, spiral notebook. "This one?" It was Rufus' lyric book, it contained some of his best work, before, during and after Lincoln Hawk, but lately, more of his memories and thoughts. He heaved a sigh of relief, it was so important to him, even though it was old, worn out and a little scrubby, he refused to change to a new one. It had become a little less of a lyric book really, and more of a recount of his life.

"Rufus, Serena called. She's finally decided to study, thank goodness. But, she's applying to NYU." Lily intoned, her eyebrows creasing slightly as she spoke.

"That's great, isn't it? Why do you look so stressed? Come on, Lil, they're going to be married eventually, maybe even soon, more time together on campus isn't going to be distracting them that much more. Even if they're not studying together, they'll still be spending time together." Rufus laughed, Lily was worrying too much. Serena might have a playful streak, but being with Dan had mellowed her quite a bit, he was very focused when his writing was concerned, and it would definitely rub off on Serena, he was sure of it.

"Rufus, you're looking at it too simply. Dan and Serena getting married, it's not just a walking down the aisle and everybody's happy kind of thing. People won't look at them and think, oh, what a happy and loving couple. People will see them as step siblings who tied the knot. They share a brother, and it's blood ties there. Nothing can change or hide those facts. It's incest." **(I'm just repeating the stupid Serenaters argument about why Dan and Serena are not possible. No worries, I won't let it stay like this!) **

"Lily, that's ridiculous. People don't know about Scott. In the eyes of the public, and to themselves, they're in love, and that's all that really matters. Dan loves Serena, he knows of all these obstacles. Because of us, because of all these possibilities, he tried to back away once, they both did. But this time, when he went to Austria to find her, he was very sure of what he wanted, and my son's a good kid, I know he would have given all these a lot of consideration before doing it. If he believes that whatever people might say or think is not important, then it's negligible. If all they want is to be together, we can't and shouldn't stand in their way." Rufus knew how much Serena meant to Dan, he wasn't the same when they decided to go their separate ways, and he wanted nothing more but for Dan to be happy.

"Dan may be mature enough, but I know Serena very well. She's always making rash decisions, and she is never sure of what she wants. She's not ready to make this kind of huge decisions, Rufus." Lily was slightly taken aback by Rufus' words, she hadn't expected him to feel so strongly about Dan and Serena being together.

"If Serena hadn't felt the same way, she wouldn't have waited for him when he was unconscious, she wouldn't have sat there in that same seat, every single day. She wouldn't have cared so much about him and pestered the doctors if she didn't love him and want to be with him. Lil, you've got to let go of that prejudice, they're obviously very much in love, and I don't want to get in their way like how, Cece, had for us." A sad look came over his face, as the harsh memories of the past came to mind. Being told that she didn't love him anymore, it was heartbreak like no other, and he would do anything to spare Dan and Serena of such agony. Denying them love, would be akin to taking a pound of their flesh.

_Oh these times are hard_  
_Yeah they're making us crazy_  
_Don't give up on me baby_

"Thanks for believing in us, Dad."

_Oh these times are hard_  
_Yeah they're making us crazy_  
_Don't give up on me baby_

**(A/N: Well, I finally completed it, and I was trying very hard to end this chapter on a happy note, since you guys probably won't be seeing anything from me for at least 5 weeks, but then, I will only start writing the next chapter then, so it could be anything from 5 to 8 weeks. I hope this chapter was satisfactory, I tried to touch on every character as much as I could, particularly enjoyed writing the part between Rufus and Lily, that was really fun, it's almost like debating with others, hope you guys liked that. I was actually intending to write a little on Eric and Jenny, but I had no inspiration for that, so I'll definitely try to do something on them when I'm back from my hiatus. Meanwhile, if you have any ideas for Eric's storyline, do drop me a PM or a review, and I'll try to incorporate your idea if I can! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and do review! )**


	13. Celebrity Status

**(A/N: I ended the previous chapter on a really nice note, and I was thinking, how could I make this story one that would make people keep coming back and reading it, reviewing it and everything. So perhaps, let's have a little Chuck and Blair. In the show, I love it when they scheme, so surprise surprise, let's have them crack down further on Olivia Lawrence. Nate's going to be playing a larger role in this, and I'll involve Eric too. I know it's actually Erik in the books, but I didn't read them, so I'll stick with Eric. Perhaps, I'll bring in a little bit of Jenny, if I can, but it'll start off with more Dan and Serena, I've got to sew up the previous chapter a little. Song in this chapter is **_**Marianas Trench's Celebrity Status. **_**Alright, that's how I've got it planned for the moment, so do read and review, thank you!)**

"Dan. Serena. Why are you two here?" Lily kept her expression neutral, composing herself as if that heated debate between her and Rufus had never taken place. They exchanged slightly hesitant glances, before Serena returned her eye contact. "I applied for NYU. Film journalism, though I'll be taking extra courses for English literature as well." Dan had his hand on the small on her back, it felt so reassuring just to have his gentle touch placed upon her. It made her feel as if whatever she chose or did was right. Without him, she felt so unsure of herself, and having him by her side, confirming her thoughts, making her feel so perfect, it was a completely different feeling that she had never had with any other guy. But then again, Dan wasn't just any other guy, he was the guy. A guy that understood everything she was going through, and even if he didn't, supported her decisions. Even when he told her that she wasn't on the right path, it didn't feel like he was correcting her or putting her off, but it just felt, alright.

Lily frowned, disapprovingly, but Rufus's tight lips broke into a warm smile. "That's wonderful, Dan, aren't you the student mentor for literature?" A slightly cheeky smirk came in, and Dan laughed sheepishly, ruffling his hair unconsciously. "Well, yes, but they said Serena had to take the courses, and I don't know for sure that I'll be her student mentor, it's not normally assigned, but we never know and everything, nothing is certain until we begin classes next week." He realised he was rambling, and stopped himself in time, with a small grin. He couldn't help stealing a glance in Lily's direction, hoping that she would approve, she had remained tight-lipped throughout their conversation.

"Thank goodness you've finally decided to go back to school, Serena, even if it's not for the reason I hoped it would be." Lily input sharply, looking at Serena with a slightly dismissive look. She glanced at Dan in turn, and to his surprise, smiled warmly. "Daniel, I know you're a brilliant literary student, do make sure Serena meets the standards, do not humour her. It's an order." Dan straightened up at the use of Daniel, it was odd, hearing it being used, even under such informal circumstances, but then again, Lily had a penchant for formality, no matter how odd it seemed. He laughed softly, as Serena nudged him lightly, and nodded. "Definitely. She'll be the best student in the class."

_I look around, round, round_  
_Look around and look it over_  
_I take it up, up take it out and take you nowhere_  
_Trading in who I've been for shiny celebrity skin_  
_I like to push it and push it until my luck is over_

"Eric, hey, what are you doing?" Dan knocked lightly on Eric's door, and found it unlocked and opened it with a push. Eric was possibly the neatest guy he knew, his room was impeccably tidy, his desk was clean apart from a couple of thick volumes, stacked on top of each other, and a small box of stationery. A small black calendar was pinned squarely on his cork board, some dates neatly marked out with thin black script. Eric was at his computer on a side table facing the windows, the day curtains were drawn but the heavy ones were left tied to the sides. He had earbuds in, and seemed to be in a video call, totally absorbed. All of a sudden, he plucked them out of his ears, and turned around. "Dan! What perfect timing, I'm on Skype with Jenny, you wanna talk to her?" He pulled out the cable that connected his earpiece, and left the room for them to talk in private.

As he walked out of his room, he couldn't help but notice the excited expression on Dan's face, they must have not contacted each other much for some time now. Jenny's school term had started much earlier than theirs, and she had to go back before Dan had been discharged. Eric pulled the doors closed, smiling to himself.

As always, Jenny's probing questions, teasing at times, had invoked new thoughts into him. She seemed happy enough in Hudson, the people there were "less scrutinising" as compared to Upper East Siders, and it was a welcome relief to be free from Gossip Girl's prying eyes. Perhaps the more relaxed atmosphere there had helped her to settle much more quickly, and she looked a lot fresher than she had been before she left New York. Then again, it had been a torrid time, quarrels and misunderstandings aplenty. Jenny had asked again about the guy he had seen at the cafe. He did see him nearly every day, the guy always went there for coffee in the afternoons, as Eric himself did. Perhaps Jenny was right. It was probably time that he stopped admiring him from afar, and actually talked to him.

_It never stop stops, never stops well you better_  
_Think it over prima donna you don't want to sever_  
_All the work to impress, charming girls out of their dresses_  
_And smiling pretty, well pretty will shallow you forever_

Dan walked out of Eric's room, a bright smile on his face, "Jenny said she had tons of homework to complete, she's probably going to call tonight or something. Oh, and she had an odd message to pass to you. 'Just do it'? She said you'll understand." His eyebrows raised in a quizzical manner, and shrugged it off. "Anyway, Serena and I have to do some major packing, NYU starts in a couple of days, and Dad says we've got to box up whatever we're not taking with us to the hostel and bring it here. Renovations will be starting at the loft pretty soon. I'll see you tomorrow at Eleanor's, she's hosting a dinner?"

"I believe so, Mum and Rufus must have mentioned it this morning. Good luck with Serena's packing, though!" He laughed as Dan grimaced at the thought, Serena had brought a lot of her belongings over to the loft, and it couldn't be easy to pack it all in a couple of days. Ducking back into his room, he took a quick glance at the clock, it was nearly three, he didn't have that much time left after all. Picking a crisp white button-down and dark grey bermudas, he slipped into a pair of loafers that were in a corner of his wardrobe. Most tended to overdress when wanting to impress, but the last thing Eric wanted was for the guy to realise immediately that he was gay, even though he expected that there was a likelihood he would suss it out, it wasn't the best kind of impression he could make. He took a cue from Nate's casual dressing, hoping that he would just blend into the crowd and look 'normal'.

_Step on, step two, step three repeat_  
_I pray at the church of asses in the seats_  
_And I disappear behind the beat_

The cafe was a couple of blocks away, and he gave the lady at the counter a smile as she pointed to a cup of coffee and the freshly baked muffins that another helper was bringing out of the kitchen. He always ordered coffee and a muffin, partly out of habit rather than preference. He immediately spotted the guy sitting alone at the counter, drinking coffee and flipping through a binder. He always seemed a little overdressed for coffee, usually opting for tailored pants and long-sleeved shirts, but today he wore a pair of dark wash jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, but looked a lot more casual with the cardigan he had donned over it. Eric bit his lip nervously, but mustered up his courage and made his way to the counter, trying to look as casual as he could and took a seat.

"Hi there. I'm Eric, I see you're a frequent patron here of late?" Eric knew he must have sounded quite abrupt, but he couldn't quite take back his words now. Offering a hand and a smile, he couldn't help noticing that the binder had the St. Jude's coat of arms on the front. He didn't recall ever seeing him around school, surely if he had, he would have recognised him. St. Jude's wasn't a large school, and especially since Eric had a habit of sitting in a corner and observing people, it couldn't be that he had missed this guy. He had a twinkle in his eyes as he grinned and shook Eric's hand firmly. "Nice to meet you. I'm Gerard." He had a slightly distinguishable Spanish accent, nowhere near that of the Spanish teacher at St. Jude, Mr Avas', but noticeable all the same. Interesting.

"You're a student at St. Jude's? I'm going to be a senior this year, but I don't think I've ever seen you around." Eric sensed friendliness in Gerard's body language, palms turned outwards, and decided to get to know more. "Oh, my dad's from Spain, I've got American citizenship and spent most of my life in Madrid, but I attended middle school in California a few years back. I'm completing my last year in high school here though, I just transferred to St. Jude's. Perhaps you could show me around St Jude's, this binder is supposed to be informative, but it's mostly historical stuff I don't really want to sieve through."

"I'd be glad to, it'll have to be before school starts though, senior year is usually hectic right from the start, and I doubt the teachers will give you much settling time, very few students come in after junior year. Are you staying in the area?" Gerard drank the last of his dark coffee, and nodded with a thoughtful smile. "My apartment's right down this block. I've actually got something on right now, but it has been nice talking to you." He took a small card from the counter and scribbled down his number and email, handing it to Eric. "Drop me a note or something when you're free to give me the tour then." He grabbed his leather messenger bag off another seat and sauntered out of the cafe, giving Eric the chance to really look at him. Gerard was rather tall, not scrawny but hardly well-built either, his thick black hair was typical of one from Spanish blood, chiselled face structure, deep-set eyes.

That wasn't difficult after all. Gerard seemed like an easy-going person, and dressed well, perhaps, he was slightly attracted to. Eric took a glance at the card, his handwriting wasn't the neatest, but it was a broad guy's scrawl. Tucking it into his wallet, he smiled to himself and turned his attention to the food that was sitting in front of him, the muffin smiling back up to him.

_When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear_  
_I'd never guess how we ever could have got here_  
_You can say what you say when the lights go down_  
_So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth_

"Chuck, you're early. I thought I told you it was at six. It's barely four." Blair looked over to the lift as the doors opened, Chuck walking out of it with a small smirk that he couldn't wipe off. In his hand was a black leather file, and his expression hinted at the need for privacy. "I wanted to get here early, there's some things that were sent over to me this morning by courier." Blair eyed the folder, then smiled as she thought about Olivia Lawrence. Or rather, Ashley Hallinan. "Of course. We'll go to the study. Dorota, could you bring us some drinks?"

"In a minute, Ms Blair." Dorota's reply was prompt, she greeted Chuck with a bright smile, and nodded.

"I had someone go down personally to Texas. Her siblings are older, working there, not much interesting information there. Luke Hallinan and his wife, Emily Reece-Hallinan are currently residing in Los Angeles, they don't seem to be doing much apart from stock-trading. But most importantly, there are formal records that show that Luke Hallinan is Ashley Hallinan's father, and she is related to Georgina. The last I heard of Georgina is that she has left Russia and come back to the States, but I'm not entirely in the know of her whereabouts. I doubt the reason why Ashley Hallinan's here has anything to do with Georgina though. There are some possibilities, but nothing solid as of now. That's about all he could find out in Texas though. The state records there aren't very well-organised, I highly doubt those in charge are stringent, and I won't be surprised if some records are even doctored."

Chuck took a long drink of the bottle of sparkling lemon water, wrinkling his nose at the choice that Dorota had brought up, but his no-nonsense expression was back. Blair looked thoughtful, digesting the information that Chuck had told her. "There isn't much we can do right now?" She didn't want to have to wait till Nate had been dealt a blow before they could take action, knowing Nate, he would be so gullible and unwitting, unable to deal with well-thought tricks.

_I wonder why, why, I wonder why, why I outta_  
_Let you wreck, resurrect whatever you wanna_  
_I can't depend in the end you know I thought you were my friend_  
_Just stop, just stop, just stop, I think I got it_

"That's why I'm going to have a good talk with Nate tonight. He's coming, isn't he. Without Olivia, or Ashley, I hope." Chuck fiddled with his thumbs, leaning back in the chair. "He is, unfortunately. He insisted, saying that Olivia would love to have the chance to speak to Eleanor again, but getting her away shouldn't be much of my problem, if Mother is willing to cooperate. We don't necessarily have to explain why, anyway. What's your guess?" She knew Chuck must have an agenda already, otherwise he wouldn't be so certain as to quiz Nate.

"I suspect that the Archibald family and the Hallinan family have some bad blood. That's about the best bet I've got. The Captain wasn't the most friendly of people, and he had so many enemies, it wouldn't surprise me if one decided to attack Nate out of hatred or something. I don't remember Luke Hallinan being particularly friendly with any of us, he was odd, so there's a possibility there. I just hope Nathaniel isn't completely clueless on that note, I don't wish to have to go further and ask the grandfather. I'm really hoping to avoid that, but I have a feeling Nathaniel doesn't know or care much about the family conflicts. Like that Buckley girl."

"Bree Buckley? Nate has the knack of attracting girls, of all kinds, and you can't really blame him for that." Blair couldn't help letting that sentence slip, she too had once been attracted to Nate, not because of his intelligence and everything, but he was Nate Archibald, he had been the best catch around, financially and appearance-wise. Chuck was a major playboy, she hadn't even considered him, but she knew how, he had changed so much since high school.

"You're thinking about Nate, aren't you." He could read her mind effortlessly, but his tone suggested he didn't think much about it, it was a small statement that probably didn't mean anything. "Don't you have to get ready? You don't have much time. It's half past four." Chuck straightened his tie as he spoke, knowing that Blair needed a lot of time to look "appropriate" for dinners, even if it was just in her own home. Her eyes widened, then gave him an apologetic smile and kiss before rushing out of the study.

_Sorry you, sorry me, sorry every in between_  
_Sorry everybody he will never be somebody clean_  
_There's a piece of me they're throwing back at us_  
_And they will buy you and sell you for celebrity status_

"Serena, baby, we've got to get to Eleanor's in an hour!" Dan called loudly from the storeroom, where he was surrounded by boxes of books, discs and loose papers. He knew he wasn't organised, but he had no idea his storeroom had gotten this messy. How on earth were they supposed to get everything sorted out by the next day? Renovations were so unnecessary. "I'm nearly done here! Could we bring it over to my mum's today?" Serena shouted back from another room, she sounded a lot less frazzled than he was, to his surprise.

Dan carefully stepped over stacks of books and papers, taking note not kick any pile by accident, that was probably the worst thing that could happen to him at this time. He walked into his bedroom, and was taken by surprise. Serena had packed most of her clothes into two huge luggages, and the rest into a box that sat next to the wardrobe. She hadn't brought any books over, and that probably made it a lot easier. "I'm good, huh." Her arms were folded and she had a delighted look on her face. To make matters even more embarrassing for him, she was already dressed to go, apart from the heels. "Wow, how did you do this...I'm still struggling with the storeroom…"

"I'm a girl, honey. It's easy. You aren't intending to bring much clothes to the hostel, right? I'll do that for you tomorrow. Now, go and change, I've put out your clothes for you!" She pushed him teasingly towards the bed, where a blazer, shirt and pants were laid out, and a tie was on his dresser. "You're starting with the overbearing wife thing already?" He laughed, as she smacked him playfully on the shoulder, rushing him. Blair was fussy about punctuality, and would definitely give them an earful if they turned up late. As Dan changed, she opened his wardrobe, making mental notes of what she would pack into the luggages and what would go into the boxes. It shouldn't be too difficult, he normally wore either jeans or bermudas around campus, with the odd exception of pants on special occasions, and his shirts were formal enough for both events, but she needed to bring some casual tees as well.

"Ready to go?" Dan walked into the room, smelling of his aftershave. It had a freshening effect, and Serena loved it whenever he spritzed himself with it. "Hang on, your tie isn't straight." It was, actually, but Serena liked to do his tie for him, and he would have that silly expression on his face, one that combined both confusion and bliss. She deftly untied his tie, and knotted it tightly, before adjusting it, slightly off the top, just the way he liked it. "Looser, baby. I'd expect it to be a little warm later." Eleanor's dinners were usually painfully formal, despite the familiarity of people, but Blair had mentioned that Olivia was coming along with Nate.

_Step on, step two, step three repeat_  
_I pray at the church of asses in the seats_  
_And I disappear behind the beat_  
_When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear_  
_I'd never guess how we ever could have got here_  
_You can say what you say when the lights go down_  
_So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth_

"S, you're nearly late!" Blair hugged Serena as she stepped out of the lift, holding Dan's hand.

"I'm so sorry B, but the traffic was hell, and Dan here was having a lot of problems with his packing." She hugged Blair back, while giving Dan a teasing look.

"So it's your fault then, Humphrey. Oh you two, can't I have some private time with Serena! Eric's at the balcony, Chuck's talking to Nate, and Olivia, she must be quizzing my mum about everything. So, Humphrey?" She looked at him pointedly, and he took the hint, backing away with a smile and a little shake of the head. Typical Blair, but he knew Serena and Blair had been spending very little time together of late, and he knew they would only see each other less once Serena started at NYU and Blair at Columbia. Eric was holding a glass of champagne, standing by the balcony, staring at something he couldn't quite make out from the distance. Taking a glass himself, he walked over, thinking that perhaps Eric could do with someone to talk to.

"What's got you into such a daze?" Dan's mellow voice surprised Eric, he had been staring at the card Gerard had given him, he hadn't been able to come up with the right words to speak to Gerard with. "Dan, you're on time. Well, not much, just, this." He showed the card to Dan, who eyed it carefully, then smiled. "I'm guessing someone gave you their number and you don't know what to do with it? Spill." Dan was cautious to use their instead of his, it was a sensitive topic, and even though Eric had been quite open about it with him, he knew it was better to play safe. _It could well be a her, even. _

"Yeah, someone I've been observing for a while, actually." He paused to take in Dan's expression, he didn't want Dan to think he was completely out of it, he knew it must have sounded weird, that he had been observing Gerard, even though Jenny knew as well. Dan looked neutral, and he went on. "So I spoke to him yesterday, and turns out he's a transfer, he's half Spanish, and he's going to do his senior year at St. Jude's. He even told me he wouldn't mind me showing him around school." Dan breathed out, noting that Eric had a slight hesitation in his voice, perhaps it was because it was such an odd thing to talk about, but judging from what he had said, he must be quite smitten with the Spanish guy. "So he gave you his number and asked you to contact him? Why haven't you? School's starting pretty soon, you don't have much time for a tour."

"It's awkward. I don't know if he's just trying to be friendly and everything, maybe it's because he's a transfer and he isn't familiar, so he's open to me showing him around. It's not what I'm hoping it is. You know what I mean? And I don't know what to say. What if he's straight, and he thinks I'm weird and shuns me? It's not that I like him now, but it would be awkward." Eric looked frustrated, it was clear that this matter had bothered him greatly, and needed some help. He put his glass of champagne on a small table by the side, "I think we need to go somewhere quieter after dinner. It's kind of open here." He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself back down, the last thing he wanted was for everyone to start asking him what was wrong.

"Of course. We could ask Blair whether we can talk in a room, the study perhaps. I think dinner's starting. Come on. Relax, it'll be fine." Dan put his arm around Eric's shoulders, squeezing his right arm reassuringly. He had grown to treat Eric like his own brother, he knew that Eric and Jenny had formed a firm friendship ever since his father and Lily had gotten together, and Jenny's sudden absence must have affected him too. Whatever it was, he had to do something to help Eric. Even if it was awkward.

_When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear_  
_I'd never guess how we ever could have got here_  
_You can say what you say when the lights go down_  
_So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth_

"Nathaniel, got a moment to spare? I need to talk to you." Chuck tapped his friend on the shoulder, holding him back. Nate looked at Olivia with an apologetic expression, but she shrugged it off with a smile. "It's alright, I wanted to ask Eleanor something anyway!" She winked at him, then sauntered off confidently. Nate turned back and looked at Chuck squarely, there was something odd in his friend's tone, and he didn't quite like it. "What's the matter, Charles?", using Chuck's formal name pointedly.

"Does your family, or the Van der Bilts, for that matter, have any feud of sorts with a Hallinan family?" Chuck opted for the direct approach, knowing that beating about the bush would only cause Nate to be more uncooperative than he already was. His face grew serious, eyes dark. "Hallinan? I don't think my father has anything against a family with that last name. As for grandfather, that I wouldn't know. He has so many grudges, I wouldn't bother to keep track on that. Why?"

Chuck debated telling him the truth, he knew it would make things a lot easier if Nate knew as well, but he didn't quite trust his friend to hold mum and not confront Olivia directly. "Nothing, I was hearing something about people from a Hallinan family having some grudges and wanting to take some sort of revenge against your family. Perhaps the information was wrong."

"I could ask grandfather, or Tripp. He might know. If it is true, then they would have to know, wouldn't they." Nate looked serious, he knew that his grandfather had a knack for offending people, and he wouldn't be surprised if he and this Hallinan family had some long-lasting feud that they had conveniently forgot to mention, amongst the many disputes that had taken place before.

"You should. This Hallinan family hasn't got very clear intentions, but you shouldn't be taking anything for granted. Oh, and one more thing? Keep it a secret. You don't know who might be working for them after all." Chuck patted the shoulder of his friend, then turned around towards the living area, where the rest of the people were gathered, apart from Eric and Dan.

_Look around, round, round_  
_Look around, round, round, look around_  
_Look around, round, round_  
_Look around, round, round, look around_

_Look around, round, round_  
_Look around, round, round, look around_  
_Look around, round, round_  
_Look around, round, round, look around_

_Look around, round, round_  
_Look around, round, round, look around_

_I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying_  
_I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying_  
_I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying_  
_I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying_

"Well, this certainly feels a lot more private than the balcony." Eric pushed the heavy doors of the study open, taking in the bookshelves and the slightly musty smell. Dan walked in behind him and settled into a leather armchair, while Eric took to the swivel chair by the desk. "I thought about it over dinner. I should call Gerard and ask to meet him tomorrow to give him the tour. Whether he is inclined towards guys or not, I guess it doesn't really matter, for now at least." Eric sighed outwardly, and looked towards Dan for comments.

Dan nodded approvingly, then put a sheet of notepaper and a pencil in front of Eric. "Write what you want to say to Gerard over the phone, it'll make things a lot smoother. Why wait till tomorrow?" He patted Eric's shoulder, then left him alone to make the call. He didn't need to stay any longer, Eric had sorted out his thoughts, and he knew Eric would do the right thing.

_When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear_  
_I'd never guess how we ever could have got here_  
_You can say what you say when the lights go down_  
_So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth_

**(A/N: This has been a monster to write. I actually like writing Eric's storyline, even though it's a little awkward, but I hope you guys liked it! It's been a joy writing this, sometimes when I really didn't want to study. Coming back to which, I know I said I wouldn't post till my exams were over, but I got distracted and starting writing, so I decided to post once it was completed! I love this song, Marianas Trench is one of my favorite bands, and do check them out AFTER you review, thank you!)**

_When the mirrors and the lights and the smoke clear_  
_I'd never guess how we ever could have got here_  
_You can say what you say when the lights go down_  
_So shake, shake, shake and shut your mouth_

_I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying_


	14. Remember The First Day Part 1

**(A/N: It's been hard to write this, I've been struggling to come up with good points to pen down. I've written a few opening paragraphs over and over, editing the storylines so many times, but I've not been satisfied. That's probably the main reason why it's taken me more than a month to update. Hope you guys are satisfied with this way though, I'm going to split this chapter into 3 parts, the time frame for all three parts are similar, since everyone starts school on the same day. This first part is Chuck, Blair and Nate's side. Hope you guys enjoy, the song is Promise Of Redemption's Remember The First Day!)**

"Chuck, you're early." Blair sauntered down the steps, her slinky nightgown still wrapped around herself, her hair was barely brushed. It wasn't for an hour before he was supposed to come over and pick her up to go to campus. Glancing at Dorota, who shrugged and set the table with a fine array of breakfast foods, she sat down at the table, as Chuck took off his work blazer and slung it over his arm carefully.

"Yeah, I actually have some things to share with you." He paused, giving Dorota a slightly apologetic look, knowing that Dorota wouldn't leak anything, but needed the privacy to talk either way. Dorota smiled kindly, and took the hint, going into the kitchen. "About Olivia Lawrence. Nathaniel's grandfather has left half his estate to him, and the Hallinans had some bad business dealings with the Van der Bilt family in the past, and Ashley's the main heir of the family, which is probably the reason why she's getting close to Nathaniel. She's going to be around on campus, so you will really need to make sure that they don't get too close. If he falls for her tricks, he's a goner." Chuck's expression was stony and serious, the people who had done the research for him had clearly delivered more news than that.

"That's all?" Blair narrowed her eyes, after being together for so long, she could read Chuck like a book, and knew if it was just that, he wouldn't have that dreadful grave look on his face.

"She might go as far as killing." Chuck muttered under his breath, he hadn't intended for Blair to know that part as well, but it was nearly impossible to keep anything from her.

"It's that deep a feud? Have you spoken to Nate?" Blair was shocked, she wasn't expecting a family feud to be that serious, she had expected revenge at the most, but murder, that was completely not what she had expected.

"Unfortunately, no. He's becoming so distant, and even if I tell him, I'm not entirely sure he'll believe me, he'll probably confront Ashley, or Olivia, directly, and everything will be wrecked. The only way is to keep an eye on him, and make sure they don't get too close, but I'll try to talk some sense into Nathaniel." Chuck sighed, he felt so helpless, his best friend's life was possibly in danger, but there was so little that he could do.

_Well I remember the first day_  
_It was so close to the end of May_  
_It's when I finally opened my eyes_  
_I saw the sun for the first time_  
_Oh and it lied in the form of a beautiful girl_  
_Who would take me on the ride of my life_  
_And it's just something that I've been dying to know_

"Nate, got a moment to spare?" Blair lengthened her strides to walk in step with Nate, who carried a pile of books in his lean, muscular arms.

He paused, looking dashing as ever, and smiled that smile that so many girls on campus had started to talk about. "Of course. It's been a long time."

Blair couldn't help but blush a little in embarrassment, it had been a long time since they had been able to speak to each other under normal circumstances, with everything that everyone had been going through recently. "I was thinking we should do dinner tonight. You, me, Chuck? Dan and Serena probably will have a lot of things to settle, it being her first day at college."

A warm grin spread across his face, and he nodded, "Definitely. Text me the place later? I've got a class in… ten minutes. See you tonight then!" Waving goodbye, he clutched the books tighter and sprinted up the steps ahead, a few groups of freshmen staring adoringly at Columbia's star lacrosse player. Blair shook her head, it was typical of Nate, he would always be the guy that girls would notice, and guys would envy.

She took out her phone, and fired off a short text to Chuck. "Fixed up a dinner date with Nate, 3 of us. Book a table around 7." Feeling slightly relieved that she had prevented Nate from having a romantic dinner with Ashley, she stood up straighter, everything about her screaming confidence, from the rolled-back shoulders to the heel-to-toe model walk to the steely look she held in her eyes. It was her first day at Columbia after all, and she had a few teachers to impress.

"Nathaniel, it's good to see you. How's the new year started?" Chuck gave Nate a light embrace, feeling the hardened biceps, obviously from the extra lacrosse practice.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Lessons are pretty much about there, but lacrosse, yeah."

Blair knew it was the best time for the two of them to bond a little, ever since that incident when Nate had tried to hit on Serena while Dan was in a coma, even though Chuck hadn't confronted him, she knew there was some tension there.

"Nathaniel seems pretty okay. He didn't mention Ashley at all, did he?" Chuck sighed, rubbing his temples vigorously as he leaned back into the backseat of the limo.

"I don't think they're that close. You know Nate, ever the gentleman. Perhaps things between them aren't that complicated."

"I don't know, I don't like how that Ashley girl talked to him at the ball, and she's not a simple person. You'll have to keep an eye on her, I'm afraid." Chuck kissed her deeply, taking in the scent of her delicate perfume, his hand running gently on her back.

"I love you, Blair."

**(A/N: Part 1's complete! Moving on to Part 2, Eric! I know this had a lot of dialogue, but I'm not too good at writing Chuck and Blair, sorry!)**


	15. Remember The First Day Part 2

**(A/N: Hope you guys liked Part 1, this is Part 2, it's Eric, starting senior year. I'll write some of this from first-person points of view, in italics, so hope it isn't too confusing to understand, I know I'm incredibly bad at writing first-person.)**

_How did the summer pass this quickly? I don't feel prepared to start senior year, especially with Gerard coming in. He seems so mysterious sometimes, it's so difficult to tell if he's gay or not, it would be so awkward if he found out, and turns out that he's straight. If only Jenny was here right now. _

Eric quickly buttoned up the pale yellow uniform of St. Jude's, deftly knotting the tie and adjusting it so that it was comfortable, but looked presentable enough. Slipping into a pair of broken-in lace-ups, he knew it looked a little geeky, but he didn't really need to bother about all that, as long as they were good to walk in, he was good to go.

"Eric, darling, how are you feeling today? Excited about senior year?" Lily ruffled her son's hair lovingly, as he squirmed from her reach. He had used a little product in his hair that morning, hoping that it wouldn't look so messy after walking in the streets, it had been quite windy in recent weeks.

Eric quickly downed the mug of coffee and the cheese sandwich that sat in front of him, noticing that he was running late. "I've got to go, Mom. Bye, Rufus! I'll see you guys later." Grabbing his backpack, he rushed out of the apartment.

_What am I supposed to say to Gerard when I meet him? That day was just incredible, we should hang out again? He'll definitely think I'm weird then._

_Well where did you go?  
Cause I've been waiting here so long  
You know that I've been reading your notes  
They always hinted towards the fact that you were coming home  
And as I struggle with this reality  
That this is all that's left of me  
Half of my heart, my mind, and my body are gone  
_

"Hey, Eric!" Eric turned around at the familiar call of his name, surely, it couldn't be such a coincidence? It was Gerard.

"Gerard, hey. You're taking the bus too?" Eric gave him a friendly nod, noticing that they were wearing the same soft lace-ups, and he couldn't help but note that Gerard had done his tie up tightly, and the fitted uniform made him look a little bigger than he was.

"Yeah, you too? You know, I was thinking, you could go over with me some of the stuff you guys did last year?" Gerard had a sparkle in his eyes, and for a moment there, Eric just hoped, _maybe my first instincts weren't wrong after all_.

That night, Eric sat in his room quietly, all the lights turned off apart from the bedside lamp. The curtains were left parted, he looked into the distance, the sky was dark that night. Fiddling with his thumbs, a flashback of the day came into his mind.

Gerard's perfectly arched back as he walked down the corridors, his bag casually slung over one shoulder, holding a couple of books in the other arm. Sophomores and juniors stopped to gawk at the 'hot transfer student', and even some seniors had paused to talk to him, flirt a little, even.

Gerard's eyes sparkling as they spoke, the brushes of contact as they walked from the bus stop to school together.

The light embrace they shared just before they went to class, was it a friendly gesture, or was it something more?

The enthusiastic wave that Gerard gave him at lunch, they way they were able to talk like they had been friends forever.

He even had the exact same pair of lace-ups.

_What if Gerard is like me after all? Does he feel the same way? Is it wrong of me to want to always be by his side? I can't always be 'showing him around', that excuse won't work after a couple of weeks. When he asked to help him with his work, catch up on subjects, was that just a innocent plea for help, could it be that he wants to spend more time together? _

Shaking his head, Eric knew the last thought was far-fetched, but he couldn't help himself. He had fallen for Gerard, hard, and there wasn't much he could do about it.

_I know I'm different. Gerard's just a new kid around, the whole school would give him grief if he turned out to be openly gay. Even if the most popular kids at school declared that they were gay, they would be dumped at the bottom of the social hierarchy straightaway. I can't do this to him. _

**(A/N: If you watch Glee, you'll probably notice that I sort of borrowed ideas. The part about not wanting to do that to Gerard, it's a lot like Kurt and Sam, even though Sam's probably not gay. I'm not saying that Gerard's definitely gay though. I hope you guys liked this? I'll take a little longer to upload the 3****rd**** part, it's Dan and Serena.)**


	16. Remember The First Day Part 3

**(A/N: I know Part 1 and 2 felt a little disjointed, sorry for that. I'm still trying to get the hang of writing in that style, so forgive me for those mistakes. Part 3 should be a little better, I guess? Enjoy, and don't forget to review! I'm still kind of stuck for ideas for the next chapter..)**

Serena glanced at her reflection in the mirror, pouting a little as Dan caught her gaze. He lay on her bed, keeping his shoes off the standard white bedspread that the super single beds came with, she hadn't had the time to change those hideous sheets yet. "How should I dress? 'A good impression' is kind of vague, you know. It's easy for you, a button down, jeans and loafers, and you're done." She turned around, sighing, the plain white walls did nothing for her mood. _I have to do something to this room soon, it's way too depressing to spend so much time in. _

"Think.. a Dan Humphrey date. That should be fine." Dan chuckled, his sharp incisors making his grin even cheekier. To be honest, she wouldn't look casual no matter what she wore. It was the confidence she had in her stride that made everyone around her a little starstruck, and he knew firsthand that she would always be stunning even in a too-large shirt and non-existent shorts.

"We have literature at eleven, and we could go for lunch after that. On campus though, we don't have enough time to go out. Sound good?" Dan held their schedules side by side, comparing their classes. Serena twirled a lock of her hair round her pinky, nodding, looking slightly distracted as other students walked past them in the corridor.

"Darling, you alright?" Dan saw the blank look in her eyes, the confidence she always had at Constance was sorely missing.

"I'm fine.. it's just that it's a brand new start, and I just don't feel ready." Serena mumbled, leaning against Dan's muscular frame.

_Well where did you go?_  
_Cause I've been waiting here so long_  
_You know that I've been reading your notes_  
_They always hinted to the fact that you were coming home_  
_And as I struggle with this reality_  
_That this is all that's left of me _  
_Half of my heart, my mind, and my body are gone _

Dan smothered a sigh, smoothing her hair gently, he hadn't realised that Serena would feel this way about starting school again, he thought that she would be looking forward to it. Had he been so wrapped up in his own affairs that he had failed to notice a change in her behaviour? "Don't say that, you'll be fine. Your lecturers will love you, your classmates will help you, everything will turn out okay. Come on, I'll walk you to class. We still have literature together, remember?" He put his arm around her protectively, taking her thin binder and tucking it under his free arm.

Serena tried to give Dan a reassuring smile, knowing he was trying to make her feel better, but there was this awful sinking feeling in her stomach, and she couldn't force the sides of her lips upwards. Dan stopped outside double doors, glancing at the board that read 'Viewing Theatre 3', and grinned. "Guess you have an easy first class. Come on, give me a smile?" He gave a bright smile, widening his mouth till she could see the strain in his cheeks.

A giggle escaped her clammed-up throat, and she leaned towards him. "You're gonna get really bad jaw cramps if you hold that any longer! You're the best, baby." Dan glanced around the corridors, making sure that no lecturers were in sight, before placing his lips gently atop hers. She let him take control, letting his tongue venture slowly, it was so familiar, it felt so right melting against his gentle touch. Suddenly, he broke away, looking slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry, I don't want to let the lecturers find out, it's not going to look good on either of us.." "I know. You're going to be late yourself!" She planted one last kiss on his cheek, before he walked in the other direction, glancing momentarily at his watch. Serena blew him a kiss, her eyes sparkling, feeling a lot better after that beautiful kiss.

_So let's go back down to the bank of that river where_  
_We can dive right in_  
_And forget about the worries from the world outside_  
_Cause you know my world, my world's not over_  
_Because I have an angel on my shoulder_

Dan walked out of the classroom alone, he was the only student in the class, as it was to make up for the term he had missed. He looked at his watch, and he had 15 minutes to find Serena and get to class, and her lecture theatre was in another wing of the school.

"Welcome back, Dan. You didn't miss too much last term, nothing a couple of afternoons won't fix." Dr Peralta was Dan's favorite lecturer, he had a friendly twinkle-eyed look, and was always willing to answer queries. Dan stopped at the door, taking in a quick look of the class. All the students that he recognised were on the side nearer to the window, while the unfamiliar faces took another side. He moved to his familiar seat right by the window, he was the only one that sat in that row.

"As you should already know, every one of you will have a mentor in this class, it's up to you to pick, and I won't be doing much today, just the texts." A few of the new students immediately stood up, and looked like they were scanning the room for who looked like the best mentor, while others just tried their luck randomly. Serena immediately took the seat behind Dan, and he turned his chair around, beaming.

_So where did you go? Cause I've been waiting here so long_  
_You know that I've been reading your notes_  
_They always hinted towards the fact that you were coming home_  
_And as I struggle with this reality_  
_That this is all that's left of me _  
_Half of my heart, my mind and my body are gone _

Dan and Serena walked out of the classroom, shoulders grazing as they both turned back to face each other at the exact same time, mirroring each other's attempt to smother a laugh. "Tonight, I'll pick you up at your room? Six-thirty?" Dan looked at her, his half-smile trying not spread too far. "Six-thirty."

**(A/N: I decided to end it here! I've got some ideas going for the next chapter, but I don't mind some people giving me their thoughts, so yes, review!)**


	17. Forward & Backward

**(A/N: It's been a couple of days since I updated, and I figured it was about time to start working a little harder, after all, it's the holidays for me right now, and I'm waiting for Glee to download! This will be the last chapter that you'll see Ashley Hallinan being involved in. Hope you guys enjoy!)**

Chuck pulled on his suit jacket, buttoning it carefully, checking his hair in mirror. Wearing a stern black suit with a dark grey tie, the monochrome in his outfit reflected the perfect serious expression he wanted. Glancing at Blair, looking elegant and beautiful as always in a modest dress, he couldn't help but let out a satisfied smile. "You look beautiful. Ready to go?" Rufus and Lily had decided to hold a little gathering at their apartment, since Jenny was back from Hudson for the rest of the school year.

"Ashley Hallinan's going to be Nate's date there, you do know right?" Blair checked her hair one last time, before turning away from the mirror.

"I know. There's something I've got to do later." A dark look passed over his eyes, a familiar gaze that Blair recognised, though she wished that she didn't. The thought that Chuck had a plan, or even a scheme in mind, that he would carry out at Lily's wasn't a pretty one.

"Tell me it isn't bad?" Blair looked at Chuck, showing the nervous side that few ever saw.

"It'll be fine, after all this is over. At least Nate seemed like he was slightly convinced after that night, and I've been talking to him, he finally seems to be seeing sense." Chuck smiled, "Come on, the driver's waiting."

"Do we really have to go? It's perfect here, we've all day to ourselves for once, we could just stay home... bake cookies?" Serena pouted as she snuggled into Dan's shoulder, warming up to his body, peppering his chest and neck with kisses. Dan sighed, wanting to relent, but he knew if they bailed, Lily wouldn't be pleased. The loft had been completed rather quickly, and it still had the new wood smell. With the extra apartment space, there was now 5 bedrooms, 2 of which were still completely empty and undecorated. Their bedroom was joined to his study, separated only by the garage door that Dan had insisted on keeping. With the increased space, they had a proper kitchen, and a bar top for breakfast and drinks.

"I don't really want to go either, but you know your mum. I guess we could tell Dad we're packing, he'll understand. You'll handle your mum and Blair though." Dan breathed in her scent, the faint perfume lingering on her tank top.

"Of course. Now, what should you get for being such a good boy?"

"Can I choose?"

"Rufus, where's Serena and Dan? They were supposed to be here an hour ago, we can't start serving the food before they arrive." Lily held Rufus' arm, speaking in hushed tones as their guests socialised in the living room.

"Didn't I ask Eric to pass a message? Dan says they can't come over, they're still unpacking their things. I'm not surprised, Dan's hardly the quickest or neatest of people." Rufus held the small of Lily's back, smiling as he murmured.

"Jenny, meet Gerard, he's a new transfer in at St. Jude's, he's going to be doing his senior here. Gerard, my stepsister Jenny, she's at Constance too, she just got back from Hudson." Eric shyly tucked his hands in his pockets as he introduced the two. Jenny had been eager to meet Gerard, Eric had said so much about him, and she could tell that he really fancied Gerard. Gerard had happily accepted his invite to the gathering, especially since Eric knew that he didn't have many friends in New York.

"Gerard, hey, nice to finally meet you, Eric's not exactly the most sociable of people, so I was pretty surprised to hear that he had taken a transfer under his wing. How are you finding St. Jude?" Jenny had toned down on the eye make-up ever since she had left for Hudson, and there was a change in her overall appearance as well, she seemed a lot more like the Brooklyn Jenny he had met under the pretence of being Serena's personal shopper.

"Jenny, is it? Well, Eric's been nothing but fantastic, I'd be totally lost if it wasn't for him. St. Jude's a little overwhelming compared to what I'm used to, but I guess Eric's helping me adjust just fine." Gerard glanced at Eric and smiled goofily, the smile that sent fuzzy signals to Eric's mind, he couldn't help but want to smile too.

Jenny noticed that Gerard and Eric seemed pretty tight, which was unusual, since Eric wasn't exactly the kind of person to warm up quickly to people. Gerard was good-looking, Eric hadn't exaggerated, he had the sexy European look and could be a model if he wanted to.

Nate walked into the apartment with Olivia by his side, she had been delighted to accept his invitation to join him when he mentioned it the day before. It was supposed to be quite a small gathering, but knowing Lily, it would be modest at the very least. Glancing around, he recognised most of the people, apart from a tall European talking with Jenny and Eric. Dan and Serena were notably absent, however. "Nate, this looks a little intimate for someone like me to be around, are you sure it's fine?" Olivia looked slightly nervous, holding his arm lightly.

"Of course, I told Lily and Rufus that you were coming. Come on, I'll bring you to meet them." Nate pulled her gently towards the countertop, where Rufus and Lily were standing.

"Nate just came in with Olivia." Blair murmured under her breath as she and Chuck moved slowly to the soft ballad, clearly a song choice of Lily's. Rufus favoured the indie rock genre, which they tended to play before and after the gatherings.

Chuck looked over her shoulder casually, keeping his gaze soft and neutral as he spied on Nate and Olivia, chatting happily with the hosts. "Seen them."

Nate extended an arm towards Olivia, inviting her to dance, smiling broadly, knowing that grin was hard for any girl to resist. It had been since he was five, and it would probably be that way for a long time.

"Nathaniel, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have to." Chuck's low drawl interrupted their thoughts, and Nate turned around abruptly, looking his best friend in the eye. "Can't it wait?"

"It can't. We need to talk with you and Olivia."

Nate looked confused for a moment **(I was so tempted to put natefused)**, and sent a worried look towards Blair, which she responded with a cool smile and a slight nod. Olivia scanned the surrounding and sighed, following Chuck to a quieter corner.

"Olivia, or rather, Ashley Hallinan, whatever you came here to do, you aren't going to be able to complete it. We know you're Georgina's cousin, and she must have given you some information on Nathaniel, but it's not going to work." Chuck shot her an icy glare, his head angled so that his eyes bored into hers.

"Charles Bass, isn't it. So what if I am Georgina's cousin, and so what if my grandfather hates the van der Bilts. I have nothing to do with whatever feud they had a long time ago. I came to Columbia genuinely for my studies, and I only changed my name so that you people wouldn't pass judgment just for who my name says I am. Either way, I'm leaving Columbia next week, so this should be the last time we're seeing each other. I came with no ill intentions, I didn't even know how Nathaniel Archibald looked like. For the record, he approached me." Olivia kept her gaze steady, holding her cool even as the tension rose.

"Chuck, I guess that's enough explanation? You were wrong about her." Nate shot both of them a cold glare, before leading Olivia away and onto the dance floor.

Chuck stood there, watching his friend dance with Olivia, the smile on his face showing the world how happy he was. He looked so carefree, like Olivia was the only care in his life. It had been a long time since he himself had been able to feel that way, to live a life of loving someone. He loved Blair, but he knew there was always this niggling burden of needing to be in charge of Bass Industries, and that would always have to come first. It wasn't his choice, but it was his responsibility, and he couldn't possibly shirk it. It was his father's hard work, and he knew he was bound by his word to make sure it did well. Looking at Blair, talking to Lily with the poise and elegance of a powerful woman, he knew he would never love a woman more than he loved her. She was the one, after all, who helped him change. Gone was the Chuck Bass that didn't care about anything else but having fun and messing with girls, as much as he hated to be vulnerable, Blair was his weakness.

**(A/N: I hope you guys like this, I know it's a little odd, the way it has ended, but I felt I should write that. It's supposed to be a Derena fic, but they aren't very prominent in this chapter, that will change soon. Oh, there will be a time jump two years into the future in the next chapter. I hope you guys will like it!) **


	18. Slow Down

**(A/N: Hey everyone. I hope you guys like the previous chapter, I know it may have been a little abrupt here and there, but I'll try to make this chapter a better one. I'll jump 2 years into the future, AFTER this chapter. Sorry if it was misleading, just wanted to finish something. This chapter is Chair and Eric/Gerard, I'm sorry about the lack of Derena, and ah, it's a short one too. R&R!)**

Chuck looked at the stack of folders and ledgers on his table, there were so many things to settle regarding Bass Industries, especially since he was looking into buying over a new plot of land to build a new hotel. It was a huge decision he was making, but he had consulted his lawyers, it was viable. Lily had approved as well, but there was this hesitation he felt. He didn't feel as sure about that plot of land as he had been a few weeks ago, he always had a plan to build a new hotel, but somehow, the certainty he felt then was all gone now. Sighing, he leaned back in the black leather chair, staring at the blank ceiling. Work felt like a chore in recent days, he hadn't realise how much he missed being carefree. When he looked at Nate, Blair, Serena, Dan all going to college and finishing up the education of their choice, he felt a tinge of jealousy. Not that he fancied going back to school, but they didn't have the same worries that he did.

Glancing at his Blackberry on the table, it had lit up a few times, but he had ignored the texts, knowing they were probably from his assistant informing him of meetings and appointments. He picked it up, and saw one text from Blair, the only one he really wanted to read. 'Free for dinner?' A smile found it's place on his lips, and his thumbs flew across the buttons as he typed out a reply. He had a couple of hours, and these files would just have to wait, he had more important things to do.

_Life, I need to talk to you_  
_Can you spare a minute just to tell me what to do?_  
_And I'm trying to climb this hill_  
_I can feel you pass me by like I'm standing still_

"Chuck, you're early...oh, you didn't have to, it's just dinner!" Blair exclaimed as she saw the beautiful bundle of peonies in his hand, it wasn't often that he surprised her with peonies. He looked tired, as he had been these couple of weeks, she knew he was considering buying a plot of land, but he didn't like discussing business affairs out of the office. The spark in his eyes was still there, nonetheless, and she smiled as she sniffed them lightly.

They sat in the hall, the lights were dimmed and Dorota was upstairs, just looking at each other. It wasn't often that they had moments like this, it felt so serene and peaceful. Chuck took out an envelope from his briefcase, the cheeky grin that she hadn't seen for a while finding its way back into unfamiliar territory.

_The things I gotta do_  
_I'm feeling you leaving me behind_  
_And I know I don't wanna go down this road alone_  
_And I'm running out of time_

"What's that?" Blair looked at Chuck uncertainly, not quite knowing what to expect.

"Open it."

"Tickets? To Paris?" Blair's eyes widened, she hadn't expected Chuck to spring such a surprise.

"One-way Paris tickets, for this Friday. I figured I could do with a getaway, and I wanted you to come with me. We can come back any time." Chuck looked at her wistfully, knowing that college was on her mind, since the tests were coming soon, and Blair wasn't the kind to just skip over the tests without a care.

"Of course, I'll go with you. It's Paris, after all. We could visit Daddy while we're there!"

_So slow down, you're losing me_  
_And I can't see what you want me to be_  
_So slow down 'cause all I know is I can't go_  
_As fast as you have got me spinning round_  
_I'm barely hanging on, slow down_

_Why do the moments pass me by?  
Memories that I can't keep as hard as I may try  
Oh life, you're so beautiful  
I wish it wasn't so but I can only stay until  
_

"Eric? Could you meet me after school today? Perhaps, grab a caffeine fix or something?" Gerard came up to him in the corridor, just as he stepped out of Spanish class. He looked slightly out of sorts, his usually perfect tie was crooked, and his jacket had slipped out of place, looking sloppier than normal, though fitting in perfectly with the rest of the students who loosened their ties.

Eric looked at the eager face that awaited his reply, knowing his answer almost immediately. "By the stairs?" He laughed as Gerard snapped his fingers right away, and smiled, showing his perfectly white teeth. Turning away, he did a mock salute and ran off to class. _Could it be, that Gerard knows? Had I given myself away?_

_*Flashback*_

_The whole school was cheering the extended break, and both of them were too. Eric turned around to spot Gerard, and he was looking right at him. At that moment, it felt like an electric shock, had Gerard blushed just before he turned away hastily? Eric knew he must have given himself away, his gaze lingered on Gerard's back for a moment, before he too turned away._

_Though you say I gotta go  
God only knows when that's gonna be  
With all my might I'm trying to keep up with you  
And now you're running away from me  
_

"There's nothing quite like coffee when you want to talk, huh." Gerard broke the awkward silence that was building up, giving Eric his charming smile. _That smile, I don't think I've ever seen anything more perfect. _Eric nodded, looking at his cup of latte, he didn't really want to make any eye contact when Gerard told him that he knew he was gay and they could no longer be friends. He knew this day would come eventually, he just didn't want it to come this quickly.

"Eric, why have you been avoiding me all day? Ever since I told you I wanted to meet you this morning, you haven't looked me in the eye. I have something to tell you, I know it's awkward, but I can't really hold this back much longer." Gerard paused, studying Eric's confused expression carefully before he went on.

_So slow down, you're losing me_  
_And I can't see what you want me to be_  
_So slow down 'cause all I know is I can't go_  
_As fast as you have got me spinning round_  
_I'm barely hanging on, slow down_

"I know what you want to say, but it's alright, carry on."

"Seriously, you do? I left California a few years back, because of some trouble in school. I decided that I couldn't continue studying where there was so much prejudice against people like me, that's why I went back to Spain. I know this might be a little odd, Eric, but I'm gay. I like you. A lot. I don't think it's fair to you if I don't tell you the truth, but I know we can only be friends." Gerard spoke quickly, biting his lip slightly as he waited for Eric's response.

_Gerard's gay too? I was right when I thought he was gay when I saw him the first time? _

"Actually, I thought you were, the first time I saw you, and that was why I approached you."

_So slow down, you're losing me_  
_And I can't see what you want me to be_  
_So slow down 'cause all I know is I can't go_  
_As fast as you have got me spinning round_  
_Oh, look at how you got me spinning around_  
_I'm barely hanging on, slow down _

**(A/N: I'm ending it here, and from the next chapter onwards, it's two years into the future, you can imagine what happens from here for these two 'couples' I've formed. Include in your review an idea for flashbacks if you want! Hope you guys enjoyed, and the song here is Slow Down by Love and Theft!)**


	19. Lose My Mind, Love You More

**(A/N: I know it's been a while, more than a while, but I was short on ideas, and the show wasn't exactly inspiring either. As promised, it's two years into the future. Some things change, some things never will. The flashbacks are in italics, by the way. So here's to imagination, and The Wanted's Lose My Mind.)**

Dan sat at his desk, flipping through his manuscript, it seemed somewhat lacking, but even after repeated attempts at editing the ending, it didn't feel right. It was his second attempt after he had scrapped the first manuscript entirely, deciding that it sounded too pretentious and failed to convey his feelings properly. The phone rang, but he ignored it, too frustrated to get up and answer it. His answering machine was switched on, and the message started playing. "Dan, I'm flying back tonight. Meet me at the airport at seven, I love you!"

Her message put a smile on his face, as always. After completing university, Serena had been approached by Eleanor to be an ambassador of her designs, and modelling was something that Serena just found herself to be naturally suited for. Dan had gone for the route that he had always dreamed of, writing his weekly piece for the New Yorker, and his book in between. He had an intended storyline, turn of events and everything else planned out, but somehow, it just wasn't working the way he had expected it to. After leaving school, he thought it'd be easy, the inspiration would just come to him like how it had during his high school years, but it never did. His manuscript was the result of 16-hour daily struggles for nearly eight months, and even so, it was sub-par. On the other hand, Serena had been having it good since she completed her university courses, and he felt so inadequate in comparison.

Dan picked up his black leather-bound planner, it was mostly blank inside, save for some events that he attended with Serena, meetings with the New Yorker publishers, little notes. He glanced at the date, 26 August, it was a Friday. They hadn't had the chance to have a Friday night date in weeks, Serena had been so busy with her modelling and all. This was a chance for something different, something she wouldn't expect especially after a trip to the Upper West Side. Dan walked over to the storeroom, which was mostly filled with his books, Serena's clothes and luggages, but he spotted something special that he knew would make their night.

_They say that time_  
_Heals everything_  
_But they don't know you_  
_And the scars you bring_  
_'Cos you left a jagged hole_  
_And I can't stand it anymore_

"Jenny! You're back!" Eric got up from the couch as he saw the skinny blonde step out of the elevator. She had matured a lot in the past couple of years, hitting new highs with her fashion career. She had just had her first runway show in Milan, and it was a hit with critics and public alike.

"Eric, I've missed you." Jenny enveloped her half-brother in a warm hug, teasing one of his dark curls. "Oh, and Gerard, how's school?" While Eric had opted to attend NYU, Gerard had applied successfully to Columbia, emerging as one of the top students in his course in his first year.

Gerard glanced at Eric, then smiled his dazzling smile, Jenny knew immediately that it was that smile that must have attracted Eric in the first place. "It's been good, I had an internship for the summer break, which should help my resume quite a bit for next year. I heard Milan was great, so when's your next runway show in New York?"

Jenny laughed, "Not that soon! I'm in the middle of coming up with the spring/summer collection for next year, and there's going to be plenty of promotions for the winter collection, so I'd expect late October, perhaps?" At that moment Eric's phone rang, and after a brief glance, he showed it to Gerard and Jenny.

"Looks like J's back after hitting her highs in Milan. Wonder what N has to say. We hear he's been swinging single for a reason. xoxo, Gossip Girl."

Jenny looked away for a moment, N clearly referred to Nate, but her and Nate had been nothing but a passing one-sided thing, and he had clearly rejected her when she last confessed to him. What did this mean?

_If heartache was a physical pain_  
_I could face it I could face it_  
_But you're hurting me _  
_From inside of my head_  
_I can't take it I can't take it_  
_I'm gonna lose my mind_  
_I'm gonna lose my mind_

"Hey Dad!" Jenny walked into Rufus' cafe, which he opened a year ago. He had decided that it was time that he did something more productive with his time, and his cafe was set up perfectly. He did everything himself, with occasional help from Dan and Eric, and his breakfast waffles were a hit with anyone who dropped by. Playing in the background was a playlist of his own songs, some from his Lincoln Hawk days, others were instrumentals that he had recorded at home.

Rufus looked up and smiled as his daughter enveloped him in a warm hug, a bright smile on her face. "Jenny, you look great! Those designs were brilliant, so how long are you going to be in New York before you jet off again?" His half-smile was accompanied by those twinkling eyes that Jenny hadn't seen for a long while, she knew that running this cafe was a dream come true for her father. "It'll be a longer stay this time, I'll probably only leave after I present the spring/summer collection in New York, which shouldn't be any earlier than October. I was thinking that we should take a car trip somewhere soon. The whole family."

"We could, for a weekend or so, but there are so many schedules to accommodate. Serena's been so busy, and with Eric being in college, Lily and Chuck involved in Bass Industries, and yourself, it's not going to be easy. Perhaps you could bring it up at dinner tomorrow, everyone should be there." Rufus wiped his hands on his striped apron, sweeping his curls aside neatly.

"That's true, Chuck probably wouldn't be able to get away. Perhaps just you, me and Dan? It's been so long since we had a family trip. I sort of miss camping, somehow." Jenny made herself a cup of cappuccino, sliding into a booth.

"You can be the one to tell Dan that he has to go without Serena for a couple of days, then. Your brother and Serena aren't teenagers anymore, but they're still inseparable. You should see his face whenever he sees her off at the airport."

"Seriously? But that's sweet, in a way. It's so typical of Dan!" Jenny laughed as she tried to imagine her brother's awkward expressions, knowing that Dan was such a sappy romantic.

"_Don't look like that, you make me feel bad for accepting Eleanor's offer. It won't be that long, I'll be back next weekend. We'll do something special after that, I promise." Serena hugged Dan as he tried to suppress a frown, but his dark eyes showed his unwillingness to let her go. She knew that ever since she had started working with Eleanor, she had not been spending much time with Dan, and she felt bad. But this was something that she enjoyed doing, and it was not like she wouldn't be back for a long time._

_Dan kissed her lightly on the nose, trying not to seem too clingy. He didn't want to let her go, there was just something about being with Serena all the time that made his life complete. But she was happy with her work, and he knew he shouldn't hold her back, just like how she didn't complain whenever he was up at three in the morning writing when an idea popped in his mind._

_I'd erase my thoughts  
If only I knew how  
Fill my head with white noise  
If it would drown you out  
_

_Eric sat at his desk, flipping through a bundle of notes that he had compiled from his past few lectures. College was quite different from high school, although he had a lot more free time, there was more studying to be done, and with Gerard being busy as well, the time they had to spend together was greatly reduced. There was something about being with Gerard that was different from the relationships he had before. Perhaps it had to do with both of them being older, more mature, but he knew there was a special spark to being with Gerard that he hadn't experienced in the past. Maybe what he felt with others wasn't really love, but just a way for him to satisfy his want for someone to love, someone who understood what it was like to be in love with someone of the same gender._

With Gerard, he truly cared for him, even though Gerard was something like his protector, helping him when he was trouble. In a way, Eric felt like he was the girl in the relationship, even though Gerard was the one that remembered the dates. It was sweet, just like how he would have wanted his relationships to be had he not been gay. To a certain extent, he felt like their relationship was similar to his sister's with Dan, somehow, something just drew them together.

_He looked at the plane that had just taken off, Gerard's plane. He was flying back to Spain to visit his family, who had all returned to Spain, for they felt more at ease there, but Gerard had decided to stay in the States to complete his university education at least. He would be gone for the entire break, and Eric had the urge to book a flight to visit him there, but he knew, he had to resist. Gerard's family didn't approve of him being gay, much less be in a relationship with another guy, and he didn't want to put him in a spot. As much as that made him sound needy, he knew, he needed Gerard. When he was upset, Gerard was the only one that could make him smile almost effortlessly._

There was a picture of them at Chuck and Blair's wedding, dressed in similar tuxedos, just that he sported a grey one and Gerard had opted for one in traditional black. That smile on Gerard's face, that gorgeous grin that made everyone who saw him smile, made Eric wonder, _how long will we last?_

_Kill the sound  
If heartache was a physical pain  
I could face it I could face it  
But you're hurting me  
From inside of my head  
I can't take it I can't take it  
I'm gonna lose my mind  
I'm gonna lose my mind _

Dan glanced at the arrivals screen and back at his watch again, Serena's flight landed half an hour ago but she wasn't out yet. "Hello, Bryan, no, Serena isn't out yet, could you make another round? I'll call you when we're almost done. Thanks." He started to worry, Serena hadn't called, she always called after her flight landed, and this was getting abnormal.

"_I just landed, I'll be out in five!" Serena's cheery laughter put the flutter into Dan's stomach, as he held a bouquet of roses in hand. It was the first time she had taken on an overseas assignment, and he knew it was a big deal for her, it deserved a reward of sorts. _

_That smile on her face as she walked out of the arrivals lounge, pushing her cart of luggage, making direct eye contact with twinkling eyes. The unconscious biting of her lower lip as she sniffed the roses gently, the way she slowly looked into his eyes lovingly. "You're amazing, Daniel." _

Dan looked at the clouds that surrounded the sun, he hoped it wouldn't rain. For the night's surprise to continue smoothly, the weather had to cooperate with him. He turned around, and there she was, the goddess of his life. Her blonde locks looked as groomed as ever, and those lips pursed, the lips he wanted to kiss so badly at that moment. He quickly stepped behind a pillar she would have to walk across, ensuring that she wouldn't spot him. _Three, two, one. _He sprung behind her, throwing his hands across her face to cover her eyes. She let out a squeal, his hands were freezing, it was cold in the airport and he was dressed casually in a tight-fitting navy tee and shorts.

"I love you." Side stepping her cart, Dan stopped in front of her and cupped her face gently, kissing her tenderly.

A moment of silence, as their eyes spoke, before she broke it with a laugh. "No present today?" "Nope, no present for being tardy." "Really? I'm sorry, I was late, cause I got you this." She took out a black fountain pen, and he paused, surprised.

_She cuddled against him, his body warmth soothing her as he peppered her neck with soft kisses. Turning around, she breathed slowly on his ear, whispering, "I love you." All of a sudden, her hand hit his notebook, and it went flying, along with his fountain pen that had been tucked into it. _

"It's exactly the same." Dan held it gingerly in his hands, his first pen had been given to him by one of his professors, but this was even more special. He turned it slowly in his hands, and felt some grooves along the cap. _Daniel Humphrey, S._

"It's beautiful. But first, we've got to go, Bryan's been circling this place while waiting for us."

_And I'd rather be crazy_  
_I'd rather go insane_  
_Than having you stalk _m_y every thought_  
_Then having you here inside my heart_

They dropped off the luggage at the loft, and Serena looked at Dan suspiciously. "Wait, we're not eating at home?" "Nope. Quick, get changed, we're going somewhere fun. It's probably going to be cold, wear something warm though." She tried to read his face, but he just kept a straight face, apart from the pleased smile that he wore.

Downstairs, Bryan was already waiting for them, and Dan opened the door, letting Serena get in before himself. "Where are we going?" "Somewhere nearby." His answers had been vague all night, but it was intriguing, and she tried to coax him into letting out more clues, but to no avail. "You'll find out soon enough."

It was a short ride, and they pulled up 20 minutes later, at the park. Bryan opened the door for them, then winked discreetly at Dan before heading back into the driver seat. "I was thinking, it's been too long since we've taken a night stroll in the park, and tonight would be a good night to do it." They walked through the familiar paths, and stopped by the lake, where other young couples like themselves were having a romantic time feeding each other.

"_The sandwiches are soaked, Dan! The bread's completely soggy!" Serena complained, as she fished out a grilled chicken sandwich that had been doused in coffee. Dan's attempt at arranging a romantic breakfast picnic had been turned upside down, after he had narrowly dodged a schoolboy on his bicycle. "I'm sorry, I guess we've got to go to my dad's for waffles then?" "Waffles sound fantastic."_

Serena stared into the distance, admiring New York's skyline, and didn't even realise that Dan had slipped away.

"First day that I saw you, thought you were beautiful, but I couldn't talk to you, I watched you walk away. And it felt like I spent all of that second day, trying to figure out what it was that I should have said." Dan sang softly, strumming an acoustic guitar. Right at that moment, Serena knew, this was probably how Rufus had won her mother's heart.

"Thought I couldn't want you, more than I did before, but everyday I love you a little bit more. Find myself asking, what are you waiting for, cause everyday I love you a little bit more. Everyday, knowing I'm going to see your face, and that's enough for me, I want you more and more and more everyday. I wanna spend my life with you, everyday learn something new, I love you more and more and more everyday."

**(A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter, it took me a while to get back into the rhythm of writing a long chapter, and I apologise for the lack of Chuck & Blair in this chapter, frankly, I'm still in the midst of figuring out their role in this story, now that we've jumped into the future. The song that Dan sang to Serena is JLS' Love You More, it's a really catchy song by the British boyband, and yeah, do review!)**


	20. Stay

**(A/N: I was a little surprised that I had reviews after the previous chapter, especially since I'd been MIA for so long. I know that my stories may seem rather uneventful and undramatic, but I hate how the series is getting too dramatic, which is why my story is toned down. If you have any ideas for me, do leave them in a review, I will get back to you! I hope you guys like this chapter, and as always, flashbacks are in italics. )**

Gerard leaned back in the booth, spotting Eric who was across the street, waiting for the traffic to clear a little before he crossed. Their study dates were getting fewer and further between, but it was these times that kept him going even when he felt like giving up. In a way, like how he was giving Eric hope, Eric gave him strength to fight harder. He wanted so much to tell his parents that he was gay, and he was in a relationship with a guy. A guy that he loved more than anyone else. However, he knew that if he came out at that moment, his future would be gone. He was still reliant on his parents, and without their support, he was nothing.

"_It's not that I'm ashamed of us. I just can't do this right now, you know? It's not the right time." Gerard looked at Eric sheepishly, observing Eric's expression turn from confusion to frustration. "It's never going to be the 'right time' is it? I've been through this before, Gerard. It's just that I've been cheated on before, and finally, I meet someone who seems like he can be the guy that I can trust completely, but you don't want to tell your parents about this? About us?" Eric turned his head away, memories of Jonathan and Elliot filling his mind. People he loved, but just weren't the ones. He thought that Gerard truly was the guy, but now, he wasn't so sure._

Even though they had resolved their problems, with Gerard promising that once he completed university, he would tell his parents about them, Eric still wasn't completely sure that they were as secure as he thought they could be. He had dressed down today, he'd been wearing blazers every single day, since there had been so many formal events that week. Wearing just a white cotton shirt and khaki bermudas paired with his worn loafers, he looked just like any other guy on the street. _But you're always going to be the greatest guy in the world to me._

"Eric!" Gerard called out to him, even though he was in their usual booth, and Eric gave Rufus an acknowledging nod, before walking over, that stunning grin of his all over his face. "You're early today. Usually, I'm here an hour before you, no?" He laughed softly, but his brown eyes were serious. There was something different about Gerard today, he knew. It wasn't just about the absence of his rope necklace, he'd been wearing that forever, but there was something in his smile, his voice, that just wasn't right.

"I was thinking, we should just cancel this study session today, and you know, take a walk or something." Gerard mumbled, a little to himself, he knew it sounded awkward, but it was the only way he could get it out. This wasn't him at all, he was usually bolder, more confident of himself when he spoke, but there was something that was holding Gerard back, Eric knew. "Sure, I'll just get a drink first."

They walked down the familiar streets, but it was the first time that it felt so awkward. It was usually full of their teasing banter, not the weird silence that was floating in the air. All of a sudden, Gerard stopped in his tracks, and grabbed Eric's hand. His usually warm and comforting grip was clammy and felt so foreign. "Eric, I know that what I'm saying now will seem like an empty promise, till I tell my parents about us and all, but I'd just like to tell you one thing. I love you. I don't care how weird it sounds, how people will judge us and everything, but I know this is right, and that is all that matters to me. I know it's not easy for you, but I don't want you to look at me and think that I'm just in this for the short term. I'm not, I'm in this for the long run."

"_I'm not ready, Eric. I don't know when I'll be, but when I am, I'll tell you."_

"I know. Thank you."

"Hey, Nate, I didn't know you were coming back so soon!" Blair was surprised, Nate had only flown out to Los Angeles a few days back. He had been working on a new acquisition project with Chuck, they had been eyeing a hotel that was in an area with plenty of potential, especially since there were some clubs there with very unique ideas and styles. They were in the middle of finalising the purchase of the hotel, and Nate would be in charge of it entirely, which would probably require him to shuttle between New York and Los Angeles rather often. It was the first major project that he was taking on, after taking a year to familiarise himself with the business. He had some bright concepts for the new place, especially since it would be catering to a different target group of customers: the flamboyant, hip and the wealthy.

"Things went on smoother than expected, so I let the lawyers iron out the legal matters, I've seen the drafts and all, everything should be settled within the next two weeks. Where's Chuck?"

Blair looked at Nate closely, he'd changed a lot. No longer was he the casual guy she used to know, flitting between girls quicker than he understood his school work, but in place of that was a young man, matured and sensitive. He had really put in a lot of effort in this acquisition project, and Chuck had trusted him enough to let him make all the decisions with regards to the hotel, even though the purchase was made in the name of Bass Industries.

"_Chuck, I'm not sure that Nate's going to be of much help to Bass Industries. I know he's your friend, he's a great guy and all, but I don't think he's cut out for these business matters. Are you sure you want to bring him into the company?" Blair looked at Chuck straight in the eye, Nate's portfolio sitting in front of both of them. Like Nate himself, it looked stunning, but they both knew that Nate hadn't deserved to actually graduate from high school, let alone Columbia. _

"_I know what you're driving at, Blair. I trust Nathaniel, he's got great ideas, and his thinking is fresh, he's exactly what we need in the company. Give him a chance, I know he doesn't really inspire confidence right now, but I believe that he's got it in him, he just hasn't had the chance to shine yet." _

"Chuck's out for a meeting, I'm waiting for him too. You're different, Nate."

"In what way, what do you mean?"

"You're not as indecisive as before, and well, you just seem to have found a new direction."

"I was hoping you guys would see that, and maybe, you know, someone who see that and see that I've changed."

"Nathaniel, how was your trip? And I'm so sorry, Blair, the meeting was supposed to end an hour earlier. Come on, we'll talk in the office." Chuck came out of the elevator, his secretary trailing behind him with a stack of files.

Chuck looked at his friend, there was this accomplished smile on his handsome face, he knew that sending Nate to Los Angeles was a bonus, his good looks would have gained him some advantages there, but ultimately, it was the paperwork that the clients would have looked at. Having heard Nate's pitch for the new hotel, he was confident that the hotel would be a success, even if it seemed like a novelty on the surface.

"From what we discussed, all's good. The lawyers are still in LA, working out the details, but I've vetted the drafts and everything seems to be in order. They'll be coming into New York by the end of the week to meet you and everything, but it should be fine." Nate handed Chuck a thick file, containing the documents regarding the new acquisition.

"I'll look through them later, but I've spoken with the people, everything seems okay, so we'll be meeting on Thursday afternoon to sign some papers. You'll need to be around too, I'll have my secretary send you the details afterwards." Chuck was all businesslike, even though he and Nate had been friends since forever, he had a line between friendship and business that he adhered to strictly.

"Of course. I'll just leave you two to talk and stuff? See you guys tomorrow then." Nate's tone was formal, a little stiffer than he was accustomed to, but he knew that in the office, he and Chuck were not friends, they were just business partners.

"Have I told you how sexy you are when you're discussing business affairs?" Blair half-smiled, as Chuck let his serious expression fade slowly. "What about, always?" He breathed the last word, so softly she barely made it out. His smirk always reminded her of his younger playboy days, that smirk that got plenty of women eating out of his hands. "On the other hand, Nathaniel's done a brilliant job in LA. He's got a great deal for the company, and his ideas have a lot of expanding potential. You see, all he needed was a little time."

"I know, I looked through some of the reports, and I left the folder regarding the Pritchards with Joshua, so that's all done. I think I forgot to tell you how your forehead creases up awfully whenever you talk too much about work, didn't I?" Blair hated how Chuck was all about business recently, he was becoming less and less like the Chuck Bass she had known and fallen in love with. He used to surprise her with weekend trips out of the city, even though it was hardly the kind of lifestyle she was accustomed to, or would ever be used to, the countryside was refreshing, and was the perfect way to recharge her batteries after long weeks.

"_We should get an early night. We're flying off tomorrow morning. I told Dorota to pack you some warmer clothing, but you may want to check, I hear it can get pretty chilly at night." Chuck kissed her on the cheek, his breath smelling faintly of alcohol. "Flying off? Where to? Why didn't you mention it earlier?" Blair turned around in surprise. "Blackforest, Germany. I know you've been meaning to visit the place since you saw that photoshoot in the magazine, so I got us tickets."_

"Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Nate, but not regarding the business. He seems to be pouring himself into work because of other stuff, but I doubt he'll tell me even if I ask. You shouldn't just talk to him about business, he's your best friend after all." Blair slipped her hand into Chuck's, squeezing it slightly.

"I know, I get the hint. I'll talk to him tomorrow, but for today, let's just have a good time." He gave her a meaningful wink, as he got up from his desk, holding her hand and pulling her up with him.

"Nathaniel, lunch?" Chuck buttoned his blazer as he came out of his office, catching Nate just as he was about to leave.

"Of course."

Chuck studied his friend carefully, he'd always prided himself for being a good judge of people, but he realised, he hadn't noticed how haggard his best friend was getting. His usually bright blue eyes were tired, and his hair was slightly shaggy, like he'd been running his fingers through them all day. "Nathaniel, has there been too much work for you to handle?" He didn't intend for his tone to come out so sheepish, but he couldn't take it back.

Nate looked a little stunned, but shook it off with a shrug. "Nah, it's fine, really. It's interesting, I guess?"

"Come on, Nathaniel. Surely, by now, I'll know if you're fine or not? So, if it's not work, what is it?" Chuck pressed on, his intense stare nearly a glare.

"Honestly, Chuck, it's nothing." Nate avoided his eyes, pretending to be analysing the menu deeply.

"It's about Jenny Humphrey coming back, isn't it? It makes sense, actually, ever since she got back, you've been avoiding her." Chuck stared Nate down squarely, his mouth twisted in that little smirk he wore whenever he knew he was right about something.

Nate opened his mouth, then clamped it shut, knowing he was caught. But how am I supposed to just admit that I somehow still have feelings for her, even though we haven't spoken for months, and even then, it was one-sided on her part? _"Jenny's coming home next week!" Eric's smile, amidst his joy as he conveyed Jenny's message to the rest of them who were having dinner at Lily's. Nate couldn't help feeling that tinge of jealousy as Eric mentioned Jenny's handsome assistants, most of them fresh graduates of fashion design and highly eligible. _

"You don't have to hide it, you know." Chuck's voice was softer, the concern in his tone was plain.

"I can't help it. But I've done her too much wrong, I don't deserve her, and she deserves so much better."

**(A/N: I know, there's no DS this chapter, but I promise, there will be in the next.)**

My whole life waiting for the right time  
To tell you how I feel.  
Know I try to tell you that I need you.  
Here I am without you.  
I feel so lost but what can I do?  
'Cause I know this love seems real

My whole life waiting for the right time  
To tell you how I feel.  
Know I try to tell you that I need you.  
Here I am without you.  
I feel so lost but what can I do?  
'Cause I know this love seems real


End file.
